


The New Jedi

by SenselessWorks



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Has Issues, F/F, F/M, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rey (Star Wars) Has Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 51,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22401115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenselessWorks/pseuds/SenselessWorks
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. The New Skywalker

Rey had only been on Tatooine for a month, but had managed to clear out more than forty years of accumulated sand and dust from the central area of the mostly underground Lars homestead. She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do with the place, but she supposed it was hers now. The locals accepted her as a Skywalker, and had assumed she was Luke's daughter knowing Owen and Beru had no children of their own but had raised Luke. She had not come here expecting to stay, but this was the last stop on a series of travels Luke and Leia had guided her through to complete her training, and now she had buried the sabres they had fallen silent and she was still here.

As she sat around the table in the homestead kitchen, Rey wondered where Luke's sabre had gone. The one she had buried, along with Leia's, had originally belonged to Anakin Skywalker. Luke had constructed his own sabre at the end of his training, before facing his father in battle. The same sabre she had seen in the vision from Ben, the one he had lit in the temple as Ben slept, when fear at Ben's power and call to the dark had led to his own moment of darkness.

But for all that she had completed what both Luke and Leia assured her was all she required to be a Jedi, Rey didn't really consider herself to be one. She supposed the name "Jedi" would suffice for what she was, and for what her friends expected her to create a new order around. But Rey was full of emotion, feelings like anger and grief and even hatred that were not appropriate for a Jedi of the old order. Rey knew better though - the Force could only be in balance with both the light and the dark. Since Ben's sacrifice for her, she knew she carried both and whether she used the force for good or for ill there was simply a balance to the Force itself that she needed to walk.

 _Ben_ , Rey let herself a moment of grief, _why did you do it?_ But Rey knew exactly why he had done it, because their bond had given her access to all his emotions and thoughts at the moment of her resurrection - his fear that it wouldn't work, his intense love for her, and the enormous sense of relief when she had awoken from the dead. She knew, in his place, she would have done exactly the same for him.

Rey noticed the light in the central courtyard had faded, and the dual suns were setting. She had chores still to do, setting the evaporators for the evening to ensure she had adequate water, and BB-8 needed a decent clean to get the sand out. And she supposed she should eat something, she had found this morning she needed to tie her waistband even tighter again and even to her own observation she was concerningly thin, but the thought of food made her nauseous. Since Exegol, she'd had no appetite, but she had no intention of squandering the gift Ben had given her and she would not starve herself to death no matter how deep her grief.

Since there was only herself and her meagre collection of herbs and food plants she had decided to attempt growing, Rey had limited her attentions on the evaporators to the ones closest to the homestead. It was still a dozen or so to tend to, and Rey cursed silently for letting herself become lost in thoughts of Ben - she would not get back to the homestead until after dark. But the Sand people had learned to leave her alone on her first evening here when she had misjudged how long the evaporators would take to set for the night - she had been required to give a clan a pointed lesson in the folly of attacking a Jedi even if she was small and alone, and they gave her a wide berth.

BB-8 rolled along behind her as she set out, the suns low on the horizon, and he kept up a constant chatter of cheerful beeps and boops that couldn't help but life her mood, if only briefly. _I really should invest in some more droids_ she thought _and fix up all the evaporators_. She didn't need more than the dozen or so she was running for her own needs, so why run the rest? She realised she had subconsciously been considering a more long term plan for the farm - a possible new Academy for a new kind of Jedi. Tatooine was far enough from the central planets to separate her new Academy from the central government, and she realised that she had become comfortable here with the ghosts of Luke's past as well as the literal ghosts of Luke and Leia. The Lars homestead really had become her new home.

**********************************************************************************************************************************

"BB-8, come here" Rey called after they had settled back in to the homestead. She had a can of compressed air, a few tools, some rags and a can of oil. She settled down cross legged in the little workroom to the side of the kitchen, and BB-8 rolled in beside her. 

"You need a decent clean, this sand is filling your activators".

She set about cleaning out the little droid, and found herself humming along softly. She didn't know the words, but the tune was oddly familiar. BB-8 let out a short questioning little trill.

"I don't know what the song is," Rey replied, "maybe its something my mother sang. I don't really remember her"

She scrubbed the little droid's outer casing, and he let out another questioning beep.

"Yes I think we will stay, but if we are we will need some new droids to help with the evaporators"

BB-8 made an offended beep

"Don't be silly, I'm not replacing you. The evaporators are too much work for just us. And don't you want some company?"

Rey finished rubbing BB-8's shell, and focussed on the can of oil, still humming.

"All done BB-8, and I think its time for bed".

BB-8 let out a stern series of beeps.

"Yes thank you for reminding me. I'm not really hungry but I will eat one of those ration bars"

Rey packed the tools into a box, and tossed the rags into the waste. She took her box of tools and the oil can and set them on a shelf, then tiredly shuffled into her kitchen and found one of the last ration bars.

"We're going to have to go into town and get some supplies BB-8. Perhaps we can start looking for those droids."

She munched on the ration bar, not really tasting it, and suddenly felt utterly exhausted. The last few months had been busy, the ghosts of Luke and Leia guiding her to seek out a kyber crystal for her new sabre, and a few places strong in the Force. She didn't really understand the purpose of the trip to Lothal, although her visit there had been plagued by dreams of Ben and had reawakened the wound in her soul where he had always resided until he had been ripped away from her. The dreams continued on, although were more like shadows after Lothal, and varied from relieving the fight on Exegol to dreams of being trapped in darkness and suffocating. Sleep was something she had been avoiding in adequate measure, and it was catching up with her. 

"Alright BB-8, power down for the evening and I'm going to set the house to low power too. We'll go to Toshi station tomorrow, or Mos Eisley if we have to."

BB-8 trilled a short series of beeps.

"Yes good night BB-8".

Rey flicked off the main generator switch, and the battery power kicked in. She turned off all but a few guide lights, and after seeing BB-8 settled at his post in her kitchen, she made her way to her bedroom. There were a few bedrooms and other chambers in the homestead, set into the rock of the central courtyard, but she had chose to use the little bedroom down the hall from the kitchen and she imagined that the few rooms she was using were an older part of the complex, probably the original home many generations before Luke had come to live here. It made no sense to her to use on of the bigger rooms, set so far away from this area, as she would have to heat a much larger space at night. But she supposed, if she were to open an Academy here, that she would have to start furnishing those rooms and making them habitable for her students.

Her bed was a reasonable size, and she had made it quite comfortable with a reasonable mattress and some thick blankets she'd taken from the Falcon. The small heating unit that came on at night was quite adequate. She threw herself onto the bed, not even bothering to change, and wrapped her thin body around one of the pillows before allowing herself her nightly tears. She had not been able to shut herself off from the Force, but the ache where the bond used to be had faded a little. Like a still healing wound it would occasionally open up and cause her intense pain, but she was determined not to let it consume her. Ben wouldn't have wanted that. After a few minutes of silent tears she began to feel sleepy, and soon drifted off into a heavy slumber. The first hour was always quiet, but BB-8 at his post in the kitchen knew soon there would be the tossing and the turning, and sometimes the screaming. He was making note of it all, to tell Poe at the next opportunity. He had been charged with watching over her, and he took his role seriously.

**********************************************************************************************************************************

Rey found Toshi Station invigorating. It wasn't much of a township, more a very large facility where one could purchase various parts and tools to repair equipment, but there were a few small markets where she could buy various foodstuffs, a cantina, and a lot of droids for sale. An old R2 unit looked promising, and she found a few other droids that also looked like they might be suitable for work on the evaporators. BB-8 also seemed more cheerful, and got along with most of the droids she examined as potential candidates.

The elderly woman who sold her the bread, real bread with a delicious scent and flavour and not the reconstituted portion loaves she was used to, smiled hugely at her when she arrived with BB-8.

"They said the new Skywalker was in town with a BB unit" she greeted Rey. "I knew Luke quite well when we were children."

Rey shifted uneasily. She wasn't sure choosing the name Skywalker had been a wise choice, but she was certainly not going to admit to her true heritage.

"Welcome to Tatooine, I am Mera". She eyeballed Rey closely. "The Lars homestead has been abandoned for many years, have you had any trouble?"

Rey breathed a sigh of relief, there was no questioning of her heritage.

"Not much, some Sand People just once but they haven't been back. Just a lot of sand to shift out of the place."

Mera handed her a small slice of bread. "Try this, its delicious." She frowned. "Do you have anyone to help you? Its a lot of work for one person"

"Just BB-8, so I've come to town to see about a few new droids. But honestly I've been fine on my own, I've already cleared out all the sand."

Mera just nodded, and handed Rey a slice from another loaf. "Which one do you like?", she asked, nodding to the two loaves from which she had cut the slices.

Rey simply couldn't chose, they were both delicious and she found she finally had an appetite for something. They were fragrant, slightly sweet and had the most wonderful taste.

"I think I'll take both".

Rey paid for her purchases, and thanked Mera, who pressed a small cake wrapped in a piece of cloth into her hand.

"Do take one of these, a gift for Luke's daughter", Mera smiled. "Even before I opened a shop here I used to bake these and they were a favourite of Luke's."

Rey smiled broadly at her kindness, and thanked her quietly. She carefully tucked both loaves and the little cake into her satchel and left the small store. In the next one she found a few bolts of cloth and thought they would be suitable for some new clothes. Some ration bars were also purchased at the same shop, and she had picked up some fruits earlier at what she thought was a ridiculous price, but the bright colours and juicy flesh seemed to awaken her hunger and she knew she could afford them. Poe had given her credit chips with a ridiculous value a few days before she left, telling her to go offworld with Rose and have a few days break. Even for such a trip they were too much, and she realised Poe had suspected she was planning to run away.

She loaded her purchases into the old landspeeder she had found in one of the Lar's outbuildings. There wasn't much of "speed" to the speeder, but it was enough to get her in to town and bring back a few items. After a quiet lunch of a hunk of bread and the little cake Mera had gifted her, she was ready to haggle for the R2 unit and a small square droid with a half dozen spindly arms that looked suitable. The trip back to the Lar's homestead would be cramped, and slow, but she had enough to get her started on her project for the moisture farm.

She headed out of town towards her new home.


	2. Something's Different about Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory, sort of from Finn's POV, on what Rey did and where she went between Exogol and Tattoine

The first few days after Rey left Finn was frantic. He was consumed with worry about her, a worry he couldn't really explain to Poe or Rose.

She'd gripped both Finn and Poe so tightly when she disembarked from the X-wing, and Finn had felt her grief intensely. But she hadn't said a word about it. Poe had assumed it was grief over Leia, then exhaustion over her ordeal on Exogol, but Rey hadn't said anything about the events on the Sith homeworld at all and seemed to be very much at peace when talking about Leia. Rose had assumed Rey would be back to her old self in a week or two, and had tried to reassure Finn of that, but he had a _feeling_ he couldn't explain to anyone else, except perhaps a little to Jannah who also had a vague sense of Rey just being.... _different_. And lost.

The first week, she'd just moped about the base, ignoring the Jedi texts, ignoring her training, ignoring Finn and Poe, even ignoring things like food or showering. Rose had eventually found her one morning, in her usual meditation spot out in the forest, tears streaming down her face but with an otherwise blank expression. Rose had sat down beside her and hugged her tightly, and begged her to tell her what was wrong, but Rey had simply buried her face in Rose's shoulder and cried harder. After a time her tears had stopped, and from sheer exhaustion she'd fallen asleep her head still tucked into Rose. Poe and Finn had noticed they had both not returned near sunset, and a search had been called. Kaydel had finally found them, sitting like that in the forest, and signalled Poe. He wordlessly picked Rey up and carried her back the base. Finn wanted to take her to the medbay, but Rose had convinced him to return Rey to her quarters, and leave Rey to her ministrations. Finn wasn't sure what happened after that, but Rose and Rey had come out the next morning with Rey finally showered and in clean clothes, and she had joined them for breakfast. She had even eaten a little, and Finn was once again impressed with Rose's quiet ability to get people to do as she thought best for them. After all, she'd managed to convince him to move into her quarters in less than two days after Exogol.

But although Rey had decided showering and coming to the mess hall for meals was something she would re-engage with, her general lack of interest in the activities of the base or anything else really was beginning to bother Finn. Rose obviously knew more, but all she would tell Finn was that Rey was processing the events on Exogol and would share what she could with them when she was ready.

"Facing and destroying Palpatine is a big deal," Rose reassured him, "she'll tell us when she's ready".

Finn just couldn't understand it - she _had_ destroyed Palpatine, and by extension had been instrumental in the destroying his Final Order, and she'd killed Kylo Renn on Kef Bir too hadn't she? Surely the hero of the resistance should be rejoicing with them all and helping them in the reformation of the Republic. Why was she wandering around the base like a ghost?

And then suddenly, one morning, she decided to start running her training course again. Poe, who had set BB-8 to keep watch on her, reported the droid told him she was talking to herself as if she was having a conversation with another person. Poe thought she had cracked, the pressure of being the Jedi hero was too much, and set Rose to basically babysit her. Rose refused to follow her in training, but otherwise kept her friend close to her around the base.

Three weeks after the Battle of Exogol, Rey suddenly decided to spend some time with Finn, and found him in the mess hall after breakfast enjoying a quiet cup of caf and a datapad with the latest communication from Poe and Kaydel who were currently offbase at Coruscant meeting with the prototype new Republic Council. She sat down across from him with her own cup and smiled.

"Hey Finn. There was something you wanted to tell me when we were on Pasanna but didn't want to say in front of Poe?"

"Oh that", Finn sighed. "Its nothing that can't wait, I don't want to bother you now."

Rey smiled slightly. "I'm pretty sure I know what it is, but I had wanted you to tell me."

Finn's eyes grew wide... "You know? That I'm...… I can feel....."

"The Force," Rey confirmed. "I should have realised it a lot sooner but everything leading up to, you know... I was kind of preoccupied at the time and since then I haven't really been myself. Actually Luke told me."

"But Luke has been gone for over a year." Finn was confused.

Rey laughed softly. "Jedi who have passed on can become one with the Force and some come back in what I guess you could call a kind of ghostly form. Luke and Leia both came to me, but only I can see them. They told me to snap out of it and get back to work."

Finn wasn't sure Rey was altogether sane, maybe Poe was right and she _was_ cracked, but who was he to really say what was possible when it came to the Force? 

"They want me to continue with the texts and so on, and maybe consider training a few others..... I'm not ready yet, and perhaps the Jedi are not really something I want to reform either."

He didn't know what to say. Rey's abilities had been vital to ending the Final Order and the Emperor, how could she leave the galaxy without the protection of the Jedi?

She sighed and reached out to hold his hand. 

"I know I've been a bit of a disappointment lately Finn. But you and Poe and Chewie really are my family, and I'm trying to be me again."

Poe arrived back on the base, but Kaydel remained on Corsucant. Apparently the fledgling new Council wanted the Resistance to form the new Galactic Peace Force, with Poe and Finn as it's military leaders and Kaydel to act as the military attache. Poe informed everyone left on the base that they could leave - nobody had signed on for service after the war, or could join the ranks. A fair few said their goodbyes, but the majority of the fighters agreed that whilst Palpatine was gone, the First and Final Orders were scattered but not gone and their jobs were not finished yet. Ajan Kloss would remain open as a training facility and a small base, but Poe and Finn would be busy selecting new sites and recruiting new men and women into their ranks. Rey remained impassive at the news, and Poe noted she simply walked off half way through his speech and didn't come back.

He watched her at breakfast the next morning, as she pushed her usual grain broth around her bowl but didn't really eat much of it. She was staring off again, and seemed to have her mind elsewhere. 

"What are you thinking about, young Jedi" he joked,

"Just thinking about how I've haven't really seen much of the galaxy. When I was on Jakku, I always thought once my family came back for me that we'd leave that place and see everything I'd missed."

Poe was surprised, although he supposed he shouldn't be. She'd not really had anything for herself, all she knew was the Resistance, her short time on Ach-To, and constantly being hunted by and battling Kylo Ren and the First Order. He had a sudden insight that she might want to leave them, at least for a while, and see something of the galaxy.

"I've got an idea," Poe whispered conspiratorially, "why don't you and Rose take a few days to see a few places. I think you need to go somewhere that isn't here, you've done nothing but train and fight for over a year and its not like its something you really volunteered for."

Rey just pushed her breakfast around a bit more, and looked uncomfortable. Poe was now pretty damn sure she was going to bolt, but the discomfort suggested it wasn't going to be permanent. _And maybe that's a good thing for now_ , he thought, _because she certainly isn't ready to hear the Council's plans for a new Jedi Order._

"I insist Rey," Poe said firmly, "You deserve a bit of a break."

Two days later, Finn found a letter Rey had shoved under his door. She was gone, in the early hours of the morning, and apologised for not telling him in advance. And to please apologise to Chewie and Poe because she had taken the Falcon and BB-8. She promised to come back, but she had things to do - "Jedi stuff" as she put it - and wasn't sure how long she would be. Finn practically exploded in a panic, she had no idea how the galaxy worked, she was going to get herself killed, she was going crazy. Rose just raised her eyebrows, reminded him Rey had taken care of Palpatine and she was pretty sure Rey could look after herself. Poe just shrugged and said he had half expected her to go, and BB-8's attachment to her and vice versa meant it was almost a given she was going to take the droid.

"He's more hers now than mine, " Poe told him, "and anyway, I put a tracker in BB-8 so we can find her again if we really need to. Don't worry buddy, she will come back."

"You don't understand," Finn practically shrieked, "She's not been herself since Exogol and there's something about her that's different." 

"Then let have some time to sort herself out" Poe shrugged. "She'll come back."

But Finn's frantic worry remained.

*************************************************************************************************

The tracker in BB-8 told the tale of a woman who wasn't on a grand tour of the galaxy as Poe expected, but someone who was on a specific mission. The first place she had gone was to Ach-To, and she'd been there a full two weeks. Finn had begun to worry she was exiling herself, as Luke Skywalker had done, but at the end of the two weeks she had set quite the pace, skipping through a half dozen outer rim worlds in as many days, most of them uninhabited. Then she'd stopped on Dagobah, and this time it had been for a few days. Following that another series of quick stops, Jedha where the holy city had been laid waste to by the Empire some 40 years or so ago, the ruins of Malachor, Dantooine and then to Lothal. After Lothal she had gone back to Ach-To, and remained another week before heading to Tatooine. 

Over the course of Rey's travels Finn's panic had settled down to a constant irritation at Rey's abandonment of her friends. He had moaned to Poe that they didn't really know if she was alive, perhaps someone had killed her and stolen the Falcon and BB-8. Poe had raised an eyebrow and asked if her really believed that, at which point Finn was pretty sure he'd have known if she was truly dead. Although he'd been sure she had died on Exogol, then suddenly he was sure she was alive, and she had avoided answering the question. Or any questions really regarding Exogol, except to confirm the Emperor was no more.

But now that Rey had been on Tatooine a month, it seemed she had settled down for a while. He determined he was going to take a side trip on his next recruiting mission and order her to come home.


	3. Lothal

BB-8 was awoken sharply in the early hours to the screaming again. Rey tossed and turned all night, every night, but the screaming had started after Lothal and was becoming a regular nightly feature. On her part, Rey came awake with a sense of panic, unable to breathe and feeling like she was going to suffocate. The dull throb in her soul where Ben used to be was a firey ache, and she gave up on the idea of sleep for the night.

Rey looked over at the chronometer, and noted there was another three hours until dawn. She dragged herself out of bed and pulled on her clothes. Where once they were white, they had become a dull beige from the sand despite her best attempts at washing them. She resolved to use the bolts of cloth today to make new ones after checking the evaporators. One thing she was pretty good at was fashioning clothing, since until leaving Jakku she had never been able to afford to buy them. Footwear was another story, but she had the luxury of credits now although they would run out eventually. She supposed she could sell water now she had all of the south field up and running. There was far more supply than she needed, and even if she took on a few apprentices she would still have more than she needed.

She almost tripped over BB-8 as she wandered into the kitchen. He let out a long series of beeps, expressing his concern over yet another nightmare.

"I'm not sure BB-8", Rey replied, "I don't remember most of it. I know it was dark, and I felt like I was under water."

BB-8 beeped again

"I don't know why I'm having them".

But if she was honest, the sense of pain in her chest and the hole where Ben used to be told her why.

**************************************************************************************************

The south field was the biggest, and closest to the homestead, so Rey had chosen to recommission the evaporators there first. She supposed that if she really was going to start a new Academy that she'd eventually have to commission the further fields, but that could wait until she actually had padawans and didn't have to do it alone. She set out about an hour before dawn, with a dozen barrels tied to a sled behind her old grey speeder and BB-8 nestled amongst them. The R2 unit and the multi-limbed droid she'd nicknamed "Bug" for his appearance were in low power mode in the small shelter at the edge of the field, but she could see they had been busy before the sunset with all but one of her evaporators still in working order according to her monitor pad. She started with that one, and was able to diagnose a simple short circuit. Her deft fingers had it working again in less than a half hour, but the sun would be up soon and she needed to work quickly to collect all of her water. The heat of the day would almost certainly mean she couldn't make more than another pass, and she wouldn't collect it all. The South field had originally had a network of underground pipes to drain the collected water to a central tank, but over 40 years of abandonment had left them broken, filled with sand and completely inoperable. 

She dragged her first load of barrels back to the homestead, lifting them off the sled with the Force as she had no hope of lifting them without it, and stashed them in one of the storage sheds before heading back out with another dozen empty barrels for her second pass. By now Rey was drenched in sweat and feeling faint, she had not bothered to eat again and felt distinctly unwell. The next evaporator in her planned run was half way into the field, and she indulged in a drenching of tepid water from its tank and a few mouthfuls of water. BB-8 complained about her lack of self care, and she silently agreed she was being careless with her second life. Somewhat refreshed, Rey filled the barrels and headed home, deciding she would get out of the heat and rest for the remainder of the day.

Rey's head was swimming by the time she reached the homestead, and she decided to leave the barrels on the sled rather than unload them. Normally she would empty them into the storage tank, but she felt far too unwell to do anything except crawl into her bed and sleep. Though Lothal was some six or seven weeks ago, the unending nightmares and broken sleep since then had led her to breaking point. BB-8 brought her a canister of water, and she drained it all before collapsing into sleep.

************************************************************************************************

Rey managed three whole hours before she awoke screaming again.

A soft blue glow filled the room, and Rey could see the faint outline of a cloaked figure. For a moment she thought it was Ben's ghost, finally seeking her out, but she realised as it came closer and she rubbed the tears from her eyes that it was Luke.

"Master," Rey croaked, "Its been a little while."

Luke nodded. "A month maybe? You don't look too good Rey".

Rey scowled "Ever since Lothal I've been having nightmares".

"What about?" Luke frowned "Visions?"

She shook her head "Mostly reliving Exogol, and Ben's death.... sometimes I'm trapped in a dark place, suffocating and unable to escape. I wake up with a pain in my chest, an emptiness where Ben should be."

"I don't know what to advise you, Rey." He looked troubled. "There wasn't much about dyad bond's in the texts, and Obi-wan and Yoda never mentioned them in my training. But they are described as two who are one..."

"Ben said almost the exact same words at some point"

"Yes, well I guess it would be like a part of you is missing."

Rey didn't answer, but she knew Luke had identified her problem.

'I see you plan to stay for a while...."

"Yes, I thought I might train students from here, although I'm not able to look after myself let alone learners at the moment. I certainly can't go back to the others like this."

Luke's eyes narrowed a little in thought. "You said this all started on Lothal?"

"Yes"

"Then perhaps you should do a little research on the planet and it's history. It may be simple coincidence, but the Jedi do tend to build their temples in places strong in the force."

Rey nodded tiredly. "I did feel.... something at the temple ruins. Something calling to me. Like the mirror on Ach-To but more light. But I cant leave here now, I've just got the farm up and running in some sort of order."

Luke laughed at that. "I spent my whole childhood aching to get away from this place; you ran to it and are loathe to leave it. You can start here, I'm sure you can have your friends send you some of the information you seek. You may have to go back to ruins at Lothal, but I'm sure you can find some locals to run the farm in your absence. After all, you're going to need caretakers when you seek out your new candidates."

She mulled it over, and was going to respond, but Luke had disappeared already.

"Typical" she muttered.

Rey decided to get out of bed, and hit the refresher for a cool shower.

*********************************************************************************************************************************

Rey sat down at the holo-communicator at the little alcove near her kitchen and decided of all the friends she could call, it should really be Kaydel. After all, last she heard Kaydel was going to stay on Coruscant for a while and whilst she didn't know much about the planet other than that it had been the politic centre of the Empire and the Old Galactic Republic before it, she did know it was the single largest historical repository and the largest library in the galaxy was held there. Kaydel could arrange for the information she wanted to be sent to her, without leaving the comfort of her homestead.

She punched in the request and waited. A harassed looking Twilek appeared on the projection.

"Yes what do you want?" he muttered, then looked directly at her. "Oh Master Rey.... A thousand apologies. How may I help you?"

"I'd like to speak with Commander Connix?"

"Right... She's currently in a meeting with General Dameron and the Council President. Anything I can do?"

Rey shook her head. She didn't feel like talking to this stranger and giving her request.... he looked like he was struggling to remember his own name and she could see the huge pile of datapads piled up around him.

"No. I'm sure you are busy enough. Just ask her to please call me back at this address as soon as she is free. It isn't an emergency, but I need some information".

Rey signed off, and walked into the kitchen. She still had some of the fruit she had purchased over a week ago at the market stall in Toshi Station, sitting in the cooling unit, and she picked out a bright red one with a sweet inner yellow flesh that she remembered Finn once telling her was a durang fruit. She broke off half a ration bar to go with it and decided on a cup of blue bantha milk. She wasn't particularly hungry, but hadn't eaten since the previous morning and she was once again reminded that she was thinner than she had been since before she left Jakku.

She sat nibbling at the fruit, not really tasting it, and her mind wandered to Ben. _I wonder what he would have been doing if I had just died._ What would the redeemed Ben have done after Exogol. Or if he had never come to her rescue at all..... would she have taken Palpatine's offer to save her friends? Would she now be sitting on the Sith Emperor's throne? The thought made her feel ill, and she put down the durang and pushed the thought away. But she still thought of that smile on Ben's face, and the way it had made her feel. Why had she kissed him? Although they had been linked, tormenting each other through their force bond with the sniping and bitter words as Rey and Kylo, she didn't really known Ben. There had been glimpses - the battle together against Snoke's praetorian guard on the Supremacy, the first time their hands touched through the bond, the way he had sympathised and understood her loneliness. But most of the time he had been a monster who haunted her dreams and hunted her and her friends. And had killed his own father. She had been surprised when he faded into nothing, becoming one with the Force, but he had turned back to the light and come to her rescue and then bloody well _died_ to save her..... well she supposed from the point of view of the Force he'd earned the Jedi equivalent of the afterlife. Yet unlike Luke and Leia, he'd not come to her as a force ghost and as her damned partner in this dyad thing why the heck hadn't he? 

And then of course her mind wandered back to that kiss again, it had felt so right and so warm, with his lips so soft and all hers..... _stop it Rey_.

Fortunately at that point the communicator started pinging, and she rushed from the kitchen to the alcove to answer Kaydel's call.

"Rey," Kaydel greeted her cheerfully, "what a wonderful surprise. I didn't think I'd be hearing from you for a while."

"Yes, sorry. I know I left rather abruptly and I'm sure Poe and Finn and Chewie are cross with me."

Kaydel just laughed. "Poe doesn't seem all that cut up. He misses you of course, but he literally told me this afternoon you deserved a break and we should leave you alone for a while. We already knew you were on Tatooine and he forbade anyone from coming to drag you back."

Rey looked surprise. 

"Tracker in BB-8" Kaydel informed her. "I think he knew you were going to take off, but wanted to know where you were just in case...."

Rey sighed..... she wasn't sure if she was angry or not. Did he do it because he cared about her, or did he do it so he could find himself his handy Jedi if he needed her? Maybe both.

"Anyway Rey, as glad as I am to see you, I'm presuming there is something you specifically wanted?"

"Well yes there is something....not that its not good to see you. But in my travels whilst I was building my Lightsabre and a few other things.... I visited Lothal. I had this very strange feeling there, something in the Force around the ruins of the Jedi temple. But of course there are no Jedi or Temple Guardians, nobody to ask and no books or holocrons or anything really left. So I was wondering if you could access the library and send me some information...."

Kaydel's eyes widened. "What sort of information? You're looking at potential terabytes of data and months of work just to pull the data for you.... Can you be more specific?"

Rey shook her head slightly. "I'm not sure. I guess we don't need to be as wide as the recipes for everyone's favourite soup, but I don't want to be too narrow either. Maybe everything you can find on the history of the Jedi order on Lothal, and any temple records that might be there.... but there might be something in the history of various wars or disasters or even just weather records. I guess if someone could at least start with the Jedi and the temple there, and maybe send me more later?"

"Ok." Kaydel looked thoughtful, "I guess that's a manageable chunk, athough you might be disappointed by the Temple records given the Empire tried to purge most of it. Having said that trying to just find the information to remove it all would have taken a long time, and the Central Library was actually left much to its own so who knows? Do you mind though if I let them know the request is for you? Just asking someone to pull that data is a lot of paperwork and most people are left waiting for months before it's even actioned, but if I tell them its for the last Jedi and the galactic hero I reckon you'll have that information inside a week."

Rey nodded uncomfortably - she hated the idea of being thought of as a hero, especially as she considered that honour really was Ben's, but if it got her the information she wouldn't object.

Kaydel mentioned a few small snippets about the former resistance and its rolling into the new Galactic Peace Force (a name Kaydel confessed to absolutely _hating_ ), and then dropped the news that Finn and Rose had decided to move into quarters together and Poe was feeling like a third wheel.

Rey nodded and smiled, she was happy for her friends, but she felt a pang of loss again. She thanked Kaydel for her help and signed off, suddenly tired again and wanting to curl up on her bed. She forced down the half a ration bar, not wanting to finish the during fruit, and took another water canister with her to the bedroom.

She curled up on the cot, hugging one of the pillows to her chest, and lay staring at the wall. Sleep eluded her, but she tried to relax and allow the Force to surround her - without actually meditating or having any real direction. She had tried to reach Ben through the usual means, but it hadn't worked, and she wondered if she had been trying too hard. Perhaps if she just lay there and tried to be one with the Force without seeking anything deliberately she might find some inspiration. In any case, she was still feeling the after effects of her heat stress and dehydration, and had no energy for the effort required to consciously meditate, and too sore and out of sorts to sit up and try.

********************************************************************************************************************

_There was more to the dream this time..... she was still inside an inky blackness that had a certain texture and weight to it, but like a heavy fog it swirled and occasional wisps of light were hinted at. This wasn't really a place, but more the edge of a place, like a beam of light in a doorway and a room beyond. The initial fear was giving way to something else - a curiosity about what lay beyond, but she also felt a sense of longing for what lay behind her. But she couldn't go backwards - the only direction she was permitted to travel was forwards. Forwards into what lay beyond the shadow, or stay rooted to this spot in indecision. She felt like she had been in this one spot for both an eternity and single instant at the same time, but suddenly her indecisiveness gave way and she stepped forward. But that first step was a fall.....and it seemed to go on forever._

_The images shifted suddenly, and she was back on Lothal. She had been to many planets already in search of a kyber crystal for her own sabre, but whilst there were a few in some of the worlds she had stopped in, she hadnt't found the right one yet. Master Luke had been very clear that the she had to find one properly attuned to her for the sabre to be just right - she could make a sabre from any crystal really but for it to be attuned to her and for the best result she needed the right one. Rey had begun to think she was broken, for none of the kyber she had found had spoken to her and she had begun to think it was because of her dark bloodline. Or maybe she was broken because she was only half a person in the force now._

_But as she had approached Lothal, she had begun to feel a tingling in her chest and a humming sound in her ears. She landed a ways off from the temple ruins, and immersed herself in the Force. She followed the humming, off to the east slightly and parallel to the path to the temple, **but not too far** her inner mind told her. She hiked up a small incline and almost fell into the cave, a dark small space at the entrance but a larger chamber below that was filled with light. The light came from another crack in the hillside through which a bubbling stream made its way into another darkness beyond, and Rey could hear the faint sound of water tumbling down an underground waterfall. She stared at the walls, for not only was the water reflecting the light but hundreds of crystals lay embeded in the walls, and in some areas the ceiling and floor as well. _

_**Kyber**_ _Rey noted, but this place felt different to the other places she's found it. Somewhere in this chamber, a specific krystal was calling to her, but now she couldn't quite hear it amongst the other sounds in the cave. She closed her eyes, feeling with the force. A thousand images quickly flashed through her mind, images of padawans training here in the cave, then a dark ominous presence._ _ **Palpatine!**_ _Rey breathe heavily, panting in fear, and her eyes shot open as she scanned the cave for her grandfather._ _ **He survived Exegol!**_

_Without Ben she was alone and couldn't resist him. She stumbled backwards, and grabbed at her staff to bring it forward. She pulled Anakin's sabre from her belt and lit it, but it was all wrong. Instead of the familiar blue-white blade it was red and angry and had a cross guard on it - she was holding Kylo Ren's blade and as she glanced at the bubbling stream she saw herself reflected with dark eyes and pointed teeth, like her vision on Kef Bir. Looking down at her hands, they were covered in blood that dropped from the sabres hilt. A cruel laugh, her grandfather chuckling at her foolishness for coming alone, and then she heard Ben._

_He was screaming her name. **No Rey! Run Rey! Rey! Rey! REY!**_

_He limped forward out of the shadows behind her, his face still with the bruising and cuts of Exgol, and held up his hands._

**_This isn't you,_ ** _he begged her, **Don't let him fool you Rey.** _

_Palpatine chuckled again. **Submit to me, and you can have him back. Your filthy bastard Skywalker will be yours again.**_

_Rey was torn. She wanted so desperately to save Ben, but she refused to give in to the darkness of her blood. She dropped the Sabre, which sputtered and died, and then let go of her staff. And then Ben smiled at her._

**_That's it sweetheart, good girl. He has no power over you here, he's just a shadow._ **

_Suddenly Rey, who had been rooted to the spot in fear, stepped towards Ben. Palpatine screamed in pain with her step, and then Rey ran to Ben, throwing herself into his embrace._

_And then suddenly she felt enormous pain as her head hit the floor of the chamber and she saw stars. She burst in to tears - it had all been a vision - but in her hand she held her kyber crystal._

Rey woke up suddenly, her blankets twisted uncomfortably around her and a sheen of sweat on her brown. At least this time she wasn't screaming


	4. A Family Reunion

Rey had been waiting for a week for the information from Kaydel, and was starting to become impatient. She knew it could be quite a task to collate it, but since she had started to dream about the cave on Lothal she had begun to feel even more desperate for answers.

This evening she was sitting in the courtyard of the homestead, her legs hanging over the edge of a window as she idly lounged against the frame and let her mind wander. She had slept better, granted, since the nightmares had moved on but she was still felt lost. Half of a whole. And the dreams about Ben were a double edged sword, for whilst she drew comfort in them whilst she slept, when she awoke again her loneliness and loss was more tangible. 

She watched BB-8 whirring around the courtyard, inspecting the hydroponic lines she had set up and checking the water levels. Rey had no idea who she'd be feeding with the crop of these plants, but had woken up one morning and decided it was a worthwhile task whilst she waited. She didn't want to call Kaydel and pressure her, but every morning her fingers itched to punch in the address for her office and ask her how the task was going. 

The suns were sinking lower, and the shadows in the courtyard growing longer. Rey noted all of this but didn't feel very inspired to anything useful, like setting the power for the night or preparing the barrels for the morning water run..... or eating, which she had forgotten to do again since the previous morning. She rested her head on the cool stone window frame, and suddenly her wandering mind latched on to something.

A presence in the force was headed her way. It was chaotic, and buzzed with a familiar energy she couldn't quite place. The faint roar of approaching engines began to pulse in the air, and the frame of her window vibrated with the stone wall.

 _Finn,_ Rey realised. And then more - _Rose and Poe and Chewie._

She had a moment of panic - had they decided to drag her back? But she relaxed almost immediately, they couldn't make her do anything, and something told her it wasn't that sort of visit anyway.

"BB-8" Rey called, "come on, weve got visitors!"

BB-8 squawked rudely up at her.

"Don't be like that, Poe's here too!"

BB-8 could climb stairs after a fashion, but to make it easier on the droid Rey had used the force to carve a ramp into the stone wall of the staircase. It hadn't quite been wide enough, so she had filled in the stairs in a few places with some cement she had found in an old storage shed, along with some other building materials. It was crumbly but effective, and would do until she could trade for better. Rey took the stairs two at a time, excited to see her friends, but BB-8 was faster and chirped an irritated whine when he had to wait for her to open the door.

Poe was first out of the ship, running for BB-8 as the little droid raced towards him. He dropped on to his knees in the sand, and embraced BB-8, rubbing the droid down. Rey smiled at the scene despite herself.

Finn and Rose were next out of the freighter, holding hands Rey could see, but at the sight of Rey Finn turned to Rose and said something, kissing her on the check then let go of her hand and bolted to Rey.

"Rey! Rey!".

She jogged towards him and let him pull her into the usual tight embrace. He really was her first friend, and her brother in all this mess.

"I've missed you so much!" she cried honestly. "Even Mr Perpetual Bad Mood!" Rey nodded towards Poe, who was still scratching at BB-8 as if he were a furry pet and not a droid.

She allowed a few tears to spill as she kissed Finn's cheek, and then called Rose to come join them. 

Chewie finally walked down the ramp and began to set a few switches on the panel next to the ramp, which slowly closed behind him. He waited a moment for Rose to catch up with Finn and Rey, then muttered to Poe and BB-8 and pointed in the direction of their friends. 

Finn and Rey pulled apart and looked at each other. Finn's wide smile of happiness suddenly settled into a frown as he appraised her appearance and he looked at Rose in distress as she reached them. Rose looked similarly concerned.

"You don't look too well Rey," Rose noted, appraising her friend criticially. "You're so thin!"

"The days are long here," Rey ducked, "and I'm just working hard. Sometimes I'm so tired at the end of the day I forget to eat."

Finn's eyes narrowed, and he nodded his head slightly to Rose. Something silent passed between them and Rey suddenly thought of Ben. She realised that they never really spoke after he had turned back to the light - almost all their conversation had been a mutual understanding and silent words through the force. It suddenly struck her that the connection between her two friends was as deep, and all over again she felt the loss of a part of herself.

Rose pulled open the bag slung over her shoulder to show Rey the contents. Two small transparent boxes nestled at the bottom, each with a half dozen data chips.

"We brought the first lot of downloads from the library," Rose explained, "and Kaydel is going to send the next after Chewie and I head back to Coruscant."

Rey raised one eyebrow at Finn.

"Poe and I are staying here for a bit," Finn informed her in a tone she knew not to argue with. "We need to have a chat about whats going to come next."

Rey shrugged her shoulders. "The accomodations here are a bit spartan, but you're welcome to stay. Although there's not much to eat except ration bars."

Poe had wandered up by this stage and threw his arm around Rey's shoulder in a quick embrace. "Don't worry Master Jedi, we brought provisions. Good thing too since you're the scrawniest I've ever seen you."

Rey punched him lightly in the shoulder and danced out of his grasp, making the crankiest face she could muster. 

"Nerfhearder,"she muttered, but then she dissolved into a fit of giggles at Poe's innocent expression.

"Come on," Rose broke up the reunion, as Chewie joined them. "Show us about the place"

*************************************************************************************************

Rey had settled all her friends in their own rooms, apologising for the dusty and spartan nature of them. The largest of them, probably once belonging to Owen and Beru, had it's own small bathroom and Rey settled Finn and Rose in it. They protested, arguing it should be hers as the master of the house, but Rey deferred saying she was happy in the small room near the kitchen that had once been Luke's. Poe had taken the room opposite theirs, but despite there being a few other rooms Chewie had elected to stay on the Millennium Falcon, reacquainting himself with the ship and its memories. 

For now, Poe was busy in Rey's small kitchen, opening up various boxes and crates her friends had brought with them and putting them away in her pantry and stasis/chiller unit. A selection of items he left out on the table, clearly for tonight's meal, and brought out some cooking utensil and tools from another crate - first checking on what Rey had and frowning at her in exasperation when it was clear she had almost nothing,

Poe set about cleaning various vegetables, and rubbing spices and oil into a few cuts of meat that he then began to fry in a pan. The vegetables he popped into a large square unit that he told her would steam them. He explained what everything was as he cooked, but Rey did not really listen. She had no real idea how to cook any of it, her meals had always been simple instant ration on Jakku, sometimes a piece of fruit if she could afford it. Once she joined the resistance she had eaten far better, but had never had to prepare food there and hadn't bothered to learn. She wondered who had taught him to cook, probably his mother or father and she wondered if that was a normal sort of thing families did.

Rose and Finn wandered in, drawn by the scent of cooking food. They sat companionably at the table watching Poe try to instruct the disinterested Rey, and Rey noticed they couldn't stop touching each other - fingers lightly pressed against each other at the table, a few times stroking the others face, hands slipping under the table to hold. She swallowed hard, again thinking of Ben.

"So what has been happening with your New Republic?" Rey asked, not genuinely interested but wanting to distract herself from her thoughts.

Poe snorted. "You ran away at the right time. Give me a run against a First Order TIE any time over a meeting with some of these Councillors. Fortunately it seems that theres been consensus on reformation of the Republic, at least amongst the Core worlds and _some_ of the Inner Rim. Outer Rim is too much of a shambles to decide anything, but that was the same under the Empire anyway....."

Finn sighed. "We're no longer Resistance but the Peace Force. Same same though, we spend most of our time rounding up First Order loyalists and brainwashed Troopers. Poe and I are still co-generals but Jannah and I have focussed on the ex-troopers. Breaking brain washing, finding their families where we can.... but we've got a bit of a system now and they don't really need me hands on anymore."

"Yes but you're the shining example for some of them" Rose smiled at Finn. "you were the first to leave the First Order and they look to you."

Rey nodded as if she was following the conversation, but only took in a little of it. Her friends were with purpose, happy, and with a future. She was happy for them, but didn't share their optimism.

Poe began to plate their meal, and Rey grabbed a pitcher of ice cold water and placed it on the table, looking around for a few cups. Poe shook his head, and pulled out a bottle of Corellian brandy from Rey's pantry.

"This is a celebration" he told them all, "We've not been together for months. We're drinking the good stuff. Finn, you comm Chewie and let him know were eating."

*******************************************************************************************************************

Rey hadn't been able to find more than her single chipped cup, but Poe had brought glasses as part of the kitchen equipment and had passed them around the table. It had been an enjoyable meal, and Rey had actually eaten, and although her poor shrunken stomach couldn't handle more than half a plate, along with several glasses of the excellent brandy. She found herself wedged between Poe and Chewie, relatively quiet compared to the others, but she found her gloominess had lightened somewhat with her friends - no her _family_ -around her. The brandy put a warm fire in her belly and a fuzziness in her brain that she found peaceful, and as the night wore on she found herself leaning against Chewie's shoulder in a drowsy state as Finn and Poe and Rose told her all sorts of stories about what they and the rest of the resistance had been up to. 

Idly Rey wondered if it would be like this every night they were here, and found the idea a pleasant one. Ben had once noted how _lonely_ she was, even at their first meeting when she was his "guest" on Starkiller, and she wondered why she had ever thought running away to be alone with a droid was a good idea. Sure, she had "Jedi stuff" to do, running around where Luke's ghost told her to go, finding her kyber, and building her weapon, but after she got to Tatooine she just _stayed_ and wallowed in her grief. But then hadn't she been alone most of her life? And now the other half of her was gone too. Not that he had ever told her he loved her or anything... wait, had she actually _loved_ Ben Solo? The were a dyad, two who were one, but that didn't mean love or family did it? The thinking was starting to give her a headache, and she realised she was probably at least a little bit drunk, but she accepted another glass from Poe and drank it all in once gulp.

"I love you guys," Rey declared. After all, shouldn't she tell people how she really felt about them before something happened to them too? "You are my family". 

Her head bobbed a little, and suddenly she was crying. Poe looked shocked, and pushed the bottle away towards Finn.

"Time for bed I think Master Jedi" Poe informed her, and Chewie stepped up and away from the table.

Rey nodded and tried to stand, but she swayed a little on her feet and Poe had to steady her. Poe nodded to Chewie, who resorted to just picking Rey up where she snuggled into his fur,

"I missed you," Rey told the Wookie softly, who moaned comfortingly back at her. But she was already asleep. He carried her off towards her room, as the others settled back at the table.

"That was unexpected," Poe eventually offered.

Rose sighed. "She's still not over everything Poe. You filled her full of booze and her walls came down for a second."

Finn looked troubled. 

"Do you think she's ready to handle our plans?" Poe asked Rose.

Rose shrugged her shoulders. "I think she'll enjoy having Finn around, but don't expect her to have much tolerance for the new Senate's plan to put her at the front and centre of their peacekeeping plans and train them a new Jedi Order. The Jedi might have been a religious army during the Clone Wars, but Rey isn't interested in the old ways".

Poe scowled, although he'd already agreed with Finn and Rose that such an idea was ridiculous given the current number of Jedi in the galaxy, as far as they all knew, was _one_. It was more that he couldn't lie to the Council and therefore the new Senate, he had to ask her even though her knew her answer already.

Chewie came back on the room and settled back down, nodding at the brandy. He growled a few times at them, but otherwise seemed happy enough to sit with them. Of all the group only Rey seemed to be fluent in Shyriwook, but Finn and Poe had developed enough of an understanding to get the general gist of what Chewie was saying. He was worried about Rey, and didn't want to leave her again.

"I know buddy," Finn reassured him. "She's not going to be alone anymore I promise. You and Rose head to Coruscant in the morning to pick up the rest of her data chips and relay Rey's answer to their request. Whatever that'll be."

************************************************************************************************************************

_The dreams that night were all jumbled. She was back on Jakku, but this time she was standing in her AT-AT and holding hands with Ben. He pointed to the marks on the walls, each one another day of loneliness and abandonment._

_"You're not alone Rey, not really."_

_She rounded on him angrily and yanked her hand away._

_"You left me there on Exegol," she hissed furiously. "You saved me and then you kissed me and then you **left** me Ben Solo."_

_Suddenly they were back in the cave on Lothal. They sat quietly together next to the stream, and Ben ran his fingers through the water. It curled around them, his fingers creating little eddy's, but when Rey tried to hold his hands her own frustrating passed through him._

_"So you're some kind of Force Ghost then?"_

_Ben shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know Rey."_

_She stood up and kicked the dirt angrily. He jumped up to look at her._

_"Why haven't you come to me? We're supposed to be a Dyad in the Force, why aren't you anywhere other than my dreams?" Rey sobbed a little and turned away from Ben._

_"Rey...."_

_"You want to be free of me, this inconvenient bond that tied you to someone against your own free will."_

_"Rey...."_

_She screamed then, hurt and angry. The walls of the cave shook, and started collapsing around her._

Rey woke in her bed screaming again, and Rose raced in to grab her into her arms, with Poe and Finn looking on concerned from the doorway. But she wasn't truly awake, still half asleep, and settled easily into her blankets as Rose tucked her in and brushed her forehead soothingly. She waved the boys off and settled next to Rey on the edge of the bed, whispering that she would stay with her for a little while.

But as sleep claimed her again, Rey was sure she heard his voice, sad and mournful.... _Rey._


	5. A Place of Many Names

When he first came to, all he knew was pain. He didn't know his name, or where he was, or what had brought him here. But there was pain. Constant, excruciating pain in his right hip, his right knee, and his chest. Multiple bones were broken he realised. But that wasn't the worst pain. There was something deeper, a pain as if his soul had been torn apart, and some kind of vague panic and worry about.... someone perhaps?

He realised he was naked on some sort of floor, if you could call it a floor, but there was something thrown over his body. A white cloak he realised, far too short for him but enough to hide his nakedness at least. He tried to sit up, but his head swam, so he allowed himself to lay back down. He realised his head hurt too, sharp pain mixed with a deeper dull ache. He drifted back to sleep.

*********************************************************************************

The next time he came awake, someone had covered him with a more adequate blanket, although he was still naked under it. Now he remembered a name, although he was fairly certain it wasn't his own. _Rey_. That name seemed important to him, it belonged to someone important. His hip still hurt, but it was less so, and he could breath more easily. This time he didn't try to sit up, but turned his head gently to each side and looked around. He wasn't alone. A small Togruta female sat in a meditative pose to his left, a strange white bird perched on her shoulder, a hand outstretched toward him. He felt a strange tingling throughout his body. But before he could disturb her, the sleep took him again.

*********************************************************************************

The third time he remembered his own name. Ben Solo. His hip felt better, as did his knee, and his mind was clearer although still had a dull ache. This time he could sit up and take a better look, but given he was still without clothes decided he would not rise immediately - the small Togruta was watching him with a slight smile on her face.

"Where am I," Ben asked, "How did I get here?"

The Togruta rose gracefully to her feet, and the bird on her shoulder barely dipped. If it wasn't for the occasional blink of it's eyes, Ben would have sworn the thing was stuffed and tied to her shoulder.

"This isn't really a place Ben Solo. It's everywhere and nowhere, every _when_ and no-when."

Ben was just confused by her words. 

"An anomaly, just like you. You need to rest"

She made a small gesture with her wrist, and Ben found himself drifting off to sleep again.

************************************************************************************************

On his fourth awakening, Ben remember the pit and what had happened there. A momentary panic recalling Rey lying lifeless on the floor as he had pulled himself over the edge of the hole Palpatine had tried his damnedest to bury him in. He had dragged himself towards her, his body broken and bleeding, hoping she was just exhausted. But her eyes had been lifeless and the warmth of her body was already fading, as he pulled her to him and left out a half sob. He had looked in panic around him, and for a second he had tried to reach out to her with the force, to anyone who could help him. He had felt her close by, her soul not yet gone, but nobody had answered him. He had looked again into her unnaturally pale face, her lifeless eyes, and he had made his decision. Really, there had been no other choice.

"Can you hear me," he had begged her. "Hold on. I'm coming for you."

And although he had never healed anyone or anything before, he had somehow known _how_ to do it, and more importantly that it would work. He had placed a hand over her abdomen, and filled her with his own life energy. He had felt himself fading, but had not stopped. A galaxy without her was not worth living in, and he had known his own life with its multitude of sins and mistakes was a small price to pay. And then her small hand had rested on his own, and she had looked into his own eyes, and his soul had cried with joy as she uttered a single word - _Ben_. That alone would have been enough, that she saw him and spoke to him and damn it she had smiled at him too.... but then she had taken his face in her hands and she had _kissed_ him. And as he had smiled at her in pure joy he had thought he was about to die a very happy man. But when he slipped down into the darkness, Rey the only thing on his mind, he _had not_ died. Instead, he had been sucked into another place.

 _And all without his damned clothes_.

The Togruta was meditating again, eyes closed, but he looked at her and noticed the smile playing on her lips. And the bird that constantly sat on her shoulder.... it was always staring at him as though it knew all of his secrets.

He pulled himself to his feet, wrapping the blanket around him almost like an enormous towel. He decided to take a look at this place for himself.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

After a while Ben had begun to hear voices. Hearing voices was what had got him into all this mess in the first place, but these weren't the voices of his dark past. Some of them were familiar, and he followed along trying to find their source, but they were elusive, ethereal.

" _I don't know where you get your delusions, Laser Brain"._

 _"You need a pilot."_ A pause, then a second voice that he recognised, _" I need a_ _pilot_."

_"I need to know that I am not walking into another nightmare here"_

_"Take the professor into the back and plug him into the hyperdrive"_

_"You come from a warm planet Ani. A little too warm for my liking"_

And then suddenly, a voice he recognised better than his own, _hers_.

_"That happens when you are being hunted by a creature in a mask"_

His head whipped around, the voice coming from somewhere behind him. A soft light in the distance, that became a mirror as he approached it. At first he only saw his own reflection, but as he heard Rey's voice again the mirror became like a window on to the events of over a year before... his first conversation with Rey.

He saw himself taking off his mask to stare at her, strapped to his interrogation chair. She took a deep breath.... and he wondered if there was _something_ in him she recognised even then, as he had somehow, deep inside of himself, recognised her....

He watched the other him, _Kylo Ren_ , drop the mask onto a table of ashes, and approach Rey.

_"Tell me about the droid."_

_"He's a BB unit with a selenium drive and thermal hyperscan vindicator"_

_"It's carrying a section of navigational chart, and we have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire. But we need the last piece. And somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you."_

Kylo Ren stared at her intently, and Ben could remember his awe of her even then, although he had hidden it with a sneer and his next words....

_"You. A scavenger...… You know I can take whatever I want"_

Suddenly, a small hand landed on his shoulder, and the mirror disappeared like smoke. The Togruta looked up at him from her small height. For once the damned bird wasn't perched on her shoulder.

"What was that," Ben asked, trembling slightly.

She looked slightly mournful.

"A portal. To a place of your past. Some show the now, others the past, and sometimes the future."

Ben pondered that a moment

"Can one leave this place?"

The Togruta pulled gently on his arm, and sat down on the floor as he followed suit.

"This place is a vergence in the Force, It has had many names... the Scatter, the World between Worlds, Netherworld of Unbeing. I have left and returned many times."

Ben looked hopeful.

"So I could go back to Rey then?"

The Togruta didn't answer immediately, and he wondered if she was being mysterious on purpose but she was simply chosing her words carefully.

"One must choose the right place, and the right time, for going back into your past or forwards to your future can be dangerous. Not just to you but to all those you love"

Ben shivered, but he resolved to get out of this place.

"You must find the right opening" she cautioned.

"Who _are_ you?"

"I have had many names," she replied. "But before I became something more, my mother called me Ahsoka." 


	6. Overwhelmed

Rey woke with a pounding in her head, a mouth like one of Poe's stinky socks had been stuffed in it, and a queasiness she remembered all too well from the last time Poe had convinced her to drink with him. The suns were barely up, but she already knew today was not going to be productive. 

She rummaged around in the small dresser unit to find some clean clothes, marvelling as she sniffed her armpit that someone so small could smell worse than a bantha. Rey dragged her sorry self to the fresher next door, and decided _to hell with it_ , she was going to stay under the showerhead until she ran out of her hard earned water. Rey turned on the tap, and quickly stripped off and stepped into the fresher. As she leaned against the wall trying to remain upright she vomited bile without warning. _Definitely not an improvement_ Rey thought. _Kriff it_ , she was going to drown herself in the fresher because that was a damn sight better than facing the world.

After a few moments however the natural instincts of a desert dweller to conserve water came back to her and she quickly finished her ablutions. Roughly drying off before wrapping the towel around herself, she stared critically at her reflection in the small mirror. She was thin, with pinched nose and cheeks and dark circles under her eyes. Even her upper arms, previously toned and well muscled by a lifetime of scavenging, looked thin and scrawny. She brushed her hair, her teeth, and dressed in clothing she had made herself that was already too large for her. But it hid some of the more concerning aspects of her appearance, for her friends would surely notice and make comment.

The waft of caf and cooking grain broth assaulted her nasal passages as she wandered into the kitchen, Poe busy stirring a pot and grinning at her as she flopped onto a chair at the table.

"I blame you, Dameron," Rey growled. "I seem to remember the last time this happened to me you were at fault too."

"You're all grown up Jedi, your mistakes are your own." He laughed, and set a cup of caf and a bowl of grain broth in front of her.

Rey sipped her caf but eyed the grain broth with suspicion, her stomach rolling.

"Chewie's prepping the Falcon," Poe informed her, and then cut off her attempt at a protest. "That old bucket of bolts needs a proper overhaul and he and Rose can take care of it on their trip to Coruscant. If you're going to insist on travelling around the galaxy in it, a Jedi needs a reliable vessel."

Rey huffed, but her sharp retort was cut off by the arrival of Finn and Rose, hand in hand again. Rey smiled at the two of them, then winced as the effort brought on a fresh headache

"I'm glad you're up before I have to leave," Rose greeted her, "I thought you might choose to stay in bed."

"I seriously considered it," Rey admitted, "but I thought I'd better be a be a good host. Lucky Dameron had already cooked, otherwise you'd all be enjoying rations bars with your caf."

They ate in companionable silence, Rey picking at her food but finding after the hesitant first mouthful that it was going to stay down. She was aware of three sets of eyes watching her as they ate, but for the moment at least there was no sense of worry or fear for her as they all enjoyed each others company.

*******************************************************************************************

Rey stood near the edge of the farmstead's central court with Poe and Finn, each with an arm around her shoulders, watching the Falcon head out of the atmosphere. Although she still felt that constant ache, a sense of missing a part of herself, she felt safe with her two dearest friends again... even if most of the time she spent with Poe she also wanted to slap some sense into him. And she was keen to start reading through the data Kaydel had sent her.

She frowned slightly as she thought of the post breakfast conversation - Poe had told her the Council, ahead of the formation of the new Senate, were keen to have her train a new Jedi Order as the peace keepers. She had told him that whilst she was planning to train new Padawan's, starting with Finn, she had no interest in answering the politicians. That had played a part in the fall of the republic, to Vader and Palpatine and..... no, there would be no Jedi Council sitting on Coruscant to answer to the Senate. The republic could ask her for help, but she was not their puppet and her students would not be either.

Finn and Poe both stepped away as the Falcon disappeared through the atmosphere. As the comfort of contact was gone, so too was her sense of safety and she felt that ache in her chest grow slightly heavier. She led both men back down to the homestead, and set about making a fresh batch of caf as the two men she thought of as her brothers settled into chairs at the table. Her head still had the dull ache of a hangover, and when Poe pulled out the bottle of Corellian brandy to pour a measure into each of their cups she shook her head a decided no. Poe snorted a soft laugh but left her cup alone.

"So what have you got planned for the rest of the day", Poe asked Rey as she settled at the table across from him.

"I thought I'd start reading the data Kaydel sent, and then get an early night. I need to check the south field in the morning or we will run out of water."

Poe raised one eyebrow questioningly

"Water here is hard to come buy Poe - its a desert. I have a whole field of moisture evaporators but the only way to harvest it is manually collect it. If you want to drink, let alone wash, cook or grow any plants..."

"How long does that take?"

"A few hours... I usually make two or three runs to collect as much of it as I can, so I start before dawn. Not too early as the Sand People are about, but the later you leave it the worse the heat is."

"We can help you," Finn interjected, but Rey just laughed.

"There's not enough room on the speeder, and you'll just slow me down for now. How about you two take care of the cooking, since Poe seems to have stolen my kitchen."

******************************************************************************

The sheer quantity of data that Kaydel had sent her was overwhelming Rey. Everything about Lothal, not just the Temple, seemed to have been drawn from the Great Library and she had no idea how to approach the task.

Although Rey had obviously had the beginnings of an education before her parents had left her on Jakku, most of her learning had been opportunistic, and mostly self taught. She had a gift for languages, and could read, but despite her naturally bright mind she was no scholar and had no idea how to break down the information in front of her, process it and extract that which was useful.

Poe had brought her some caf throughout the afternoon, and a few snacks, but as the afternoon sunlight turned the shadows long Rey was suffering from a dull throbbing headache due in part to the Corellian brandy from the night before, and in part the sheer difficulty of scholarly pursuit. She grew drowsy, and more than once found her almost slumping forwards with her head on the dining table. Poe was in her kitchen, quietly beginning the evening meal, but not even his presence was keeping her fully awake.

**_Rey....._ **

She jerked her head up for a second, but Poe was not paying her any attention and hadn't said a word. She slumped forward again, rubbing her neck gently where and ache had set in.

**_Rey......_ **

_A large hand gently caressed the back of her neck, rubbing at the ache that started there and spread down her back between her shoulder blades._

**_You need a rest_ ** _, Ben admonished as he pulled his hand away and sat at the table in front of her._

_He didn't look like a ghost, at least not as she's seen Luke or Leia, but she had seen and felt him die. She bit her lower lip and tried to stop the unbidden tears from falling. What was this? Looking around her kitchen, she didn't see Poe anymore, but most of peripheral vision had slipped to a hazy blur and all she could see clearly was Ben sitting clearly before her._

**_Need a hand?_ ** _he offered._

_Rey smiled ruefully. **I'm afraid I'm not much of a scholar Ben..... how do I go about this?**_

**_Lucky for you I've spent a lot of time studying... you need a system to classify your information, and a way to search for the specific criteria. Why did you get so much data anyway?_ **

_Rey shook her head and huffed in frustration. **I don't know what will be helpful or what I actually need.... I spoke to Luke and we identified all this started on Lothal but that's all I really know. I just asked Kaydel for everything and though I could find it here.**_

_Ben shook his head and half smiled at her. **I don't know if the weather patterns of the last thousand years are all that helpful sweetheart. But I don't even know what the problem is to begin with.**_

_Rey cried then, hot angry tears of frustration. **Why can't I see your ghost? Why did I start having those nightmares, they all started after I went to Lothal. Why, if we are two that are one, am I alive without you?**_

_Rey's chest hurt. It was like a great weight was bearing down on it, crushing her slowly and she could no longer breathe. Ben looked at her, frightened, as she struggled for air and began to turn a dark shade. She grabbed at her chest, trying to suck in air but it refused to move._

"Rey!" Poe was screaming at her in concern as she slumped forward, her forehead slamming on the table. "BREATHE!"

She sucked in a shuddering breath and whimpered in pain. BB-8 was chattering concernedly to Poe and watching her.

"Sorry, fell asleep. Bad dream."

Poe eyed her suspiciously. "BB-8 says there has been a few of those."

Rey was breathing normally now, but her chest was still agony and she looked mournfully at the spot where Ben had been. Of course he had never really been there, had he?

"Rey?"

"Hmmm. Sorry Poe. I guess I'm still adjusting to everything."

He looked her hard in the eye, and settled into the chair next to her. He took one of her hands in both of his and sighed

"Rey, I know something went on at Exogol. You looked dreadful afterwards, and you've never really been yourself since." He raised her hand, in both of his to his lips and gently kissed it. "You're like a little sister to me and I don't like to see you in pain. Share with me. Some of it at least".

She pulled her hand away from his and shuddered. 

"You would hate me," she whispered. "You would _not_ understand. Finn would hate me too. All of you." 

That look, one of self loathing in face..... he'd seen it before when she thought she'd killed Chewie. What was she hiding from him? Or from Finn, her best friend?

She shook herself, and wordlessly got up from the table to run outside. Rey avoided Finn, who was in the central courtyard trying to meditate, and took off up the stairwell to race out onto the dunes. She wasn't running away, just to the nearest workshop to get some needed space. Poe and Finn were her family, and she couldn't lose them or Rose and Chewie. Not after losing Ben. _Kriff_ , she couldn't even share that with them, let alone her biggest fear that they would know she was Palpatine's granddaughter. 

She curled up on the floor of the workshop, her back against the second speeder she was halfway through repairing, and let the hot tears fall. She was a kriffing mess, and she knew it - overwhelmed by her loneliness, grief, and expectations she couldn't hope to fulfill. If only the Council could see their precious Jedi hope.

A faint blue glow began to suffuse the room, and she felt a pair of ghostly hands on her shoulders, and simply let them comfort her through her breakdown. They were not the face she wanted to see, but drew strength from them as she keened her grief again. 


	7. This is the place, but not the time

Ben had been wandering the vergence for what felt like forever. But time didn't really have any meaning here, so it could have been just a few moments, or it could have been eternity. But he woke up wearing clothing, so that's a positive he supposed. He had dreamed of his days as Luke's Padawan, and was reminded of the night Luke had almost killed him - and now he was in those same damned robes.

Ahsoka encouraged him to meditate, and to find his connection with the Force _from a place that is neither dark nor light_ as she had put it. She seemed both old and young, but despite her kind eyes and voice she didn't speak much with him and didn't tell him very much about her. He had recognised her name, one he had read in a history of Vader and Anakin Skywalker, and knew she had once been his grandfather's Padawan learner. Yet he wasn't really interested in feeding the obsession he had once had with Vader by asking her any questions, and she offered no commentary.

Instead, whenever Ahsoka disappeared off to wherever it was she went, he wandered about listening for voices, looking for the windows to Rey. Nothing as clear as those first glimpses, but Ben did get the occasional muted images of her miserable and lonely childhood, and revisited the mirror to Starkiller frequently.

At first, he thinks they are barely visible because of her youth, but thinks this makes no sense because these aren't memories but the events themselves. And then he supposes..... these are all images from before their bond was awakened, when their connection was there but not active. That's why he can see the interrogation room so clearly, that was when their bond was first set aflame. 

_This vision particularly bothers him, although most of what he sees of her life on Jakku haunts him._

_Rey is still quite young, but has begun to blossom into womanhood, and Unkar Plutt has a thoughtful look in his eye. She brings him a lot of valuable scrap, but one of his prostitutes has died in childbirth and he has told Rey he wants her to move in to Niima outpost. Rey is innocent of such things, but suspicious of Unkar through long experience. She refused him, but on her journey home to her AT-AT Unkar has sent a couple of his thugs to follow her. Ben watches in horror as one of them grabs her small staff, knocks her down to the sands not a mile from her home, and decides to seek payment from her as well as on delivery to Unkar. She is screaming, crying as he hits her and begans to tear away her clothing exposing her chest. Rey strikes at him with her fist in terror, and connects. She cant see because of the tears and blood streaming into her eyes from a cut on her forehead, but Ben can see the man is thrown high and long through the air and lands dead on the ground a hundred feet away from her. The second thug grabs at her, and Rey claws at him and strikes him in the throat with her fist. Again Ben can see she has drawn from the Force unknowingly, and has crushed his windpipe. Rey scrambles away, not seeing, and bolts over the dunes towards her home. A moment later the vision shifts, and he can see she is hiding in her home, rolled into a ball on her makeshift bed, filthy with her torn clothes still around her. He's not sure but it looks like it has been at least a few days of hiding, she looks drawn and pinched and dangerously for a desert environment she looks thirsty. But something inside her changes suddenly, and she draws in a deep breath and starts putting together a new staff that looks familiar._

Another window, and this time Ben doesn't see anything, but then can _hear_ her.... screaming in pain and crying his name. It is a sound that tears at him and sends him into a panic. He slams his fist against the window and screams her name in return, but neither hears nor sees anything else. He makes a mental note to revisit this one, wondering if it is past or present and determined to make sure she is okay.

He revisits the interrogation room, marvelling again at the sheer spunk of her defiance and the pull of attraction he had felt even then. 

***************************************************************************************************************************************

Ahsoka eventually found him sitting contemplatively on the sort of floor by the sort of mirror that lead him to Starkiller. He wasn't sure where she went when she wasn't around - somewhere else in the vergence, or was she leaving it altogether and coming back?

She frowned at him, and sank gracefully to the floor next to him.

"I have told you Ben Solo, this is neither the time nor the place. You cant leave the vergence here."

Ben sighed. 

"I haven't found anywhere else yet" he murmured quietly, "and I'm beginning to think the Force is punishing me".

"You are not being punished," Ahsoka reassured him, "you just need to keep looking."

He lumbered to his feet but Ahsoka was more graceful. He looked down into her eye and frowned at her.

"Am I dead," he asked her again.

"No. You are one half of a dyad, a force like life itself. Öne cannot truly die without the other."

A horrifying thought grabs at Ben, but it seemed Ahsoka had read his mind.

 _"She_ is not dead either Ben, although it does seem she wishes so."

She pulls him to another mirror, and he can see Rey on a desert landscape. At first he thinks it is Jakku, but the sands are all wrong.

_Her face looks pinched and there are dark circles under her eyes. She's tripped over something in the sand, and she is sprawled on her back gasping for breath. She looks unharmed to Ben, other than winded, but from this angle he can see the abnormal jut of her hip bones and her unnatural thinness. FN 2187 calls her name, and she drags herself to sitting position._

_"It's alright Finn, I tripped over one of those old pipes! Nothing serious."_

_He watches FN..., no Finn, march across the distance between a pair of speeders and her position, handing her a canister. She pops it open and drinks deeply from it, before wiping her mouth and handing it back to him. He can see she is sitting on the sands in front of a vast field of moisture evaporators, Empire era he thinks, and realises she's at Luke's old home on Tatooine_

_"Come on Rey," Finn says, pulling her to her feet, "lets get back to the others and have some breakfast"._

_Ben is confused - if Finn is with her, if others are with her, whys does she look so ill? He's seen her many times in her past on Jakku, and whilst she was always thin and hungry he's never actually seen her like this..... looking like she is starving._

"Why are you showing me this?". He is confused and perhaps a little angry.

"You are not the only one in pain," Ahsoka tells him simply. "You need to find your way out."

But despite this being a place clearly after Exogol, this place is a seen only through a window and he cannot step through it no matter how hard he tries.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

He goes back to the mirror that frightens him a little, the one where Rey is in pain and screaming his name.

Ahsoka follows, but says nothing as she watches.

After a moment, the mirror clouds a little but he still cannot _see_ her. 

_Rey screams in agony and Ben can hear another voice. Muted, and he cannot hear the words, but there._

_"No," Rey clearly moans. "Nooooo"._

_She screams again, a blood curdling sound and he thinks she might be dying._

_"Please," Rey begs. "I need your help Ben."_

_He can hear her suck in a deep breath, and begin chanting. **Be with me. Be with me.**_

"This must have been when I was in the pit." Ben mutters, pretty sure he doesn't want to see Palpatine torturing her.

Ahsoka pulls on his elbow, drawing him back.

"Not there," she warns. 

She sits down to meditate at this spot, but waves him off to continue his own journey. Something about this mirror clearly bothers Ahsoka.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

Ben has been wandering the vergence for a while, and he's not sure if he's ever going to find the right place.

He starts hearing voices again, but these are familiar, and directing him towards something.

_"No. NO! You're still …. holding on. Let go!. Do you want to know the truth about your parents?"_

He twists around trying to follow that voice. Not his finest moment, but he had meant it when he asked her to rule with him.

_"They were filthy junk traders, sold you off for drinking money"_

He knew he had broken her heart in that moment, and he felt a deep pang of shame

_"Join me...…. please"_

He realised that was almost.... a proposal.

_"I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone."_

He remembered that conversation only too well. The first time they'd touched through their bond.

Now he suspected he knew where he was going.

The mirror was cloudy, but this time it was both more substantial and more insubstantial. Like it was a _real_ mirror, that he was on the wrong side of yet if he could just break through he would be able to reach her.

_As he approached he could see, dimly, that she was approaching too. He was looking at her, and she was looking at him._

_Briefly for a second they were almost touching the mirror at the same spot. He could feel her on the other side of it, but something wasn't right._

Ahsoka pulled him back suddenly, and now he was merely watching Rey from a distance again, as the mirror on her side showed her a reflection of herself and not his approaching shadow anymore.

"This is the place," Ben told her triumphantly.

"But not the time" Ahsoka warned.


	8. Padawan learner

Rey had stomped back into the homestead and refused to look at Poe, but had taken the bowl of soup he'd prepared and picked at the bread. She knew it was childish to be angry at him, but she had found herself a modicum of peace and a routine that suited her, and the lumbering nerfherder had upset her fragile balance. 

Finn said nothing, just watching the two of them in turn from the corners of his eyes and eaten quietly.

When she'd had enough to eat, which was far too little in Poe's opinion but he wasn't game to say a word, she had thrown to bowl into the sink with a satisfying sound of it breaking, and stomped off to her room.

Poe just shrugged his shoulders at Finn, and Finn rolled his eyes, but they cleaned up the kitchen and went their separate ways for the night.

**************************************************************************************************************

A week went by, with Rey running out to the south field each morning for two or three water loads, and occasional evening trips to check the droids were still running properly or to respond to an alert from the pad if there was a problem. She used the unloading of the barrels into the central tank to demonstrate to Finn the use of the force in lifting objects.

Finn couldn't lift the barrels himself, but Rey was please to see he could _feel_ what she was doing, and moved on to more deliberate meditation in the Force. He was slow to pick up reaching out to feel things around him, at least to the impatient Rey, but the ghost of Master Luke counselled her that Finn's abilities where moving along at a normal sort of pace and she couldn't judge her Padawan on her own rapid development which had been due largely in part to her dyad with Ben as well as her extraordinary natural talent.

And Rey supposed she really did have a Padawan now, as much as she didn't feel ready for one. Jedi eschewed relationships and love, and Rey wasn't sure Finn was prepared to keep on his path without Rose. He was absolutely stupid in love with Rose, she realised, and she wondered what that meant for his training. But Master Luke had just shrugged his shoulders and told her how the new order unfolded was up to her, and eschewing personal relationships hadn't exactly worked out either. Her own obsession with the dead Ben Solo wasn't very Jedi-like either she ruminated.

Poe didn't apologise for pushing her, but he helped her with the repairs of the second speeder and on the fifth day since Rose and Chewie left if finally shuddered to life. Suddenly she realised that they could collect all the water in just a couple of runs working together and she felt a new sense of security in her environment. Water was never far from the mind of a desert dweller. The day was complete when Rose and Chewie arrived back on the homestead, the Falcon's engines sounding healthy and the old ship looking in much better condition. Rose had thrown herself into Finn's arms and almost dragged him away to the homestead ignoring Rey and Poe except for a quick "hi", but Chewie grabbed Rey in an enormous hug and moaned in distress over how much thinner she was. After that admonishment he had ushered into the Falcon to show off the improvements. She squealed in excitement to see how the ship and the _walls_ looked _new_ and _clean_.

And in the main cargo hold were crates and crates of modular tubing - _pipes_ she realised, to start laying a new collecting system for her water.

"Though that might cheer you up," Poe grinned at her from the doorway of the hold.

Rey smiled, the grin splitting her face. She was genuinely happy, and grateful to Poe, however difficult she might find him sometimes. She ran to him and threw her arms around him in a friendly hug

"Thank you Poe."

He squeezed her tight for a second, then let her go frowning slightly. Rey had always been slight, but now she felt dangerously thin. But rather than upset her, he kept his mouth shut and instead vowed to ensure he kept a much closer watch on her.

***************************************************************************************************************

The days quickly settled into a routine - in the morning Rey and Finn would get up before dawn, and head out to the southfield to collect water. Poe, Rose and Chewie would prepare breakfast and tidy up. When Finn and Rey returned, they would eat companionably together and Poe would frown at her everytime she put down her bowl to finish. _Just a little bit more, Rey_ he would ask her, _please?_ He was kind, and caring, and Rey felt a surge of affection for him, but he was _not Ben_. And sometimes Rey secretly hated him for that.

Chewie had flown over the south field and mapped out the land between the homestead's central tank and the field, and Rose was busy planning a new collecting system so Rey and Finn would no longer have to go out every. After breakfast each morning Rose would sketch up her latest modification, but had decided the first logical step would be to build a new tank at the edge of the field and then pipe the collected water from there. _Because it makes sense to have a collecting tank_ , Rose had explained, _so if something happens to the system between the field and the homestead you can at least still collect the water from one spot in the field and not have to visit each unit individually_. It made sense to Rey's logical mind, although it would take longer and be more work to set up.

Finn and Poe spent their time setting up more hydroponics, coaxing into life the beginnings of a garden that would feed Rey and her students, when she settled on them. Poe would then spend time with Rey's holo-communicator, making plans with Kaydel and the Council for the next steps for the Senate and keeping tabs on his peace-keepers tracking down First Order hold outs. Finn, meanwhile, had started reading through the Jedi texts, which Rey had dumped unceremoniously on his lap the second morning after Rose and Chewie returned. _If you want to start learning about the Force, maybe start here,_ she had huffed, _and we will see if you're ready to learn something more..._

While the others set about their days, Rey had continued working her way through the history of Lothal. She had already known about the temple, which had once stood tall in a field of obelisks but for some reason had sunk into the ground and was essentially a ruin when she visited. She had never stepped within the temple itself, not being able to access it in its current state, but had felt the power emanating it from it and the flow of that power into the cave where she had found her kyber crystal. It seemed the temple was a place where Padawans and their masters had gone to take trials, and perhaps those not worthy had ended up entombed within. She shuddered at the thought. A single line from an imperial minister, someone called Hydan, mentioned something about _Mortis Gods_ and the Emporer's interest in a particular artefact... and the memory of her decrepit grandfather and what he had done to Ben (and to her), made her chest tighten and her breath ragged.

From what Rey had been able to gather, reading the history and the Jedi texts, Lothal might have been a nexus in the Force. She had read about vergences, people or places in the Force where strange things happened and the power of the Force was concentrated. She supposed the dyad she shared with Ben was something of a vergence, and thinking about the mirror cave on Achto and the way it had made her feel..... she wondered if a nexus was truly a place of darkness or light, or if they were balance? Was the temple on Lothal a place or light, and the cave on Achto its corresponding dark twin, and perhaps she and Ben were..... but then neither she nor Ben were truly light or dark, each with a measure of both if she were to be truly honest. 

By the time the midday meal rolled around each day Rey usually had a mild headache thinking about the whole thing.... she was always grateful for the break even though Poe's watchful eyes as she ate was starting to grate on her nerves.

The afternoon was usually set aside for her to have a short nap (again at Poe's insistence, although Finn and Rose were always backing him (traitors), but in truth she needed that break as her sleep was still broken with vivid dreams of Ben. She didn't wake screaming from nightmares so much anymore, but when she awoke that awful ache in her chest came back full force, like someone had torn half the vital organs from her chest and she couldn't survive long without being whole. And most of those dreams were centred, again, around the cave in Lothal. 

After her nap, she had taken to spending an hour or so practicing forms alone and then meditating with Finn, trying to help him centre himself in the Force and to feel its tendrils through all living things. Finn often joked there wasn't much living around the homestead other than their friends and the garden they were building, but he was _trying...._ perhaps a little too hard.... to show Rey his commitment to learning.

*****************************************************************************************

Finn was pretty pleased with himself after that first week. It seemed Rey was more willing each day to teach him, and he had found the text's fascinating. He was mildly annoyed, although knew better than to express it to Rey, that so far all he had done was read and meditate and hadn't had any sabre training or physical practice. Realistically the heat of the Tatooine desert probably precluded much physical training during the daylight hours and Rey was always exhausted by dusk. He was deeply worried by Rey's exhaustion, the dark bruised appearance of her eyes and how thin she looked. At least she didn't appear to be getting any worse, solely due to Poe's attentions he realised, but Rey was clearly sick. He hadn't commented on it, but during their meditation together he had felt her in the Force, and her energy seemed muted, broken and incomplete, like a wound that wouldn't heal and a soul that was crying out for something. It frightened him, and he wanted to say something to Rey but when he had tried to talk about what he could feel in the force he had seen her pain and made a joke about there being nothing much alive out here. 

He had found the text's discussion of vergences, and a drawing of the Vergence Scatter absolutely fascinating, and Rey's mentioning of Lothal potentially being a nexus seemed to just make sense to him. He didn't know why Rey was so interested in it, but it was a fascinating topic and he supposed she would share with him one day. Until then he would read the texts, practice what she would be willing to teach, and hope that she would finally formally agree to be his Master. He knew that the Jedi traditionally eschewed attachments and _relationships_ , but he vowed to learn as much as he could before he was asked to choose between Rose and the Jedi... and he already knew he would choose Rose. Her small warm body wrapped around him every night, just like his heart was wrapped around her fingers, her deep soulful eyes and the way they made him feel... he wouldn't give her up by choice. But he felt the need to know all he could, to protect her and Rey and the whole damned galaxy with the Force if required. He dreaded Rey making leaving Rose a condition.

********************************************************************************************

The second week after Chewie and Rose returned saw all five of them out in the south field each morning, building the collecting tank and plumbing each evaporator to it. Rey and Finn had collected enough water in that first week to forgo a few days of collecting in favour of working on the field's infrastructure although, ever conscious of water from a lifetime of desert dwelling, Rey had instructed everyone to keep showers short and use only what they truly needed. She always made sure to fill a couple barrels with water each morning when they arrived, and encouraged everyone to fill their water canisters whilst they were at the field.

The plumbing needed to be soft, flexible and with some leeway in it and there were a few problems Rey and Rose had to engineer on the fly. But they worked well together, and companionably, and eventually the tank was ready to go. Piping to the central tank at the homestead could begin shortly, but now at least water collection would be faster, travelling only to the tank rather than each evaporator. Her two maintenance droids would monitor the plumbing and the tank now, as well as the evaporators, but despite the vast size of the field Rey didn't think she would need any additional droids just yet.

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After the week spent building the tank and the field collecting system, Poe couldn't put off heading back to the Republic. Chewie mournfully accompanied him, not wanting to leave the Falcon and it's memories again, but he was not built for a desert environment. Chewie had held her close, soft moans of distress at leaving her, growling about her sickly appearance and her need to take better care of herself. Poe had promised to send a team of engineers to Rose, to complete the piping from the field to the homestead, hugging them all goodbye.

"Anything I can tell the Interim Council?" Poe asked meaningfully after he hugged her farewell, glancing at Finn as he spoke.

Rey scowled at him, but she knew he also had people to answer to.

"I suppose..... you could tell them I've taken my first Padawan," she muttered. "But don't let them think they're going to tell me what to do."

"Never," Poe smiled seriously. "Even Leia had a hard time getting you to do as you were told.....:"

Finn had heard her call him her Padawan to Poe, and she could feel his excitement. She smiled slightly at Finn in acknowledgement, but said no more. Another headache was coming on and she didn't want to talk right now.

Rose, Finn and Rey watched the freighter carrying Poe, Chewie and BB-8 until it broke atmosphere. Rose and Finn left her alone to go prepare the evening meal, but Rey stood by the small opening down into the central courtyard below, watching the setting suns and thinking dark thoughts about her grandfather. She supposed it was something she was going to have to share with Finn, because it would be wrong to have such a secret between her and her Padawan if she was to teach him, and besides he was her first friend and deserved the truth. But she felt sick at the very thought of having to open up that wound, for someone who despite being her found family wasn't her other half.... _wasn't Ben_ , who knew her almost better than she did herself.

************************************************************************************************

It started at dinner time. Rose and Finn were not fantastic cooks, but Rey wasn't one to complain after a lifetime of minimal rations and polystarch bread. It was edible, and simpler than the fancy fare Poe had cooked to try and entice her to eat more, but it was more than enough for someone who had never had the luxury of ingredients and more than the most basic cooking (usually roasting a small reptile or rodent she'd occasionally caught) or rehydrating the occasional hard earned instant meal.

But her head was positively pounding now, and her chest had that all too familiar ache, and she checked herself to confirm she'd had enough water (yes, plenty), and not too much sun (no, she'd been to the field only twice with Finn, and then had been out of the sun until Poe and Chewie left), and other than tripping over a stupid old broken pipe from the previous reticulation system she hadn't injured herself. So why did her head ache so badly?

Rey picked at her meal, and looked meaningfully at her friends. She rubbed her temples, and tired to broach the subject of.... well everything she knew she should have told them long before now and everything Finn needed to know if he was to trust her as his Master.

"So.… Finn. I think we need to talk about what you accepting me as your Master means," Rey began awkwardly. 

Finn raised one eyebrow over his plate of grain and meat paste, but said nothing.

"Its far too hard to tell you, but in the morning can we meditate together? Perhaps I can show you?"

Finn nodded slowly, not sure if he was experienced enough yet for that sort of meditation but eager to try..... and more than a little concerned at the element of fear and expected rejection Rey was broadcasting.

Rey pushed her plate away, and stood up slowly.

"I think I'll retire now. Tomorrow we will skip the water run in order to meditate early."

The dreams were with her again that night.

_She was running through a forest, terrified and alone, and **hunted**. Takodana. Kylo Ren had found her. She was trapped, unable to more as he approached her, his red sabre spitting. _

_"The girl I've heard so much about" he began, and Rey thought her heart was about to give out on her it was beating so fast and erratically._

_But the Kylo took off his mask, and Ben appeared._

_"Rey..... it's you!" Ben cried joyfully. The mask and the saber were dropped, and he gathered her in his arms as she fainted._

_"It's alright sweetheart," Ben soothed as he cradled her to his chest. "I'll always be with you."_

_She moaned against his chest, her pain lessened by his presence._

_Now, suddenly, they were on the Supremacy. He was telling her she was nothing.... nobody.... but not to him._

_"Didn't you realise I didn't want an apprentice anymore," he told her mournfully. "If you had taken my hand, I would have done anything you asked of me. I'm so sorry, Rey. I made you feel worthless and in the next moment I asked you to join me, and I failed to make it clear to you what I meant. I'm not even sure I had the words to say it properly."_

_She sobbed and threw herself into his arms._

_"I wanted to take your hand, Ben's hand," she cried into his chest, "if I had just taken your hand you would still be alive."_

_"You don't know that", he answered, as they sat side by side together next to the stream that ran through the cave on Lothal. "Palpatine would still have come after you, and I would have done anything to protect you from him. It could have ended up exactly the same."_

_She leaned against his chest and sighed._

_"But we would have been together, at least for a while..... we might have been a little happy."_

_Ben chuckled. "I think we could have been a lot happy."_

_He kissed her, deeply and passionately, and far more heatedly than their kiss on Exogol. She melted into his arms, and for a long moment had no idea if this was reality or just another dream....._

_And then he took her small face in his large hands and smiled at her, his eyes boring in to her_

_"Who says we can't still be happy Rey?"_

She jerked awake, and sat up looking around her room. The first rays of light has began to creep into her room, and she raised her fingers to her face to find them wet with tears. And yet, for the first time in a long time that ache in her chest each time she dreamed of Ben was not so sharp. _Come find me, sweetheart._


	9. A Tale Retold

Ahsoka had disappeared again, and Ben realised it was likely she had the freedom to come and go as she pleased, but that he was more limited. He decided as long as there _was_ a way for him to ultimately leave and be reunited with Rey, he didn't particularly care _why_ he couldn't just leave now.... it was an interesting academic issue but nothing he absolutely had to know.

For a while, after she left, he wandered between the various windows he'd already visited - skirting the one he thought of as the _Palpatine torturing Rey one_ , listening and watching and just contemplating Rey. He had realised early on, when the Force had started bringing them together, their bond.... that she was more than just another Force user, more than just a foe or an ally. He reflected that even before she had come to him on the Supremacy, before he had taken her before Snoke, that they were meant to be together in the Force. And he'd already, somewhere deep down, fallen in love with her although had no hope she would ever return the feelings of someone she had seen as a _monster_. Yet she had come to him anyway, placing herself at his mercy, and ultimately he realised that he couldn't let Snoke harm her, that he would _die for her_ before that happened.... and had felt so betrayed when she hadn't returned his affections. Like a lovesick, angry teenager...…..

Now, he's found a new mirror, one he watches with fascination and a little horror. It seems Rey has taken on a Padawan, and he chuckles a little when he sees it is Finn. _Oh yes_ , he thinks to himself, _I should have realised at Tuanul_.

They are seated across from each other, on a blanket. Its a large, round courtyard at the bottom of a short shaft. He's never been here, but he's seen the place in Luke's mind when Ben himself was a Padawan - its the old Lars Homestead on Tatooine. 

_"I'm going to show you everything Finn," Rey is saying, "But you must watch and listen until the end. You wont understand the truth unless you see it all"._

_Rey leans forward, the first two fingers of each hand on his temples._

_"Be with me, Be with me," she chants, and Ben realises she is not calling for the presence of the past Jedi so much as their strength to assist her with this task._

_She looks so frail, thin and unwell, all dark bruised eyes and pinched cheeks, and the fingers of her hands almost skeletally thin. Why aren't they taking better care of her? And yet, she looks more at peace than she did the last time he intruded on her, when she had fallen in the desert._

_Ben can see what Finn sees in his mind, what Rey is showing him. In fact, Ben feels the connection too, and some of his own memories and feelings are being poured across the ragged remnants of the bond and he is sharing their story too...._

_The very first time Rey and Ben saw each other, it was even before Takodana although its flimsy and veiled..... the day she was born when he dreamed of an angel. The day her parents left her with Unkar, and he had gone to slap her across the mouth when she screamed and pulled against him, but something had stayed his hand.... they young Padawan Ben had dreamed of a great brute threatening a small child and in his sleep had grabbed at him to stop him._

_Then the strangest pull he had felt in the Force when he set foot on Jakuu, during the raid on Tuanul, when he had not raised his hand against Finn.... he had been distracted by something vague in the Force._

_the meeting in the Forest (oh but somehow he couldn't stop Finn seeing how fascinated he had been with Rey, even from that very first moment, and how only for her he had chosen to remove his helmet to try and temper her fear), how he had been torn apart by his father's death instead of committed to the dark as Snoke had promised. How the moment he had met her his corruption had started to become undone, and the light had slowly bled back in to him. The fight on Starkiller, when he had felt a moment of dread when she'd been thrown against the tree and rendered unconscious - he hadn't intended to be so forceful but he had not been gentle for such a long time! But she was alive, he could feel it..... and how he had played with Finn, despite his injury he could have easily taken him but he wanted to get the measure of him. And he wanted to get back to the girl..... And her awakening, calling to the sabre that Ben considered his own, and claiming her strength. He had offered to teach her, not truly because he wanted an apprentice but because he was fascinated with her, and because he knew Snoke would not tolerate her survival unless she was one of them. And despite the roaring agony of the blow when she rendered him that scar..... all he could do was watch in awe as she padded like a feral animal in front of him. He wasn't sure then, even if he hadn't been injured, that he could have bested her in battle._

_And now he saw first hand how much of a disappointment the legendary Luke Skywalker had been to her, how little he cared even when Rey had told him his own sister needed his help. The disappointment at the Cave, and here he could seen a brief shadow of what must have been his image on the other side as he approached it, until suddenly Rey was looking at herself. The first conversation and touching across vast light years as he sat in his quarters and she huddled on her stool.... the fight with Luke when she realised Ben hadn't lied, although Ben could now see that Luke hadn't exactly lied either, just hadn't known what happened after Ben defended himself against what he thought was an attempt on his life..... now a series of fleeting memories from Ben about how he had joined the Knights, and fallen under the tutelage of Snoke, the torture and the "teachings", before he and Rey were on the Supremacy and Snoke was torturing Rey and Ben's desperation and then a cold calculating Kylo planning how to get them out of the situation he'd placed them both in._

_And Oh! It suddenly made sense to Finn that Ben had killed Snoke, his "true enemy" ,to save Rey..... how they had fought back to back together and defeated the Praetorian Guard. The awful words he had said not meaning to be hurtful but unable to properly express his feelings. And then two perspectives of the offer that followed, Kylo's hand versus the hand Rey wanted to take.... Ben's. How Rey couldn't see that he would have done anything she asked, if she had just taken his hand first, but that Rey didn't understand he wasn't ready to embrace the light on his own first. He had needed her to guide him first. Oh how they had both wanted the other, but misunderstanding the others feelings and words._

_The fight over the sabre, the Raddus striking the Supremacy. Ben saw for the first time how Rey had come to and her terror at the thought of him being dead. Her relief that he was merely unconscious as she checked with eyes, fingers, and the Force. She had left him beneath a piece of debris... calculating that it would better sell the story of her having killed everyone else in the room whilst he was knocked senseless, but she made sure his sabre was clipped to his belt and she had pushed back some of the hair from his forehead to better see his face. Her fingers had lingered, and her lips twitched slightly... she had wanted to kiss him but thought better of it, still hurt at his refusal to come in to the light. He had been so vulnerable, she could have easily killed him....._

_Ben could see a few tears fall from Finn's eyes, and the girl watching them who ached to run to Finn but stood back.... she had been warned this might be painful._

_They skipped lightly through the events of Crait, although Ben's fury at Luke and his anger at the sight of the Falcon had leaked trough.... as well as his horror at the realisation that Rey had been on the ship after he had ordered it "blown out of the sky" and his ultimate relief when she was still alive._

_Now Rey showed Finn the awful finality Rey and Kylo had felt when she shut the door to him as the boarding ramp closed on the Falcon. And it had stayed that way for a few months, just the odd occasional sensation of each other's strong emotions, as Rey trained hard and Kylo tried to reject the light again and tried bring the galaxy to order under his rule. How he hunted for her, but not to bring her down, just find her and make sure she was safe.... he wanted to bring order to end the war and leave here with nothing to fight. But then the darkness had called again, in a new but familiar voice, and he had learned Palpatine was alive. At first he wanted to crush the Emperor as a threat to his order, to his rule, to his misguided attempt to bring Rey to him. The battle on Mustafar to find the wayfinder and his little chat with the Oracle._

_And when he learned what the Emperor truly had in mind for Rey, his offer to give Kylo the Final Order if he only brought her to him..... the cold and calculating Kylo had agreed but then immediately made his own plans to protect Rey. He had known the only way to defeat the Emperor was for Rey to face her **grandfather** , but Kylo had no intention of her doing it alone and he had every intention of murdering the evil Sith Lord. Ben's shame that he had planned to drag Rey into the dark with him..... he would have sat on the throne with her at his side, but yet on Pasanna he had seen her strength and that move where she had torn his ship apart with a single Force jump and a blow with her sabre. The lightening from her fingers that had frankly frightened both of them, and her fear that Chewie was killed had been his own too._

_He had faced Chewie on his ship..., and Chewie had let him live...._

_When he had offered her his hand again, and Rey was about to take it, would have taken it if Poe and Finn hadn't arrived on the Falcon to save her_

_The battle of Kef-Bir, when Rey and Kylo had battled each other for the last time and the darkness had taken Rey for a moment in her fury.... he had destroyed the second wayfinder in order to stop her going alone to Exegol. But Rey hadn't understood why he had done it, to try to save her from foolishly facing her grandfather without his help (he had seen her death if she did that). And they had battled so furiously, and Kylo had meant to stop her even if he reluctantly had to hurt her (better an injury that could be healed than dying alone on Exegol) but Rey had seen red and wanted to kill him. And then, Leia reaching out to him and to Rey... he had dropped his own sabre but Rey grabbed it and drove it through his lung. And then the horror she had felt at what she had done. It was a fatal blow, and he had sat there stunned and realising he was taking his last breaths and she was crying and panicking a little. Ben could see in Finn's own mind that Finn had felt Kylo's death in that moment. He was looking at her with forgiving eyes, and he was truly Ben Solo again, and he loved her. She found herself in the Force for a moment, reached out her hand and for a moment he thought she was going to take his. But instead he felt the wound closing up, and a tingle alonge his scarred face. Rey looked mournfully at him, still crying - for Leia who they both knew had just passed, for him and what they should have been to each other, and for what she thought was the dark truth of herself._

_"I **did** want to take your hand...… Ben's hand" she told him. And then she had run away from him, taking his TIE Silencer and fleeing the moon. And the resistance had left, thinking him dead._

_Rey skipped quickly through the next little while - a brief moment on AchTo when Luke's ghost had given her Leia's sabre and told her not to be as foolish as he had been, a few images from Ben's memories of finding an old Imperial TIE scout with a hyperdrive to get him to Exegol, although the ship was so old and decrepit that he'd gotten there more on the Force and damned luck. How Rey had arrived alone first in Luke's old ship after destroying Ren's Silencer, but Ben had not been far behind. She was ready to submit to Palpatine, to save everyone, but thankfully Ben had arrived. He was impatient to get to her, not waiting for the platform, and thrown himself into the pit grabbing a huge chain partway down then sliding down it to the bottom. Arriving with only a blaster against the Knights of Ren.... and Rey realising he was right there, passing him the sabre. Taking care of their respective enemies, finishing off the last of them together and the facing Palpatine. Who had then recognised them as a dyad, and opted to try to kill his own granddaughter and her dyad partner to rejuvenate himself. And then thrown Ben down the crevasse.... but the whole planet was a vergence in the force and the energy of that vergence had been something he had been able to use to stop his fall. He had slammed in the rock wall, breaking his hip and his ribs and probably his ankle for good measure. He had started climbing already, feeling everything Rey felt, and her calling of the Jedi. Rey, for her part, had been too dazed to consciously realise he hadn't been killed. She had finally called the Jedi to her, and knew what she had to do...… and then, Palpatine defeated, Rey had exhausted herself and **died**. After a few moments, Ben had reached the top of the hole Palpatine threw him down, but he knew there was something wrong. Rey's spirit was still there, but her signature in the living force was gone. He didn't know how he managed to get to her, only that it was imperative that he did._

_And he had pulled her into his arms, already she grew cold...… he looked desperately around for someone to help him, the ghost of Luke, or his mother, damn it Anakin bloody Skywalker owed him some help!, but he was alone. He knew what he had to do, he was already prepared as Kylo Ren to die for her, and Ben Solo was no different. Even knowing that it would almost certainly kill him to pour that much of his own life force into her... he did it willingly and without a single regret. Rey remembered her awakening, the kiss of recognition and gratitude and so much more, and that beautiful smile before he collapsed and disappeared._

A few things happened all at once. Finn's eyes opened and he stared directly at Ben, his mouth open in a large "O", Rey's back was to him, but Ben had the distinct impression that Finn could _see_ him. Ben called out to her - _Rey!_ and she slumped forward then slowly toppled over to the side, unconscious. And despite his best effort to shatter the mirror he stood on the wrong side of, to get to Rey, he couldn't. He screamed her name in fear as Finn scooped Rey from the ground, and almost ran with her inside.

He couldn't see or hear anything more from this portal, but in the background he could hear that other one... the one he associated with Palpatine torturing Rey. She was screaming and calling his name, and chanting for the Jedi. But strangely, what he heard didn't quite match what he had just seen in her memories.

Ahsoka had told him he wasn't dead, but reliving all that through Rey's eyes he wasn't entirely sure.


	10. Finn's trial

It was cold and wet, and Rey shivered despite the heavy outerwear Rose had insisted she wear. The climate hadn't been so miserable last time she had been here, but she supposed it was a good half a year since her first visit to the Lothal cave and the seasons had obviously changed. Neither Rose nor Finn seemed to be suffering so much, but Rey realised a lifetime in the desert had acclimated her to a much warmer environment, and it didn't help that she was still unwell.

Rose had remained on the Falcon, but Finn and Rey were walking together to the cave. Although Finn was relatively inexperienced, and as far as Rey had been taught the making of your own sabre was a more advanced skill, the moment they came out of lightspeed Finn had heard the cave calling to him, the song of his own Kyber crystal.

Rey herself could feel the pull of the Cave, muted songs of Kyber that were not for her, and a presence that was _most definitely_ for her. She huffed a little in the cold, and silently encouraged Finn to walk a bit faster. As they walked she reflected n the events of the last month that had brought them to Lothal.

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When Rey had awoken after sharing her meditation with Finn, it had been in the medbay of a Republic hospital ship. She had collapsed, and Finn and Rose had barely been able to find a pulse let alone wake her, calling Poe and Kaydel immediately for help. When she woke Poe had been asleep in a chair next to her, face smooshed into his arms on her bed. There were wires and tubes everywhere, including a rather uncomfortable one in her nose.

"Poe.." she had rasped, but he had just mumbled in his sleep. "Ummm Poe!"

He sat up and looked at her groggily. He suddenly realised what was going on and smiled broadly at her.

" _Kriff_ Rey, we thought you were dead. I've gotta call the doc, and Finn and Rose."

"No wait..." Rey called, but he ignored her.

Poe ran to the door, yelling out of it into the room beyond "hey, hey! She's awake"

Dr Kalonia did not run, but she could walk very briskly when the circumstances called for it and she was brisk now.

"How are you feeling Rey," Dr Kalonia had asked, checking some of the data outputs from the various wires and tubes, and frowning at a few of them.

"Tired. Sore. How long have I been here?"

"You've been asleep for a week! A Kriffing week!" Poe answered for Dr Kalonia, unable to hold back his fury. "I told you to take better care of yourself. What the hell is wrong with you!"

Rey burst into tears, and Kalonia glared at Poe. "Out" was all she said, pointing at the doorway, and he left with a suitably guilt ridden expression on his face.

Dr Kalonia took the same chair Poe had been sitting in, and took Rey's thin hand in her own.

"He's a bit of a fool," Kalonia said comfortingly, "but he's not wrong in that regard. You haven't been taking the best care of yourself Rey. I've never seen you this thin, even when you first joined us. I know someone who is struggling with the mind when I see it, it can be the effects of a severe traumatic experience, and I expect Exegol was not very nice."

Rey said nothing, just closed her eyes to try and stop the flow of her traitorous tears.

"You don't have to tell me anything about it, but if you ever think it would help you can tell me about what happened."

Rey nodded numbly, but didn't say anything.

"You're not trying to die are you Rey?"

"No!" Rey answered definitively, "I couldn't do that to.... It would be wrong after everything he sacrificed."

But despite gentle enquiry, Rey wouldn't give Kalonia anything else.

The doctor explained to Rey what all the tubes and wires were for - feeding, monitoring her vitals, waste elimination. Now that Rey was conscious the medical team would remove the vast majority of her supports, but until Kalonia was happy that Rey was eating enough the feeding tube would remain and Rey was limited to the private medbay she had been allocated. Fortunately, Finn and Rose had gathered her texts, her data chips on Lothal, and some output devices so she could study, but Kalonia was firm on rest and recouperation and _no more sun baked desert for the time being._ Finn and Rose had wandered in about half way through Kalonia's lecture, and Rose had reassured her that the Lar's Homestead was safely taken care of, with Jannah and a few of her fellow ex-stormtroopers acting both caretakers and engineers fitting the reticulation system from the field tank to the house.

"Its a good time to be away" Finn told her.

Dr Kalonia retreated to her office and left Rey with Finn and Rose. Rey looked at her friends and sighed, surprised after all she'd shared with Finn that he was still by her side, and Rose too.

"Don't worry," Rose reassured her, tucking Rey's greasy hair behind her ear and smiling at her. "Finn explained _everything_ to me. Holding all that in would make anyone unwell.... a lesser person probably would have gone crazy."

"I'm not sure Kalonia doesn't think I _am_ crazy," Rey pouted. "I promise I'm not trying to hurt myself, I just.... sometimes I don't see the point of anything Rose. We were supposed to be together forever, a dyad, and its like there's a part of me that's missing since he died."

Finn's eyes narrowed slightly in thought as he looked at Rey, then he looked at Rose who nodded slightly. Rey didn't miss the look.

"What," Rey asked, "spit it out Finn".

"Well... I'm not sure exactly, but I've been reading the texts and thinking about it. And there's a couple things that don't quite sit right."

"Oh?"

"Well, first of all, if you truly died why didn't you disappear into the Force like Ben supposedly did straight away? And why, when I meditated with you, did I see things only Kylo or Ben could have seen? Sure you two probably stole a whole bunch of each others memories the way I can see you interacted, but that clearly and the right context? What if Ben isn't really dead?"

"The where the Kriff is he Finn? He disappeared in front of me and I have seen him since!"

"Exactly Rey! You've seen the ghosts of Luke and Leia, but not Ben who was arguably more important to you. I've seen the ghosts of Luke and Leia, from a distance of course...."

Rey looked at Finn - he was holding something important back she could tell. She frowned at him impatiently.

"All I'm saying is that I know what a ghost looks like.... and for a few seconds before you passed out I thought I saw Kylo, Ben, whatever.... and he didn't look like a damned ghost. I think he's alive somewhere, and I think he's trying to find you."

Rey burst into tears again, but a tiny spark of hope had flared in her chest.

"And I think the Vergence's are the answer. I know you've been obsessed with Lothal, and I think the Temple there was a pretty big vergence from all I've read. And all the data on Lothal we've collected suggests the same. It was a place of trials for Padawans and some weird stuff apparently happened there."

Rose had fetched a basin of cool water and a washcloth and was wiping Rey's face. She smiled kindly at Rey, and then leaned in with a conspiratorial grin.

"Were going to take you to Lothal," Rose whispered, "and if they don't let you out soon I promise we'll break you out!"

"But really Rey," Finn smiled, indicating he was _mostly_ joking, "you had to fall in love with Kylo kriffing Ren?"

And Rey had laughed her first genuine happy laugh in a long time.

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In the end, there wasn't much breaking out required. With hope in her heart once more, Rey had taken an interested in living again rather than just existing, and although her appetite was still pretty poor it was more due to the shrunken nature of her stomach than a genuine lack of interest in food. She steadily gained some weight over the second week in the infirmary, and Kalonia had removed her feeding tube although still wouldn't let her leave what Rey had come to view as a rather nice _prison_. Finn and Rose spent most of their days with her, taking her for longer and longer walks around the floor (Kalonia had consented to her being given free range over this level only), and Finn and Rey meditated. This level had a small gym set aside for rehabilitation, and Rey had finally decided to practice forms with Finn, feeling rusty herself but also knowing Finn was itching for more. And her third week since waking, the fourth since she had almost died again, Kalonia had permitted her free range over the ship. At which point Finn, Rose and Rey promptly fled on the Falcon.

Now Rey was here with Finn, heading back to the cave that had started her on her journey to find Ben, although at the time it had been the start of her nightmares and not this bizarre hopeful quest. As they approached the Cave, Rey remembered her visions when she sought out her kyber, and she raised one arm to stop Finn behind her.

"I'll come shortly," Rey instructed, "but for this part you need to go alone. In there you will find many crystals, but only one is meant for you. You might see some things, visions from the Force. Master Luke told me some people simply find their crystal with no effort, but it's usual to experience some kind of trial. I did."

Finn nodded. "Is there anything I have to do?"

"Just let the Force guide you. My trial started out terrifying, but I saw a truth about myself that ultimately gave me peace - I am not my grandfather's blood but the choices I have made."

Rey sat on a small boulder near the cave entrance, and began to meditate. She could feel a pull to the cave, but for now it was willing to wait for her. Instead, she pointed at the entrance and then wiggled her hand in an obvious _this way_ motion, and Finn slipped down into the cave.

The entrance was dark, but the temperature warmer than the wintery outside and Finn thought the cave probably remained much the same temperature year round. He could hear the singing of kyber, and one voice in particular, far back in the cave and barely discernible over the other crystals as well as the gurgling of the water. Once he had slipped down past the dark opening antechamber, he could see the suffuse light reflected the walls and ceiling and even floors.

He headed in the general direction of the song calling him, but stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a familiar voice.

_"FN2187, submit your blaster for inspection."_

_Phasma was walking towards him, her armour reflecting the light of the kyber and her swagger threatening._

_"You will be sent to reconditioning," she sneered as she raised her baton, "and if you are still found wanting you will face execution"._

_"Why bother with him," Hux said venomously behind him, "when we find a defect we must eliminate it."_

_From Finn's left a dark figure in a mask approached. "FN2187" the distorted voice spoke. Kylo Ren._

_Phasma and Hux looked at Ren, but said nothing and returned to taunting Finn._

_"You're not fit to be a stormtrooper," Phasma spat at him, "you weren't even a good **janitor**."_

_Hux laughed cruelly at her comment._

_"You are a traitor," Hux spat, "you don't even deserve to live."_

_"Yes," said Kylo Ren seemingly indifferently, "a traitor"_

_"Stay out of this Ren," Hux screamed, as Phasma approached Finn and raised her baton to strike him._

_"You could still come back to us, belong to a cause again," Phasma offered_

_"But a traitor to what, FN2187_ _?" Kylo continued, unlocking his mask then removing it._

_"To a fascist cause to which you never truly belonged?" Ben asked him._

_Poe appeared behind Phasma, looking mournfully at him._

_"You only left because the opportunity presented itself," Poe told him. "You were afraid you were a failure, and I was there to pilot a ship, so you ran away in fear and not because of any just cause."_

_Finn gave a half sob, fearing it was true. If Poe hadn't presented himself as a means of escape, would he have tried to leave or stayed?_

_Ben placed a hand on Finn's shoulder, and spoke quietly._

_"Remember what happened an Tuanul," Ben whispered, "You knew it was wrong to fire on the villagers. The Force and your own sense of right and wrong. I was there, remember? You already knew what betrayal of the First Order might cost you, yet you still refused to fire."_

_Ben handed him Kylo Ren's sabre, and Finn swung it at Phasma and Hux. He felt the unstable venting burn his hand, and he fell to his knees as the wraith's of his own trial disappeared around him. Ben smiled at him, then disappeared too. Now the pain in Finn's hand was a gentle throb, …. and when he opened his hand a kyber sat there, energy pulsing like his own heartbeat._

When Finn emerged from the cave, Rey welcomed him with a hug. He looked at her with wide eyes and started to speak, but Rey held up her hand.

"What you saw is for you Finn, not anyone else. You do not need to share it with me."

Finn's eyes were wide, and he was trembling slightly and he grasped her shoulders and looked down into her eyes.

"Rey... what I saw there. I'm convinced Ben is alive."

"What do you mean!"

"He was there Rey. He helped me. At first I thought he was Kylo and trying to get to me too, but he reminded me of something.... and I was able to find my truth."

Rey was perturbed, thinking of her own trial in the same cave. She squared her shoulders, and stepped forwards, but Finn held her back.

"Its okay Finn," Rey reassured him. "I have to go in, something in there is calling to me, maybe even Ben."

She shrugged him off, and stepped into the opening.


	11. Mirror, Mirror

The first few moments in the cave were disorienting. Last time she was here she had a clear heading, a direction to follow from the call of her own kyber. Now, there was the muted song of all the crystals, none of them calling to her directly, and then the pull she had been feeling was now diffuse, as if the entire space was the epicentre and she had no particular way she should follow. But the gurgle of the waterfall and the flowing stream were certainly something she could focus on, and her dreams of the cave usually involved the water.... so she followed the sound until she found it again.

There was nothing specific here..... just the same humming sound and vague pull that was to everything now she was here. So she sat down next to the water and thought about meditating, but not particularly feeling inclined. Instead she traced the water with her fingers, leaning over to look at her reflection and watch the little ripples and eddies in the water he fingers had caused.

As she stared into the water, her face became distorted by her interruption to the current, and suddenly another face was reflected back at her. A honey skinned faced, with white facial marking and blue and white lekku and montrals. Togruta, Rey thought suddenly, as she pulled her fingers back and jumped up. The face smiled at her, then dissipated and instead Rey was now looking at her own reflection again, but this time her imagination had Ben standing next to her.

"Hi," Ben spoke, and Rey screamed jumping back again, turning to the side where she had imagined him.... he was there!

"Hey sorry," Ben soothed, "I didn't mean to frighten you."

Rey felt the first tear start to form.

"Are you really here?"

But she knew as soon as she reached out to touch him that he wasn't really here. More substantial than a vision or ghost, but not quite substantial enough to properly touch. She could almost feel his fingers as they placed their palms to each other, but when she tried to actually grasp his hand her fingers passed through him.

"Sorry sweetheart," Ben mourned, "but this isn't the right place or time. The portal here isn't really accessable."

"Portal? What are you talking about..... if its not accessable how are you even here?"

Ben nodded to the stream and smiled

"The water..... it runs through the old temple right under where the portal should be, and a little bit of the energy seems to flow through it."

Rey pulled her hands away from him and thrust them into the stream.... and sure enough, now she was looking for it she could feel some of the old energy she had always felt that was Ben, his half of their bond. She sobbed in relief and soaked it up, filling her chest with him and feeling more whole than she had been in more than half a year.

"Where are you? Are you alive? Are you a ghost?" Rey wasn't sure which question she wanted him to answer first... or if she really wanted him to answer _any_ of them.

"I honestly don't know," Ben told her truthfully. "I think I'm alive, but maybe this is all a dream in the afterlife. All I know is that in some way we're still tethered to each other. Owww"

He rubbed the back of his head as if he had been struck by something Rey couldn't see, and she could have sworn a female voice swore at him in Huttese.

"Right, of course", he seemed to be talking to someone else for a moment. "I don't know where you have to go next, but I know it needs to be soon."

Rey shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"I know that there's only one place that I can step through. I'm not sure why, maybe its because I was supposed to die but ended up here instead. Exegol is a transportative vergence.... I got sucked somewhere else instead of dying. Anyway, I cant come and go at will like my...friend. There is only one place I've found that feels right, but so far its not the right time and I cant cross through."

"Well that's spectacularly unhelpful Ben. I don't think I have time to visit every vergence in the galaxy!"

Ben chuckled, he'd always enjoyed her fire.

"You don't need to," Ben reassured her. "I don't know where it is, but _you_ do. It's a place you have been before, and I can give you a few clues. Right before we met again on the Supremacy, when we first sat together and promised each other we were not alone?"

Rey remembered the mirror cave on AchTo. 

"I asked the mirror to show me my parents.... but all I saw was a reflection of myself."

Ben reached to skim a ghostly finger across her temple.

"Was there anything else you saw?"

"No..." Rey though for a moment. "Well maybe right before I saw my reflection I saw something larger approaching, but when it reached the mirror it was just me."

"No," Ben smiled, continuing to almost but not quite skim her face. "I think that was actually me. Right place, wrong time."

Rey stepped back, and smiled up at him. He suddenly disappeared again.

"I know where I need to go. I know what I need to do," Rey whispered, and then she ran from the cave.

As she bolted out of the cave entrance, she grabbed Finn's arm and dragged him along with her back towards the Falcon.

"Hey! What the hell happened," Finn panted.

"I think you're right, I think Ben's alive," Rey crowed. "And I know where we need to go next."

************************************************************************************************

Rey felt an immense sense of peace as she guided the Falcon over water towards the rocky spur she and Chewie had used to land the Falcon before. Thankfully the burned our shell of Kylo's Silencer had fallen into the sea and there was room left to land. She punched in the landing sequence as rapidly as she could, turning the craft to get the best angle for disembarking and reminding herself to close the landing ramp against another Porg invasion. She smiled at Chewie, grateful he had agreed to come with them when she had stopped at Kashyyyk to tell him her suspicions about Ben.

The cave was silent, no pull at all, but that was okay for now. Rey was willing to trust in the Force. It had created their dyad, and craved the balance to be returned, and Rey knew she could rely on it when the time came. In the meantime, she would have to face the angry caretakers who hadn't cared much for her destructive appearance last time.

It was the height of summer on the Island, long hot days pleasantly offset by the cool sea breezes, Porgs nesting and running amok. Rey had settled into Luke's old hut, whilst Finn and Rose had taken one further down the hill. There was no hint from the Force that things were about to change, but Rey had taken to visiting the cave every morning trying to get some sort of connection with Ben. But the mirror remained cold and silent, only the faintest thrum of distant residual energy to hint at the it's true nature

After the daily visit to the cave, Rey would climb back up to the village and eat her breakfast with Finn and Rose, before training with the former - sparring, meditating or debating the philosophy of the Jedi and how Rey thought it needed to be different going forward. Rose would visit Chewie in the Falcon, catching up with Poe (who was still miffed at them all for running from the Hospital ship) and Kaydel via holo, and doing various maintenance on the ship. They had endeared themselves to the Caretakers by repairing some of the walls and buildings in the Caretaker's village, but the Lanai still gave Rey a wide berth.

The four of them had been on AchTo for a month when Rose and Chewie indicated they needed to make a run to the Core worlds for supplies. Rey wasn't entirely comfortable being left on the Island without a means of departure, but she supposed Ben wasn't getting here any time soon.... and a part of her wondered if he was getting here at all. She'd slept better, put on some weight, and felt better since Lothal, but the constant waiting was starting to bother her.

So while she continued to wait - for Rose and Chewie to return, for Ben to appear - Rey and Finn trained in earnest. She was surprised at his quick grasp of sabre skills, and encouraged him to start building his lightsabre with the box full of spare parts she had hauled from the Falcon before Rose and Chewie left, and with his Khyber crystal. 

But every day was the same. A vigil at the mirror each morning that came to naught, and long afternoons training or meditating, before falling in to bed exhausted and frustrated at the lack of any progress. Rey worried that she and Ben had made some error, and this wasn't the place she was supposed to find him.... that they would never be together again.

And her fears just multiplied. She knew that she and Ben were a dyad, that they were _meant_ to be bonded together in the Force. But did that mean that _feelings_ were supposed to be involved. What did she really feel for him? Sure, he was a part of her that should always be there, she was in pain without him, but did she love him? _Yes_ , she answered herself truthfully, _but does that mean he loves **you**_? Rey wasn't sure Kylo Ren had loved her, or if he had just wanted her by his side because of the power of their bond. Sure, Ben was trapped inside Kylo, but when Kylo died and Ben was reborn, did _Ben_ want her for herself or was she just a connection he was stuck with? But then he had _saved_ her, so surely he felt _something_ \- right?

Rey was driving herself crazy, and Finn had to point out to her that all her brooding was leading to her forgetting important things again - like eating and drinking water. Suitably chastised, Rey made sure to eat the allocated calories calculated by the med droid Finn had insisted on stealing from the Infirmary ship, and drinking regularly.

Finn supposed he and Rey had been alone on the island for about four days, when he was interrupted from meditating over his Kyber by a strange thrumming sensation in the Force. He knew Rey had felt it too, because whilst she had been pretending to meditate nearby he could sense she was simply brooding again, but had suddenly stilled and reached out, and past him. A summer storm was brewing, dark and cold and then Finn _felt it_. A disturbance in the Force, a darkness that called to him and clearly sang to Rey. He watched her scramble to her feet, double checking her sabre was clipped to her belt, and then heading off to the Skywalker hut. He stood up, uncertain, until he saw her remerge with a poncho over her shoulder. Somehow, he knew he had to follow her.

************************************************************************************************

Finn had never been to the cave before. Rey had always gone alone, always heading off looking hopeful, and always coming back looking devastated. He felt a pull, a darkness, as they stood on the edge of the dark hole that was the entrance to the cave. It was raining now, crackles of lightening and sudden booms of thunder that seemed to shake the very air around them. It seemed an appropriate omen.

"The first time I fell in," Rey admitted, "Pulled in really. But reach out with the Force, sense where you are going, and you will find your footing." 

She jumped, using the Force to guide her, and disappeared into the void. Finn tried, really he did, but he'd never been there before and wasn't sure how to navigate such a dark place with his mind.... so of course he landed in knee deep water. Rey grinned at him - she was impressed considering her first trek into this Cave had ended up with her fully submerged and fighting to find the surface of the water.

Finn could practically feel his heart palpitating, in time with the thrumming he felt through the Force. He saw the mirror, or rather what looked like a block of cloudy ice stretching the full length of one wall. He stood back, at the edge of the water, whilst Rey stepped forward. As Rey approached the mirror surface, Finn noted the surface began to clear and Rey's image was reflected. He also thought he saw a shadowy figure approaching from the other side.

"Show me Ben," Rey begged, her fingers spread across the mirror against the shadow on the other side.

The mirror cleared slightly, and Finn could see Reys spread fingers were touching the mirror at the same point the shadow figure cleared and also spread its fingers....

"Ben please be there." Rey touched her forehead to the mirror. " _Please_."

A loud ringing in their ears, and then just as clearly as Rey could hear it, Finn also heard the voice in his head.

 _Rey! Rey!_ It was joyful and desperate at the same time.

"Ben!"

The mirror cleared some more first at the point where Rey's forehead was pressed against it, and Finn could clearly see the forehead of a dark haired individual.

Now both Rey and the shadow figure pressed their hands towards each other, and the mirror cleared all around the shadow and Rey. Finn could clearly see the image of Kylo Ren... no this was Ben Solo, and dressed in Padawan robes not unlike his own.

Rey breathed slowly and deeply, and smiled at the figure. 

_Rey! I can't come through... I'm trying.... I don't understand. This is the place, it has to be the right place._

But this was a place steeped in the dark side of the Force, and Rey realised this sort of place would require a sacrifice on her part. Something had to be given, in order to take.

"It's alright Ben... I think I know what to do."

Rey closed her eyes and Finn could feel her reaching out for all the energy in the Force she could gather together, and then a pulsing throbbing sound that he realised was Rey's own heartbeat as she also drew from the lifeforce within her.

_No! No! Don't do that!_

But Rey kept her eyes closed, and pushed into the mirror with all the energy she had gathered into herself and of herself. Finn could see the mirror wavering at their pressed together hands, as if the mirror was no longer solid but a strange state of liquid matter that defied gravity. He could see Reys fingers reaching through the surface, curling around Ben's and grasping his hands tightly. Finn could see Ben yelling at her, begging her not to do this....

_Finn! Stop her Finn! She'll kill herself. Rey! I'm not worth it!_

But Finn couldn't move - Rey had rooted him to the spot with the Force and he could only shake his head at Ben sorrowfully.

Now the mirror seemed to shimmer around Ben and Rey, and Finn could see she was pulling on him, pulling him through the strange not quite water of the mirror. Rey smiled, eyes still closed, and stepped back a few paces, pulling Ben through with her.

The stood for a moment, hands still locked together, palms outward. And Rey breathed in deeply, and tiredly. And then Rey wobbled a little on her feet, and Ben had to grab her in his arms to stop her toppling to the floor as she passed out. Ben dropped to his knees, cradling Rey gently against his chest.

Finn realised, at the moment Rey passed out, that her grip on him in the Force has subsided. He raced toward Rey and Ben, and was suddenly drawn into Ben's grief and despair. 

"Why did you do that," Ben was admonishing the unconscious Rey. "Why risk your life for me?"

Finn had never seen Kylo Ren express any emotion other than anger, or a flavour of the same such as rage. But here was the former fearsome enforcer, the former Supreme Leader, holding Rey to his chest and actually _crying._

"You silly fool. Why? You can't die again Rey. You can't leave me!"

Ben was rocking her to himself. Finn closed his eyes for a moment, and realised he could still feel Rey. He knelt in front of both of them, and grabbed Rey's shoulder forcing Ben to still for a moment and look at him.

"Hey man... its okay. Cant you feel her? She's still here".

Ben nodded, but was still sobbing.

"I know.. Finn, right? I know. But she took such a huge risk, she could have died."

Finn shook his head. Ben had it bad, that was for sure. 

Rey was breathing regularly, and Finn motioned Ben to lay her flat so they could examine her. Her pulse was a little thready, but regular, and her Force energy was subdued, but present.

"I think.... I think she's just exhausted Ben. She hasn't been well recently, only really started to get better, and that felt like it took a _lot_ of energy."

Ben nodded, and took a deep breath, shuddering slightly. He looked around the dark and cold cave, and nodded decisively. He pulled off the cloak that formed part of his Padawan robe, and wrapped Rey up in it. She didn't actually awaken, but she did seem to take a deeper breath as Ben picked her up again in his arms.

"Right," Ben began, looking for a way out, "lets get her out of here and somewhere warm."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK YOU JJ AND KK  
> I might not be a legendary author, but I FIXED YOUR SHIT. Youre welcome.


	12. A new beginning

There were really only two ways out of the cave that Ben could see. Up through that hole in the ceiling, the way Rey and Finn had entered.... or out through the crack in the wall and out to sea. 

Neither option seemed particularly attractive - dragging Rey through freezing water, or throwing her up and out. Of course, he could use the Force (assuming he still had any connection to it) and make it less of a "throwing" and more of a "floating" up to Finn, but he really didn't want to do that either. He was tired, and afraid he'd drop her.

So the low rumble of an approaching vessel - the _Millenium Falcon_ he realised - gave him a potentially more attractive option.

"Who's on the Falcon", Benn asked Finn.

"Should be Chewie and Rose," Finn answered, closing his eyes and reaching out. "Yup, just Chewie and Rose."

Ben swallowed hard - despite releasing Chewie on the _Steadfast_ and Chewie not ripping him apart, he was pretty sure there was some bad blood he still had to answer for with the Wookie. But he also knew Chewie would help Rey at any cost, and rip him apart later.

"Go to the Falcon and bring back Chewie, some ropes and something to carry her. We can get her out that way."

Ben hadn't put Rey down again, since he wrapped her in his outer robe and pulled her into his arms, but he sagged down on to the floor now and held her in his arms. Finn wasn't too keen to be following the "orders" of one of his former First Order nemeses, but given the situation and the fact that Ben was clearly not going to be separated from Rey (and Finn was damned certain he wouldn't harm her), he nodded in agreement and headed off. The cave belied the fact that there was actually a ledge about a foot underwater all the way along the walls to the hole in the roof, and Finn made his way along them until he could jump out, using the Force to aid him. Ben heard Finn swear as he landed - clearly he needed to refine his technique - but he sensed the former trooper hadn't given himself any major injury.

He slumped against the wall with Rey in his arms, and ran the forefinger of one hand along Rey's cheek. She was breathing much deeper now, and Ben's initial panic that she was once more at the edge of death had subsided, but he was still worried. The last time he had held her like this she had died..... and then he had disappeared after giving her his own life force.

He still wasn't entirely sure he hadn't died, despite what Ahsoka has said. It sure enough felt like death at the time, but he had woken up in that place... and Ahsoka had clearly healed him without dying herself. From his own experience he was pretty sure you cant heal a dead person without some serious effect on your own health, so.....

Ben sighed, pulling Rey closer to him and closed his eyes. Now that they were together again he felt whole, like the other half of his soul had been returned to him. It didn't matter if she didn't love him back, he would follow her anywhere and do whatever she asked of him because she was the better part of his soul and the light he needed to smother his own darkness.

************************************************************************************************

Ben was startled awake by the roaring of a worried Wookie. His own Shyriwook was a little rusty, but he got the basic gist of what Chewie wanted. He still half lay against the wall, Rey in his arms, and yelled back up to answer Chewie.

"Yes Chewie, I'm still alive. Rey's alive....."

He looked down at the woman in his arms, and was surprised to see was awake. Pale, tired looking, but awake and smiling up at him.

"Hi," Rey smiled shyly. Ben looked at her in wonder, and smiled back at her.

"Hi."

Chewie roared back, seemingly not unhappy at the ongoing presence of Ben Solo in the galaxy. He let Ben know Finn and Rose were both coming down to help get Rey to safety, and soon they were being lowered on ropes down to the waters edge, where Finn then swung them against the wall and onto the hidden ledge below. Rose and Finn both carried backpacks, and made their way cautiously around to the floor in front of the mirror.

Rose handed her backpack to Finn, and murmured something to him that Ben was certain were instructions, before pulling a small item from the backpack. She approached Ben and Rey, still slumped together, and knelt down on Ben's left side where Rey's head was cradled against his shoulder, her legs across his lap. Ben could clearly see the item in her hands was a small medkit.

"Hi, I'm Rose by the way. Can I have a look at her?"

Ben nodded to her, and gently rolled Rey into the crook of his elbow, where Rey smiled sleepily up at Ben. Rose pulled a small device from the pack that quickly scanned Rey, then she placed it against the pad of Reys thumb where it took a small blood sample. Rey frowned in pain, but let Rose fuss over her

"Nothing too serious I think," Rose reassured Ben, "a few electrolytes are a bit low, but nothing dangerous. I think she's just exhausted."

Rose noted Ben pulled Rey back against his shoulder, cradling her to him despite her improved state, as if he was frightened it was all a dream

"So you're Kylo kriffing Ren I take it," Rose teased.

" _Ben Solo_ ," Rey corrected her, muffled in Ben's shoulder.

"Okay Rey," Rose laughed, holding out a hand to each of them, "time to get you out of here."

They took the hidden path back around the edge of the cave. There wasn't enough room for Ben to carry her in his arms, but she gratefully allowed him to guide her steps, one hand on her back and the other on her shoulder to catch her should she stumble. Once they made it to the gap in the ceiling Rey could see Chewie's form peering down at her. Chewie roared his relief, but left conversation for later, quickly throwing down the rope again for Ben to catch it. He tied a loop under her armpits, testing it wasn't too tight or too loose, and nodded when he was satisfied. Rey's eyes were dark and fearful, and her small hands clutched at his.

"Stay with me."

Ben nodded, and motioned to Chewie to throw down the second rope. As Chewie began slowly hauling her up, Ben pulled himself up the rope, careful to keep his eyes mostly on her, until finally she was close enough to the edge that Chewie could reach down a furry arm to grab her and pull her up and out of the hole. A moment later Chewie reached down and grabbed Ben as well, and then Ben and Rey were facing each other again. Ben gently lowered her to a sitting position, rubbing her shoulders comfortingly

"I'll be right back," Ben promised, "I've just got to help Chewie get your friends out."

Ben and Chewie threw both the ropes down again to Finn and Rose, who tied the ropes off around themselves. Ben and Chewie pulled, hauling Rose and Finn respectively. The moment Ben had Rose over the lip of the hole, Chewie grabbed her with one arm and hauled her the rest of the way out, shouting to Ben to go to Rey whilst he finished hauling Finn up. Ben didn't need to be told twice.

He knelt down next to Rey, and to his relief she still had her eyes open,

"Hi", Rey murmured.

"Care to explain that foolishness?"

"I couldn't leave you Ben," Rey apologised. 

He frowned, pushing a loose curl behind her ear.

"You shouldn't take such risks on my behalf. You'll only get yourself killed. _Again_."

Rey burst into tears, and Ben felt a surge of guilt. He pulled her to her feet, and to him, and Rey wrapped her arms around his broad frame, sniffing and coughing her tears. Ben could only find it endearing, although if anyone else had rubbed their snotty face into his shirt he would have gladly gone full Kylo Ren on them.

The remainder of the group stood apart for a few moments until Rey had pulled herself together, and then headed for the steep path away from outcrop that held the cave. As they stepped onto the path itself, lightning, quickly chased by thunder, crackled and the heavens opened up again

************************************************************************************************

They were drenched by the time they reached the huts, and despite the relative warmth of the evening both Rey and Ben were shivering. Finn and Rose escaped into their own hut, and Chewie pushed open the door of Rey's hut - the one that had once been Luke Skywalker's. Ben pulled her into the room, setting her down on the stool in front of the fireplace, and began to feed the flames with the small pieces of wood and chunks of peat Rey had stored there.

"You're freezing Rey," Ben noted as he heard her teeth chattering.

Chewie moaned something about hypothermia and getting Rey to the _Falcon_.

"Not, you go Chewie," Ben decided, "It's too far and too wet to take her any further. I'll get her settled here. Thanks for the offer of the bunk, but I think I'd better keep an eye on her."

Chewie pulled Rey into a tight, warm embrace, then moaned a goodbye and left.

"Come here". He motioned her off the stool. "I need to get you warm."

Ben pulled her up and began stripping her of her wet clothes. Rey just looked at him with dark eyes, teeth chattering and sighing exhaustedly.

"You're soaked too," she pointed out after a minute.

"Yeah... look the fastest way to get you warm is to get all these wet things off.... and get you under some warmth. Do you trust me?"

 _Warm,_ Rey though as she reached out and stroked his bicep. Ben frowned, hearing her, but she wasn't thinking about anything other than finding a source of heat. She was almost unconscious again from sheer exhaustion and the beginnings of hypothermia, and Ben knew the fastest way to get her warm was to just use his own body heat. He pulled her bed pallet closer to the fire, finished pulling them free of all but their underwear, and lay her down on the bed, wrapping his body around her and the blankets over them. Rey's teeth gradually stopped chattering, and soon her breathing settled into the soft regulars puffs of sleep. Ben too soon followed her into slumber.

************************************************************************************************

When Rey finally awoke the light in the room suggested it was closer to noon than dawn, and she was unbearably hot. There were multiple thick blankets, her bed was close to the fire that still burnt hot in the fireplace, and she was curled up into a tight ball. As she stretched her limbs she also became aware of her state of almost complete undress, and suddenly remembered Ben stripping her off of all her wet clothes, laying with her and sharing his body heat. A strange heat spread through her lower belly thinking about it, but she had no illusions about what Ben had done. Basic survival training had taught her the benefits of sharing body heat..... although Rey let herself a small moment of fantasy that it had been something more intimate.

She sat up suddenly. Where was Ben? She was alone in the room. Had he left her? Had he become one with the force again? Rey began to panic, her breath coming faster and a dreadful tightness creeping across her chest. She couldn't breath.... her lungs wouldn't function, and a choked half scream-half sob escaped from her as she collapsed on her bed pallet, rolling onto her side, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

_He's gone. He's gone. He's gone._

Dimly, Rey heard the door to her hut crash open and a heavy body sink into the pallet, scooping her up and holding her tight to a warm chest in a fierce embrace. At first, she though it was Finn, or maybe Poe had come from somewhere last night?.

"Rey, Rey, Rey." Soothing warmth to that deep voice, tight arms engulfing her.

 _It's alright Rey. Breathe Rey. It's over._ A voice in her head, so familiar...

Rey managed to suck in a proper breath, and then she could feel the other side of her bond. It wasn't _empty_....

"Ben?" She opened her eyes and craned her head upwards

He was looking at her with worried eyes, kneeling in front of her on the pallet and holding her so _comfortingly_ close.

"What happened? I could feel your panic through the bond"

"I thought you were gone... or it was all a dream.... I though I was alone again." Rey was on the verge of tears, and then suddenly became cross with herself. _Since when have I been such a mess? I grew up on Jakku, and tears are a waste of water...._ She pushed Ben away from her slightly, although she held on to his arms so he couldn't actually leave.

"If I'd been such a mess on Jakku I wouldn't have survived", Rey declared. "Sorry."

Ben shook his head as if to disagree with her.

"The last few years haven't exactly been easy.... and I've been seeing how you've suffered Rey. A dyad isn't supposed to be separated like that."

"I'm so glad you're here." She smiled up at him.

Ben smiled that big toothy smile that had so melted her heart on Exogol, and then began to flush a deep crimson colour. Even the tips of his ears were pink.

"Ah... maybe you should get dressed Rey. I'll be outside waiting."

As Ben suddenly jumped up and practically ran out of the room, Rey looked down at herself. She was still in her breast band and underwear. _Only_ her breast band and underwear.

_Oh......_

Ten minutes later Rey emerged from the hut dresses in her customary tunic, leggings and boots to find Rose, Finn and Ben sitting on the rock wall waiting for her. Ben was still a slightly pink shade, but Rose and Finn were thankfully silent on the matter Rose grabbed Rey by the elbow and brought her over to the wall where a large bowl and a mug of something fragrant and steaming were ready for her. Rose directed her to sit on an empty crate that they had brought up from the Falcon that morning.

"Ben cooked," Rose informed Rey. "It's really quite delicious. He said you'd be starving."

Ben's face flushed a slightly darker crimson, as Rey looked questioningly at him. She took the mug - a fragrant tea she recognised as one the Lanai had previously given her, and the bowl which was a spicy fish stew with chunks of seaweed and some vegetables that again looked vaguely familiar

"The Caretakers provided most of the ingredients," Ben informed her.

Finn snorted. "After Ben provided them with the fish".

Rey could see Ben's memory... he had followed the trail Luke had taken most mornings, swinging out over the gap between the island and the small rocky neighbour where Luke had usually fished. Finn had followed him and watched as Ben had speared a couple of the enormous fish, tossing them to Finn. Offering most of his catch to the Lanai, he had bartered with the headwoman who had given him the vegetables, the herbs and dried seaweed and the tea which... Ben had asked them for her _favourite._ Climbing back up the hill to cook over the central fire, and though the conversation had at first been stilted with Finn it had been so easy with Rose who was kind to everyone, even the man who had once lead the First Order. Finn had eventually felt comfortable enough to ask him a few questions about the Force. They certainly were not friends yet, but Ben had felt like they might one day be and had taken simple joy in her friends... her family.

"It's good isn't it," Rose asked her, pointing to the empty bowl which Rey didn't even realise she had finished already.

Rey nodded dumbly, and passed the bowl to Rose on request. She sipped her tea and stared at Ben, who just stared straight back at her. Rey wondered what he was thinking, but didn't press him through the bond for an answer. She supposed that now he was free of the darkness, free of her... _grandfather..._ he would want to find his way in the galaxy. Probably alone, since it was her tainted bloodline that had destroyed his childhood, his light, and taken everything from him. How could he want to be with her when she was the product of his downfall, his misery?

Ben, for his part, was lost in the wonder of Rey. He had known for a long time now she was the light against the darkness, that she had saved him, and that he loved her. Ben knew what he was, a shell of a man who had once been full of the dark side. Although his own crimes were bad enough, he had also stood by whilst Snoke and Hux had snuffed out the lives of billions through Starkiller. He'd killed his own father, and as much as deep down inside his true self had cried out against it, he had still done it. He had kidnapped and tortured Rey, belittled her and hunted her across the galaxy. Though he would follow her the rest of his life and try to make amends, he had no hope that she would return his affection. For she had said it herself - he was a monster, and who could love a monster?

There was an uneasy silence as Rey finished her tea. Nobody seemed to know just what to do, and Ben eventually broke the silence by mentioning he would take some of the stew down to Chewie. Finn had offered to help him, but Ben had declined, mentioning he and Chewie were overdue for a "long talk". Ben picked up the large pot of stew and started down the hill towards the landing area. Rose and Finn headed off for a walk, hand in hand and obviously wanting some time to themselves, so Rey found herself alone by the wall. She could feel her connection to Ben, reassuring her she wasn't alone, but she sat chewing on her lip and debating what to do now.

Rey hadn't really thought about what came next when she had realised Ben was still alive, nor when she would find him. A half fantasy of Ben really was all she had, that he would be physically there and that the pain of his loss would be over... but now there was a new pain. She returned to her brooding on Ben's probable desire to be free of her connection with Palpatine, that he would leave her behind and find his own place. It hurt her to think he would not be with her, although she drew some comfort from the fact that he was _alive_ , and that their bond remained. She might be alone in fact, but not in spirit as long as Ben was alive.

************************************************************************************************

"Chewie?"

Ben had set the pot of stew down at the base of the ramp, and prepared to face the Wookie. He knew that he had caused Chewie an unending amount of grief, and the pot of stew was an inadequate peace offering. As the Supreme Leader he had tried to make some small penance for his guilt, ensuring the freedom of the Wookies on Kashyyyk would continue, but Ben wasn't going to use that as his apology to Chewie either. The Wookie hadn't killed him after Pasanna, when Ben had freed him and allowed him to escape, but Ben fully expected a painful reckoning. 

Chewie had offered him a bunk on the Falcon last night, so maybe he didn't want to kill him... or maybe the offer had been made so that Chewie had a private place to rip Ben's arms off.

The Wookie in question moaned a greeting, and stood at the top of the ramp to stare down at the son of his best friend and the Princess he had been so close to. There was no sign of impending violence, rather a mournful acceptance that his friends were gone. There was no anger, no hatred... just sadness.

"Fish stew," Ben pointed at the pot when Chewie asked why he was there. "I though you might be hungry"

A questioning moan. _Who made it?_

"I made it for Rey... for everyone really."

 _As long as the trooper didn't cook,_ Chewie snorted.

He came down the ramp to stand in front of him and eyed Ben for a moment.

 _You love her don't you,_ Chewie questioned.

Ben ducked his head and stared at the ground. Chewie's furry paw gently raised his chin and they were looking eye to eye.

_You deserve to be happy. Much bad you did, but much bad was done to you. Doesn't excuse it, but...._

"I was a monster Chewie. She said it herself. A monster doesn't deserve to loved."

Chewie picked up the pot, and started up the ramp

_Everyone deserves to loved little cub._

He scuffed his feet in the dirt for a moment, watching Chewie retreat into the Falcon, then Ben sighed and set up the path back to the huts.

************************************************************************************************

In the end, Ben found himself sitting on the grass with Rose watching Finn and Rey practice the first steps of saber forms. He had noted at Kef-Bir that Rey had picked up most of the various forms since they had last seen each other on the Supremacy, although her form at the time had been sloppy - probably due to her fury. Likely his mother had taught Rey. But she wasn't a comfortable teacher yet, and seemed filled with self doubt that she was demonstrating correctly. Ben thought her forms looked fine, very correct technically, but Rey kept looking over to him as though she wanted him to say something. He remained silent, not wanting to interrupt a Master teaching her Padawan, but eventually Rey grew frustrated and called him over. They were using sticks rather than sabres, but Ben had noted that Rey had weighted the sticks so that most of the weight was in the hilt - appropriate, reflecting the balance of a real sabre.

"Can you take a look please," Rey asked him as she positioned Finn in the opening stance of Shi-Cho. 

It was the simplest, and first of the forms, but it belied a raw power in the hands of an experienced wielder. Finn's stance had looked correct from Ben's seat on the grass next to Rose, but up close he noted there was a tenseness to Finn that was all wrong. He needed to be looser, more relaxed, so that he could respond quickly and switch rapidly to another form depending on his opponent's moves.

"Feet are in the right place," Ben noted, "arms look right. But you're going to lose on the first strike."

Finn looked questioningly.

"Can I demonstrate?" Ben asked. 

Finn nodded warily, and Ben took Rey's stick. He held it loosely in his right hand, swiping it a few times to get the feel of it then nodded once at Finn. Ben rushed toward him with a massive overhead strike. Finn lifted his stick to try to defend himself, to find he was disarmed with a large _Crack!_ sending his stick flying sideways and a stinging in his hands as they absorbed the blow. He stared open mouthed at Ben.

"You're too tense," Ben told him, "and holding that stick too tightly. A sabre is an extension of yourself and your movements flow through you from the Force. You need to be relaxed, think less about what you see and more about what you feel...."

"I _feel_ like you tried to break my hand," Finn muttered, but his smile indicated there were no hard feelings.

Ben looked to Rey, who nodded her agreement, and then a question.... _perhaps we should show them?_ Ben grinned at her, and pointed to Finn's stick. She picked it up, twirling it across her wrist with thumb and forefinger, thinking for a moment about the last time they had fought each other and how it had ended. She doubted she was going to impale him on a blunted stick, but would be lying if she said she was completely comfortable either. Still, it had been her suggestion, so she might as well get a grip on her fears.

They bowed, then slowly circled each taking their measure of the other. Ben had always been the taller, more powerful weilder, but Rey was faster and lighter on her feet. Every time they had fought each other Rey had beaten him, but she knew he had been injured on Starkiller, and he'd had the upper hand until he became distracted on Kef-Bir. Rey wasn't sure who would win. She suddenly rushed at him, and Ben had to sidestep swiftly to avoid a heavy blow to his left shoulder. He spun around and countered Rey's next strike, a right hand slash toward his left hip, with an upward slash that forced her back a step but did not loosen her grip on the stick. The feral grin warned him she was up to something, and her next blow was at the end of a large leap and a twist that sent her up above his head in a similar move to that which had taken out his _Whisper_ on Pasanna, although this time he narrowly avoided contact by crouching and rolling beneath her to avoid the blow.

"Impressive," Ben approved, "although not quite as effective as last time."

They continue to slash and parry at each other in a fast twirling dance, and Finn and Rose could only watch in awe from their seat on the grass, mouths agape. Ben and Rey were each calling on the Force to guide their movements, but the connection of their bond added an additional nuance to their style. They continued in this fashion for a good twenty minutes or so, until Rey grew tired and responded too slowly, Ben almost making contact with her legs. He grabbed her shoulder as she tried to spin away, pulling her back into his chest and placing his left arm around hers to hold her in place, the stick in his right hand forcing hers down.

"Yield," Ben growled softly, "and live to fight another day Master Jedi."

Rose and Finn applauded, as Rey dropped her stick. To Rey, it seemed Ben pulled her in tighter for a moment, before relaxing his grip so she could step out of his hold. She was hot, sweaty, and slightly breathless, but grinning. 

"You finally beat me."


	13. Unsettled

Ben took the hut across from Rey's, and set up his bed pallet with pillows and blankets that had arrived with Chewie and Rose on the _Falcon_ the day he had returned. He would have liked to have stayed close to Rey again, but the night before had been a necessity for her survival and now he figured she needed her space after having him in her head all the time again - even if just a muted presence. They had always been aware of each other when in close proximity, and even to some extent with several star systems between them. But the sense of being in each other's personal space was stronger with proximity, and Ben was well aware of what he was. _Darkness_ _personified. The monster who terrorised the galaxy at the behest of Snoke, and the stuff of nightmares_. He kept these thoughts themselves from poisoning Rey by keeping up a barrier around them, a place Rey wasn't exposed to, but at this distance neither could keep the other out entirely.

Rey had given him a large basin for heating water over his fire, and brought him some clothes (also collected by Chewie and Rose in anticipation of his return). Ben decided he could take a proper wash in the ocean tomorrow, and settled for a quick sponge to get the worst of the days sweat and dirt off him. He gladly discarded the Padawan robes, and noted Rey had provided him with a pair of long soft sleep pants as well as some clothes and boots for the morning. 

Rey hadn't looked entirely happy as he settled in to his hut, a frown on her face as she watched him arrange his bedding and a few toiletries Finn had rummaged around in the hold of the Falcon to find. He had wondered to himself - a little too loudly as Rey had heard it through the bond - if she wanted him to join Chewie on the _Falcon_ or take a hut further away. Rey had emphatically told him not to go anywhere, but Ben was convinced the sleeping arrangements were not entirely satisfactory to Rey although he had no idea why. 

In the end, she had yawned tiredly and bid him goodnight, heading across the path to her own hut and closing the door firmly behind her, and after staring for a long moment at the space she had occupied Ben had sighed loudly and set about cleaning up and preparing for bed.

************************************************************************************************

Rey had thought the nightmares would be gone once Ben had returned. And true, that first night when she slept in his arms she had slept a long and dreamless sleep.

_A dark shadow was creeping across a corner of the galaxy, in the unknown regions, slowly blotting out suns as it progressed. It consumed everything before it, until it reached the dark throb of evil that was Exegol. It crept along the floor of the pit, lingering where Palpatine had been disintegrated, sniffing along the floor until it found a spot of dried blood where Rey had fallen, and another where Ben had sat and brought her back to life. It swirled around the remnants of their deaths, blood spilled to defend the galaxy, and then began to take form. A dark, shadowy figure, beneath dark robes and with red, inhuman eyes. It had the scent of the Dyad now, and the hunt was on._

Rey jerked awake, for a moment thinking she was on the floor in Exogol and Ben was gone. She could feel a rising panic, breathing rapidly before she realised she was in her bed on Ach-To. Across the bond she could feel Ben, still asleep although stirring a little as he felt her distress. She forced herself to breath slowly, trying to let the Force in and settle her emotions. Rolling to her side, Rey stared at the fire for a long while, before finally drifting back off to sleep.

Ben half woke for a few moments, something to do with Rey.... he sleepily stretched out with the bond, feeling for her. She was asleep, although it seemed light, and he rolled over in his blanket and drifted back off.

_He was climbing, climbing up out of that forsaken hole, trying to reach Rey. Something had gone wrong, whilst he had been clinging on to the outcropping of rock he had slammed into. He had been knocked unconscious, but he had the idea it was only briefly. As he had felt Rey calling on the Jedi past and seen the light show that was her battle with Palpatine he had started to climb. But it had become quiet... too quiet, and then he had begun to panic as he realised he could no longer feel her across their bond._

_The climb was utter torture. He'd broken bones and torn ligaments, but he pushed himself to rise up and find her. As his hand finally reached the top, he hauled himself over the edge and looked towards where he knew her body should lay. But something was wrong._

_It was dark, and cold.... and true it had been dark and cold in that place the whole time, but the feeling was one of a space that had been empty for a long time. There was no body. He fell, and crawled slowly to where she **should** be. Nothing. No that wasn't true.... the stone where they both had fallen was stained with their blood. A cold, dark fog swirled at the edge of the precipice he had just climbed, and Ben felt a sense of dread. The fog slowly formed into a dark figure, cloaked in black with thin clawed finger that dripped blood and dark red inhuman eyes. It looked at him, and Ben felt its malevolence._

_The voice was a long, sibilant whisper. "So, the long awaited Dyad has come."_

_The figure cackled as it dissolved into fog again, and rushed towards him, consuming him, suffocating him._

Ben awoke with a sudden start, leaping to his feet and wishing he had a lightsabre to call to him. Across the bond he could feel Rey, asleep but restless in response to his own emotions. He forced himself to breathe slowly, allowing all tension to be released from his muscles, and felt Rey's breathing relax in turn. He noted through the small window that the night sky had begun to lighten ever so slightly, dawn was still a way off but more than two decades of insomnia told Ben Solo he was not going back to sleep. Instead, he gathered together the clothes Rey had set aside for him, the toiletries Finn had provided, and slipped into new boots that were a surprisingly good fit. Grabbing a rough towel as his last item, Ben set out for the shallow pool Rose had pointed out yesterday, which was usually warmed by the sun during low tide, but would doubtless be cold at this hour.

************************************************************************************************

When dawn came, Rey had been woken by another dream, although this one less of a nightmare and more of a bizarre attempt by her brain to process the events of the last few days. She vaguely recalled something about Porgs and Ben, being chased by the Caretakers who constantly expressed their disapproval of her whilst they clapped and cheered every time Ben appeared. And then, something about kissing him... practically _melting_ into him. Lying on a blanket on the grassy slope near the bathing pool, her head lying in his lap as he sat reading whilst she watched Finn and Rose swimming in the pool.

She was cranky and out of sorts however, her thoughts pulled toward the earlier dream and her feelings muddled as she worried over how she felt for Ben. A bath sounded like an excellent idea.

As she reached the final bend on the path towards the bathing pool, she ran into Ben who was headed back. He had his dirty clothes and toiletries wrapped up in the towel, twisted to form a sack and slung over his left shoulder. His hair was damp, and his white shirt open with the black vest unbuttoned, and Rey was struck with the memory of one of their first force connections, when she had seen him without his shirt on and found herself.... distracted.

"Oh." Rey felt she was distracted again. She felt a slow heat rising on her face, and another deep in her belly.

"You okay Rey?"

"Great" she squeaked. "Fine. No worries. Just going to have a wash."

"Oh. Well the water is a bit cold..."

She raced off around the corner towards the pool, refusing to look at him. Ben stared open mouthed at her retreating figure, wondering what he'd done wrong now.

********************************************************************************************************

Finn and Ben had prepared breakfast, working initially in a surprisingly companionable silence as Finn fetched the items Ben asked for from the storage hut near the firepit and Ben prepared a savoury grain broth. He wasn't sure why he had decided on this particular dish, but he noticed Finn staring as he prepared it, and he looked questioningly at the former stormtrooper. _What is it?_

"Oh, it's just that I didn't realise you liked that. It's Rey's favourite breakfast dish."

Ben absorbed that, though about it for a moment, and sighed.

"I guess I was thinking about her when I was deciding what to make. Probably got it from our... connection."

Finn nodded slowly, and added some caf grains to a pot of hot water. He looked at Ben, who was absently stirring the broth, and staring down the path towards the hut Rose and Rey were currently occupying. Rose had seen Rey stalking up the hill after her bath, and pulled her into the hut pushing Finn _out_ at the same time. Ben had been watching from his own doorway, feeling the impending doom of an unhappy Rey, but locked out of the bond he was unable to determine _why_.

"I don't know what I've done to upset her," Ben admitted to Finn, "before, when we were always fighting, I had a fair idea. She probably hated the fact that I was even breathing half the time."

Finn snorted. "I don't think she ever hated you Ben."

"Kylo Ren then," he muttered morosely. "But she seemed a bit put out last night, so I offered to go stay with Chewie so she didn't have to put up with me so close by. And then this morning we nearly ran into each other at the bathing pool, I guess she was angry that I was there when she wanted to be. You probably all hate me."

"We don't _hate_ you Ben. Sure, Kylo Ren was... not a great guy. And he did some awful things to everyone, me, Poe, Rey.... But I saw and felt everything through Rey's eyes, and probably yours too, and whilst my fingers itch for a blaster sometimes when you're around, I know that's not who you really are."

Finn stirred the caf pot and tried to pull his thoughts together.

"I dont think she was upset about the pool," Finn continued. "There's probably something else going on. There always is when it comes to women. Have you ever been in a relationship... with a woman? Not just, you know, but an actual relationship where you talk and share things?"

Ben looked mildly affronted, then shrugged. "Finn, I spent most of my youth as a Padawan, and then Snoke's apprentice. Apart from a bit of wild behaviour with the Knights before I joined Snoke, well I haven't exactly been the expected son of Han Solo..."

"Not a ladies man I take it then," Finn laughed. He knew how Rey felt about Ben, but wondered if Ben was aware of Rey's feelings. Through their bond, they should instinctively know how the other felt, but Finn knew Rey better and Ben seemed to be similarly confused. They both seemed to overthink emotions and second guess themselves, and Finn knew Rey thought Ben was shackled to her against his will. She'd moaned about how his mind had been invaded by others his whole life, and now he had her in there too.

Ben, meanwhile, kept looking down the hill towards the spot the girls were. He knew Rey was upset, but she had blocked him out and he only had a vague sense of her feelings. The emotions were muted by her barrier, but high enough that she couldn't completely block him out, but he could also tell she was upset. Finn couldn't sense what Ben was getting from the bond, but the occasional frowns and the worried pinch of his brows were telling.

"Look Ben, I don't think she hates you."

"What makes you so sure?"

"She was mourning for you after Exogol. A complete mess. Kept saying part of her was missing, and she told Rose she was in pain. And then look at everything she did to get you back. Why would someone who hates you do all that?"

Ben shrugged. "A Dyad is two people sharing one soul... or so they say. For me it was... shorter. Time was different there and I was able to see... things. But it did feel like I'd been torn in two. I needed to be with her, felt incomplete without her. She probably felt the same, much to her disgust being bonded to a _monster_."

That last bit was full of self loathing, and Finn shook his head. How had someone so uncertain of himself become such a terrifying figure?

"Right.... So how long have you been in love with Rey?"

His mouth dropped open and he stared at Finn, but gave him an honest answer. 

"Since Takodana," Ben sighed mournfully.

Rey didn't actually say much to Rose. The smaller girl had simply asked her if she wanted to talk, and Rey had shook her head and tried to hold back silent tears. When she had managed to contain herself, she had paced back and forth in front of Rose, muttering to herself. Most of it was unclear to Rose, but what some of it was almost certainly centred on one former Supreme Leader

"He should put on a kriffing shirt," followed by an epithet in Huttese and another in a language Rose didn't recognise but was _clearly_ just as offensive by its tone.

More swearing, and more pacing.

"I'm so stupid," Rey almost groaned, but she was looking at her hands and not at Rose, and clearly it wasn't meant to be responded to. "Of _course_ he wants to leave."

Rose watched for a few more minutes before deciding to put an end to it. She reached out for her friend, stroking her arm lightly and shushing her.

"It's okay Rey. It's been a big few days."

Rey stopped to look at her.

"What if he doesn't want to stay with me?"

"I doubt that Rey," Rose answered her earnestly, holding Reys upper arm firmly to stop her pacing again. "But if he does, I know you'll be okay. Finn and I will be with you."

Rey nodded dumbly, tears threatening again. She did find some comfort in knowing her new family would be with her, but it wasn't the same as Ben. Rose could see the longing in Rey's eyes as she subconsciously seemed to turn her body towards the direction of the cooking area. It was a stance she had often seen Rey in as long as she had known her, after Crait, as if she was turned slightly towards something only she could hear or see, and Rose wondered now if Rey's seeming absence at times was something more.

"Rey.... when _did_ you fall in love with Ben?"

Breakfast was a subdued affair, with both Ben and Rey staring mostly at their bowls and cups and pointedly not looking at their bond partner apart from the occasional furtive glance when each thought the other wouldn't notice. Rose kept looking from Ben to Rey, shaking her head and rolling her eyes from time to time, but refrained from saying anything. Finn just sat there, not sure what to do, and praying to the Force that Rose would _not_ meddle, _not yet_. Although he would agree with Rose's whispered comment as she'd helped him fetch the bowls and cups, that the two most powerful Force users left in the galaxy were a pair of kriffing idiots on this matter.

After breakfast, Rey had stomped off to the temple to "meditate", and Ben had watched her go with a frown on his face, then taken off down to the _Falcon_ to spend time with Chewie. Finn and Rose were left to clean up, and as soon as he was sure both parties of interest were out of hearing range he pounced on Rose

"What gives," Finn hissed, scrubbing the cooking pot with sand and soapy water.

Rose raised one eyebrow at him.

"He's been in love with her since he kidnapped her in the forest, although he admits he didn't exactly understand it. I saw some of that in the vision Rey showed me...."

Rose laughed. "She thinks she first felt it when he was interrogating her. She taunted him about his mask and he took it off.... expected some kind of horror underneath it but he was just a very beautiful, scared boy."

"Kylo Ren wasn't a 'boy'", Finn pointed out. "Trust me."

Rose thought about that for a moment as she dried a bowl.

"Yeah, but I think she was looking at Ben Solo."

************************************************************************************************

High up on the ledge in front of the temple, Rey sat on what she thought of as the _meditation_ rock. She wasn't exactly meditating, although she did breathe in and out and feel the force flowing through her. She just needed to let go of her anger and her fear and try to reach some peace with what she could and couldn't have. She could have her bond with Ben, that seemed to have been healed almost immediately upon his return from the Vergence but there was a tender spot in that old wound, a scar that would occasionally remind her of what she had lost, what she had regained, and what was missing still. A Jedi wasn't supposed to make attachments, nor even to want them, yet she was attached to Ben in the most powerful way. 

And she was honest with herself when she really thought about it. She loved him. She was _in love_ with him, though they both knew each other intimately through their minds and barely at all at the same time. Rey wanted to be with him in every way that mattered, not just a half of one dyad but emotionally and physically. Though she had walked out of Exogol with hope in her heart, hearing his voice in her mind, she had initially assumed he would be a ghost who would always be with her - _like Luke and Leia_. Not exactly what she wanted, but still a comforting presence that would always be part of her. But he had never appeared, never spoke to her in her mind, and she had begun to realise he was _gone, really gone... forever._ And then Rey had to face what Ben Solo had really meant to her.

So she couldn't have Ben in all the ways she truly wanted him. And that hurt. She wanted to scream and yell, break things and just _destroy_ something. Not very Jedi like, but she could appreciate the urge to destroy that Ben had felt as Kylo.

And Rey knew she hadn't been very fair to Ben since the cave, withholding things, cross with herself really but taking it out on _him_ like a petulant child. Upset because of a _dream_ , and then that _krffing bare chest_ that had done strange things to her stomach. Rey had been abandoned as a child, and despite the knowledge now that her parents had done so to hide her from Palpatine there was still that old hurt. That sense of longing and being unlovable and unwanted remained. So she made a pre-emptive move to prepare herself for the loss. Ben had been the son of a princess and a war hero, Rey was the child of nobodies even if her grandfather was the evil sithspawn emperor, and she simply wasn't _good enough_ for him.

Such thoughts were miserable, and she knew she was indulging in her misery at more than her own expense. She could sense Ben, out on the island, in the _Falcon_ with Chewie, and her own bad mood must be bleeding off in to him because she felt his sadness when she reached for him.

 _Pull yourself together Rey_ , she admonished. And then a mental glance towards Ben. _I'm sorry Ben._

Rey closed her eyes and settled her thoughts, deciding since she was here anyway she should not waste her time on the rock but actually meditate. She needed guidance on where they were going next - she couldn't exactly stay here forever, there was Tattoine to get back to and they needed a plan to ensure Ben's safe return to the galaxy. But those were problems to start working out tomorrow. For now she just needed to find some balance.

As she breathed slowly in and out, she could feel the force around her. Within her. The temple, the ocean, the dirt beneath them. All the living things in the light, the death and decay that brought new life, and the cave below them with the mirror that she had pulled Ben through. Though it was place strong in the dark side of the force, she could see the truth of that side of the force. Not inherently evil in and of itself, but a powerful source of dark energy that was more easily harnessed for evil than the light side was. And the light side could and had been used for acts that could be considered evil, despite its usual associated with what was right and good. This was an important truth, but not one that was new to Rey. Her mind swept out past Chewie and Ben on the Falcon, and she momentarily touched Ben's mind, seeing his eyes widen in recognition, as she swept past him and out to sea, then out into the galaxy beyond. Peace. Light, dark, in balance. There was a presence here, watching her. It was... _hungry_.

Slowly images began forming, light firing on her retinas in the darkness and the fine hairs of her inner ears picking up sounds in the silence.

_At first, the vision was a repetition of things she had already seen. Each scene was but a few moments, yet felt forever too._

_A girl crying in the desert watching a ship taking off._

_Running through an oddly shaped corridor, rolling and falling._

_Kylo, with his Knights, impaling one with his saber as she fell to the wet ground before him._

_It shifted now, going through some of her memories._

_The first time she saw Ben - not the creature in the forest, but the man who took off his mask to comfort her when he was supposed to be at his most frightening. And on the bridge where he met his father, for a moment she had though he was going to give himself up to Han Solo, but then Kylo Ren had speared him through the heart._

_The blow of the lightsabre as she sliced open Kylo Ren's face,_

_An outstretched hand, offering her a place at his side, and his plea to her "Please"._

_The necklace on Passana, where she had looked at the children and wondered if she would ever have that herself. Kylo suddenly appearing to her after so long, and she had been happy in that moment to see him before he snatched the necklace and come after her._

_The sand serpent - not the first creature she had healed but certainly the largest and most dangerous so far._

_The sickening blow that had killed Kylo Ren, and her freely given life force that had healed that same wound and brought back Ben Solo._

_The temptation to give in to Palpatine to save her friends, and the sweet relief when she realised "Ben is here"._

_When they stood together in front of Palpatine, truly recognising what they were - a dyad - for the first time._

_Ben and herself, on their knees before the emperor, he was draining the power of the Dyad, and then her silent scream of loss as Palpatine threw Ben._

_Coming to after Ben had healed her, that kiss and then.... gone. She had never felt so alone, even at her lowest moments on Jakku._

_A spike of relief with the whispered "I'll always be with you", but then despair when he never came as Luke and Leia had._

_Finding her kyber crystal, and the nightmares that had started._

_Realising Ben might be alive, bringing him back through the portal. She had passed out from the effort... but she could see Ben's fear that she might die again. That he might lose her, alone and no longer with their connection. That was the way she felt about him too._

_Now, she was back on Exogol. Just like her dream it was cold, lifeless, but a dark malevolent presence was there. It was old. Far older than the Sith or the Jedi. It has been around as long as the force itself. She walked slowly towards it. Cold, alone. She carried her lightsabre, and another one she didn't recognise. Her white tunic and leggings were spattered with blood, hers and someone elses. The dark shadow formed up, tall and with those red eyes. It stood before the throne of the sith, and kneeling at his feet was Ben. He was bruised, and bloody, and in so much pain. And then she bowed before the shadow, touching her forehead to the floor in prostration._

_"Master" she acknowledged, and she lit her saber. It was red. Ben looked at her, sad but with forgiveness in his eyes._

_"I love you" he told her, "I should have told you that before now. I should have told you every day we were together."_

_But she raised her saber and swung it, and Ben's head rolled down the steps to lie on the floor with eyes upward, unseeing._

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"


	14. Cracked and Bleeding

"Gods Chewie, I've got no idea what I did wrong". 

Ben was pacing up and down in the main lounge, Chewie sitting back and watching him warily. He was reminded of Han, similarly pacing up and down and trying to figure out where exactly he had gone wrong after an argument with Leia. It was always Hans fault... well, nearly always. Usually an error of omission rather than commission, although there had been enough of those too. 

_Have you told her that you are in love with her yet_ , Chewie sounded almost bored.

Ben stopped pacing for a moment and gawped at him

"Of course not, she doesn't _love me_ Chewie. I'm a monster, how could she love me?"

Chewie snorted a laugh, thinking about how Rey had bullied him into putting her into an escape pod so she could go to Ben on the Supremacy. If that act of sheer idiocy wasn't love, then what was?

_Pretty sure leading with 'I love you' is going to get you off the hook._

"That's not helping Chewie."

Ben sat at the station chair, glaring at his godfather. Ben was absent mindedly running a hand though his hair... so much like Han, and then he dropped his head into his hands, elbows on his thighs, and sighed loudly.

"I don't know what to do."

_Its customary to tell the female you like her. Bond with her, mate her, and produce a few cubs._

Ben just groaned. Chewie was watching him with amusement, debating whether to just tell Ben that _of course_ Rey felt the same way about him, and point out how it was obvious to everyone else. But he was also guiltily enjoying Ben's discomfiture, watching every little flicker of emotion across his face and his struggle to hold it in, just like when he had been a cub. Watching Ben intently as he was, he noticed when something suddenly changed in the man's expression.

Ben felt it like a breeze against the back of his skull. A whisper, a passing breath. _Rey_.

He had not been paying all that much attention, pushing down the feelings across the bond, but he had been aware of her still distressed state and a few images of her climb to the temple. He could see her now, seated calmly on the rock, meditating. She felt bad about the morning, the not quite fight about.... nothing really. Both of them confused, uncertain, not knowing where their new boundaries lay and uncertain of what it meant to no longer be enemies. Their deep bond, their dyad, and how it had tempered their old fractious relationship and now would frame their new one.

Although he was still present in the _Falcon,_ with Chewie, images from Rey's mind began to bleed across the bond. Just a play of lights to begin with, a rushing sound in his ears, and then he could hear a small child crying, begging someone. " _Come back_ ". He shook his head, trying to clear it, to separate himself from Rey's vision. It was confusing, like viewing the images through a blurry filter, and the sound muffled as though through water. Apart from the first scene nothing was very clear to him. But he could feel Rey's responses like they were his own. Tense, stiff, as she relived unpleasant memories. Joy, heartbreak. Fear. No terror, _Rey was terrified_. She was screaming, blinded by panic, and struggling to breathe. The panic attack the first morning after the Cave was nothing compared to this, and she felt like she was dying.

_Rey! Hold on Rey! I'm coming._

Rey was almost convinced she had been lying on the rock her entire existence. Her chest was constricted, unable to move all but the tiniest amount of air in her lungs, and she was so _cold_. At the same time she was stuck on Exegol, Ben's dead eyes staring up at her from the base of the steps as she calmly kicked his body down to join his head. Rey pinned to the rock was shocked, disbelieving and horrified, whilst the Rey on Exegol smiled her dark red lips and bared her pointed fangs as she looked down at her victim. She felt colder, chest if anything even tighter, and her heart was racing so fast that it she felt each beat as an aching staccato in her chest. Stuck in a vision she so desperately wanted to be free of.

Ben could only remember one other time in his life he had ever run so fast, and it was towards the same person. When he had run to join her on Exegol. His muscles burned as he raced up the hill, flying past Finn and Rose outside the huts. They stared at him open mouthed as he flew past, but he barely recognised them. All Ben could think of was Rey, and he pushed away the memory of her body lying on a cold stone floor. As he climbed the last stretch to the temple, Ben bounded up steps two, three at a time, close but still a way to go. He drew on the Force, trying to keep his exhausted muscles in ongoing movement. Finally, finally he could see the arch of the temple entrance. He knew from previous exploration his first day on the island that the rock Rey sat on to meditate lay beyond the temple proper, and he stumbled past the mosaic pool and out into the sunlight beyond. She was there, curled on her side with her arms wrapped her chest as if she was in pain. A cry of grief fell from her lips as she managed to draw one sucking breath, and Ben felt as if his own heart was about to break as he knelt by her side and reached out for her.

"Rey," Ben soothed, sliding one hand behind her neck to support her as he pulled her into a sitting position against his chest. "I'm here. It's all over. _Breathe._ Open your eyes. Look at me, please Rey. I need to know you're okay"

Slowly, Ben's voice began to penetrate Rey's waking nightmare. He was stroking her hair, speaking in a low tone and she could feel calming waves with each stroke of his fingers. Another voice in her head... _breathe Rey. Just Breathe. I'm here with you._ She took a shuddering breath, and finally opened her eyes to stare up at Ben. She blinked a few times, shaky breaths in and out, staring at him as she struggled for balance.

"I had a vision," Rey croaked finally, her voice hoarse and throat thick from her ideal. "I, I... I killed you and took the throne. We were on Exegol, and I was ordered by my Master to kill you. And I _enjoyed_ it."

Ben shook his head, and climbed onto the perch next to her on the rock, pulling her against his shoulder so they were both facing out looking over the sea.

"It's not real I promise you. You defeated the Sith Rey, all of them. There's nothing on Exegol now."

She shook her head as she rolled into his side and burrowed her head back into his shoulder for comfort. However much she wanted to believe Ben, she was afraid her vision was not of what could have been, but what was to come. He seemed to understand that what she needed now wasn't words, but the more concrete reality of physical touch, a reassurance they were both here. Ben wrapped his arm around her shoulders, taking her free hand is his, and massaged the back of it with his thumb. 

They stared out at the ocean for a while, Rey still afraid that her vision would come true. Ben was no stranger to fear and torture, and the confusing visions the dark side could offer up. The nature of the dark side was to show your deepest fears, and despite Rey's strength he knew her bloodline was one of hers. And like Ben himself, she also feared the pain of losing their connection again. Ben imagined the combination of those two fears could have lead to this. After Crait, he'd barely slept for a fortnight as each sleep cycle he saw himself cutting her down as Snoke had instructed, and he'd fumbled to the 'fresher to empty his stomach after each one. He'd lost weight and a good deal of patience with the senior staff who quickly learned to appreciate _breathing_ , and had only found some peace when his search for her was rewarded with some security footage of her sneaking through one of the First Order's bases.... _scavenging_ some droid parts, brazenly walking up to two scout troopers and using the force to make then _help_ her. When he'd finally found them they'd had no memory of the events, no memory of even being troopers. He chuckled internally at the memory, before lightly brushing his mind against Rey's to check on how she was recovering.

Rey couldn't seem to let go of the vision. Across their bond he could sense she was persevering with it, running it across her mind as she examined it, although granted now it was like an old recording on repeat and not something she was actively reliving. 

"Want to talk about it?" Ben offered.

Rey shook her head, lost in a flurry of thoughts and emotions she wasn't yet able to fully untangle. She felt silly having had a panic attack about it, and she recalled the vision she had seen on Takodana when she had touched the lightsabre that was calling to her. Rey had panicked then too, running away from a vision and a lightsabre and the awful truth Maz had seen that Rey couldn't face. Though in the forest, she had run into her destiny.

Visions were something she didn't like, usually unpleasant memories brought to life, and so often dark. She wondered if it was because of her birthright in the darkness, a warning of what she really was deep down. Occasionally she had seen bright potentials that she had clung to at the time - like the one that had prompted her to deliver herself to the Supremacy. Kylo defeating Snoke with the triumphant return to the light of Ben, the two of them sitting at a Resistance meeting with Leia, walking together hand in hand along the shores of a lake, behind them a long sloping meadow and a large house off in the distance. Whilst Ben _had_ killed Snoke, the rest of that vision had proved false. Well... Ben _had_ certainly returned later but Leia was dead, and here they were on a tiny rock in the middle of a vast ocean instead of walking by a lake. She had no idea what to make of visions, or what their purpose was.

"I'm cold" Rey mentioned suddenly. "Can we head back down?"

Ben nodded, and continued to hold her hand as he helped her to her feet, but she dropped it to smooth out her tunic. He held it out for a moment thinking to take it again, but she was looking down at her feet and missed the gesture. He tried not to feel the surge of rejection when she didn't take his hand, and hid his feelings from her as he followed her back down the path to the huts. Rey felt Ben slam down his walls, blocking her out, and she couldn't help but feel hurt. 

Chewie was waiting for them near the cooking area, watching the body language of the two. It was clear to him that the two of them hadn't sorted out their feelings, and whilst he was tempted to say something - or maybe just clap their heads together and knock some sense into them, he also knew the reality was they'd never spent so much time together not trying to kill each other. Right up until the moment Rey had run from everyone at Kef-Bir, their relationship had been mostly antagonistic. Now together in a different dynamic, they were each assuming thoughts and feelings in the other party that applied to their old relationship, whilst their long attraction and deeply rooted concern for each other that had underlain their relationship from the beginning was now thrown into relief. Ben's eyes slid up to Chewie's as he approached, and the Wookie just rolled his eyes and huffed.

Finn had sensed Rey's approach, and he and Rose met them near the fire pit. They sat at the rough hewn bench, as Ben leaned against the rock wall and Rey sat cross-legged on the grass. Chewie ambled over to sit with Rey, patting her shoulder comfortingly before coming to the point with a few soft growls.

Rose raised an eyebrow at Rey. Her Shyyriwook was limited to an understanding of "yes", "no", "hello" and "goodbye".

"What's the plan," Rey answered the unspoken question. "We came here for Ben, we've got Ben, so what now?"

"Back to Tatooine?" Finn suggested, "I mean we're busy setting up to train and Jannah and the ex troopers are waiting for you."

"I don't really known," Rey shrugged. Ben thought she looked a little sad.

"I didn't exactly think any further than this," Rey continued, and then looked directly at Ben. "I just knew I had to get you back."

Rey picked at a blade of grass, thinking about what she _should_ do. She should give Ben his freedom. Poe would probably want to drag Ben in front of the new Senate, to answer for his crimes as Kylo Ren, but that hardly seemed fair to her and she doubted Finn would make her. Rose seemed quite happy to forgive him too. Chewie also seemed to have made peace, although she knew that he would never forget Han's death he had also seen Ben's struggle between the two sides of the Force on the bridge. Though Ben ultimately had obeyed his master and killed Han, Chewie had seen him fighting with himself. And Chewie was a good shot, even at that distance and angle, what was painful but ultimately nonfatal should have been a kill shot.

And Ben's whole life he'd had someone else in his mind. The dyad bond would always be there, and it would hurt them both to be separated, but a separation of distance rather than between life and death would be tolerable and Ben could live as he chose. They could go back to the old moments across stars, and she would have to be satisfied with that.

"I suppose Tatooine is as good a place as any," Rey finally decided. "We can go back to training and Ben can get passage wherever he wants."

He was stung by her words. Although Ben hadn't fooled himself into thinking she could love him too, he hadn't expected her to reject him so totally or openly. They were bonded to each other, irrevocably linked, and she had pulled him from the inbetween back in to the living. Perhaps that was it though - bonded to each other is not the same as _love_. They would always be a part of the other, but it wasn't by choice. The Force had bound them for it's own reasons, not of their choosing. Rey had been little more than a slave on Jakku, an accidental reluctant hero to the Resistance and bound to their cause, and now she was bonded to him. Each could be seen as a servitude. So Ben kept his feelings buried and spared her the hurt he felt. There was a pain in his chest that was spreading through his body, worse than that familiar sense of rejection because now that he had embraced that he _loved_ her, he wanted only what would make _her_ happy. He would be forever in pain, and glad of it, as long as _she_ was free. He vaguely realised she was still talking, and he tried to bring himself back to the conversation.

"..just a feeling. I don't think its quite time to leave. I'm sorry to keep you stuck here a few more days Ben. Ben?" She looked at him enquiringly.

"Uh yeah, sure. What's a few more days."

Rey couldn't look at him. His indifferent tone hurt, and she firmly locked her eyes on her feet. A few more days... a few more days and they'd be headed back to Tatooine, drop him at one of the Ports... probably Mos Eisley. And then he'd be gone. Sure they'd probably see each other again, even if only through the bond, but he wouldn't be with her. She had to be fair to Ben, even though the idea of it twisted her chest, far worse than any panic she'd had. Saving Ben had healed the scar in her soul, but left her heart cracked and bleeding.

********************************************************************************************************

Rey was dimly aware, as she hid morosely in her hut for the rest of the afternoon, that Ben had gone back to the _Falcon_ shortly after the meeting. She could feel the shape of him in the force, an awareness of his presence, but they had both withdrawn their feelings and thoughts from the other. _Best to get used to the distance_ , Rey supposed bitterly, and she felt her heart crack further open.

There wasn't much to do, but she had no intention of coming out, and pushed Rose away with the excuse of being tired rather than talking to her about _feelings._ Rey didn't want to have any _feelings_ right now. She would do the right thing and set Ben free, but that didn't mean she had to _feel_ right now. That could come later when he wasn't there to see her cry and his guilt wouldn't make his kind heart stay with her. She chewed on her fingernails, a bad habit she'd developed on Jakku to combat anxiety and boredom, but thought she had broken until now. On top of it all her mind still darted back to the vision of the morning, reinforcing her decision to let Ben go. _If he's not around, I can't hurt him_. Yes, definitely for the best, and she felt her heart crack a little more.

"You about done with that train of thought?" Master Luke knelt behind her, one ghostly hand squeezing her shoulder and casting a faint blue tinged glow around the room. "That's certainly self pity worthy of the Skywalker name. You're well suited to it."

Rey jumped up and spun around. Luke's eyes were kind but there was an amused twist to his lip. She sniffed, but looked him coolly in the eye.

"Damn the Force," Rey told him. "Ben deserves to make his own path!"

"I agree," Luke's eyes were laughing, but then his mouth became a hard determined line. "And you're not letting him."

Rey was suddenly livid. She clenched her fist, leaned towards him, and _growled_.

"What.Do.You.MEAN!". She exploded then, hissing epithets at him Huttese and pacing up and down in front of the hearth. Luke crossed his arms, leaned back against an invisible wall, and watched her stomping about shaking her fists.

"Your temper was well matched to Kylo."

Rey narrowed her eyes. If she could shoot blaster bolts from her eyes Luke was sure he'd be a dead man twice over. He raised his arms in a gesture of peace.

"Why don't you ask _him_ where he wants to go next? Maybe he wants to _stay_." He shrugged. "Or maybe he doesn't. You haven't exactly let him make a _choice_ if you've already practically packed his bags and booked him a seat."

Some of the heat went out of Rey as she stared at Luke. He crossed his arms again and leaned back, grinning at her in his exasperating way.

"For the supposedly wise leader of the new Jedi order, you can be frighteningly impulsive, make assumptions without all the data, and rather self righteous. Don't forget the self loathing. Now did Ben get that from you, or did you get that from Ben?"

She screamed at him then, picking up the metal mug from the bench next to the fireplace, and threw it. It passed straight through him as he began to fade, and the last thing she heard was his chuckle.

***************************************************************************

Rey refused to come out even into the night. Even when she felt Ben pass back by her door to cook for them. Even when he knocked on her door, a tray of food in his hands. Even when she could feel his pain and his worry and he had begged her to come out and at least talk to Rose. Especially not when he retired to the hut across from hers shortly after the suns had set. She lay on her side under her blankets, staring at the fireplace, blocking him out as much as she could. She could feel his tension, he wasn't asleep either. Both of their minds perched on either side of an barrier, one that would be so easy to breach but too afraid of the hurt they might feel. 

Eventually, thirst and a need to relieve herself forced Rey from her bed, and she snuck off out of her hut to take care of her needs. As she came back to her door, she saw the covered tray she had missed when she left. She carried it inside, setting it down on the stool near next to the pillows of her bed, and pulled back the cloth. There was a flask of cold water, a container of the salad he'd prepared for dinner, some of the polystarch bread he'd shuddered at but knew she loved, and some yellow flowers in little carved stone cup. Under the cup there was folded slip of paper, and she pulled it out and stared at it. She chewed on a few bites of the polystarch bread as she stared at it, before swallowing and deciding to unfold the note.

His script was surprising delicate for a man who had spent most of his adult life using his large hands for brute force. At first Rey didn't read it, she just traced some of the slanting letters and appreciated it's beauty. When she did read it she found it was a simple note, just a few short lines, but honest and heartfelt. She couldn't eat any more, smoothing down the crease of the fold and trying very hard not to cry. Her heart broke when she realised how cruel she had been to him, taking comfort from him when she was distressed, then pushing him away because she was afraid of her feelings.

_Rey,_

_I don't know what I did to hurt you. I always seem to be hurting you._

_I understand you need me to leave. But I just want you to know_

_every time I offered you my hand I meant it_ _._

 _And whilst I was away all I wanted was to find a way to get_ _back to you,_

_and all I want now is to stay by your side._

_Ben._


	15. A Kiss that Mends a Broken Heart.

Ben couldn't sleep, and he knew Rey was awake too. She was so close, just a couple stone walls and a narrow path away, but it felt like the other side of the galaxy. He had sensed her sneaking out, and debated following her, but ultimately just lay defeated in his bed. She wasn't gone long, but when she came back he could feel her hesitation as she paused at her door. She must have found the tray he'd left for her after she refused to come out to eat. Ben had been so tempted to force the door open, knowing how unwell she had let herself become previously by forgetting to eat or even drink sometimes. He fretted that the breaking of their link could have done that to her, but also how it had chained her to him. So he had left the tray, with those little orange-yellow flowers that reminded him of a childhood picture he'd drawn of a sun, rays of light spiking out. The memory of it made him think of her. _His_ Rey of light, who had cut through all of his darkness and seen who had truly been under the mask. But he couldn't make his mouth say any of the words he needed it to, she never stayed long enough for him to get them out anyway, and so he left an insufficient note that barely even began to explain how he felt about her.

He could feel her, muted though it was with the tension between them, but she was eating at least. Good. She was anxious, something she didn't need - _well done kriffing nerfherder, you've upset her again._ Ben frowned.... she felt, _guilty_? Kriff it, now Rey was crying and he wasn't sure what to do. A flash of what she was seeing, fingers tracing the letters of his note and holding it away suddenly to stop tears from falling on it. 

Ben sat up, and ran a hand nervously through his hair, breathing slowly to try to calm himself. He wanted to go to her, but all afternoon Rey had made it clear that she wanted to be alone. So he was surprised when he heard her tapping on his door - he hadn't sensed her getting up.

"I know you're awake Ben," her voice was small, and he could sense she was afraid of his answer but she asked anyway. "Can I please come in and talk?"

Rey wasn't sure Ben would talk to her. His note suggested more than she had realised, but she was afraid she had ruined everything, and she was uncertain of the outcome. But she heard a scuffing as his feet found purchase on the floor, and it wasn't long before he opened the door. He was dressed in the long sleep pants, bare feet and chest, and he was so tall he had to duck his head so he could see through the doorway. He held the door open only a crack at first, taking in her hunched form in her tunic and leggings, fiddling with ends of her wrap, and the tear streaked faced and reddened eyes. He swung the door wide open and cocked his head in invitation.

There was quite a lot Rey wanted to say, but the combination of his bare chest and her nerves was tying her tongue. She had a strange sense of deja vu and an odd desire to ask him to _put on a cowl._ She snorted at the memory, and Ben raised one eyebrow.

"Sorry, just remembering something."

He gestured to the bed, and sat down crosslegged on it, patting the space in front of him as an invitation to sit. She took it, gracefully dropping down to join him, nervously looking at his hands resting on his knees. She'd not been this nervous when she confronted him on the _Supremacy_. 

_Why do I feel so afraid._ Ben looked at her... and she realised he had heard her, and then she heard him. _I feel it too_.

Rey swallowed, then wriggled forward until their knees were touching and grabbed his hands in hers.

"I don't want to fight anymore Ben. I know I haven't been very fair. Its just.... a lot."

She squeezed his hands and tried to find the words she wanted to say. She should apologise properly, she should tell him she _loved_ him, she should tell him his note was more beautiful to her than any other gift she had ever received. In the end though, she chose to simply mirror the note.

"I would really like to stay by your side too."

Slowly they leaned forwards, until their foreheads rested against each other. Rey pulled her hands free of his, and reached up to put a hand on each side of his face. He copied her movements, and she felt the warmth of his hands as he held her face gently. This kiss, when it came, was soft and gentle but oh so full of promise. He wanted more, but didn't press her, and when their lips pulled apart she lay her head against his chest over his heart and sighed happily.

Ben lay down on the bed, pulling her down with him and lay on his back with Ray to his left and her head back over his heart where she seemed to need to be. Rey was shivering a little, so he pulled the blanket up securely around her. Slowly the tension began to leave her body, and she relaxed into the comforting warmth of his chest, the regular reassuring beat of his heart. Rey felt her own poor broken and bleeding heart begin to heal.

He couldn't believe she was here. Not huddled to him out of necessity for warmth, not because she had to, but because she wanted to, and just maybe she felt something more too. Ben tried to warn himself that she might only be feeling the pull of the bond, but for him at least he knew there was more than just the bond, that he _loved_ her. If Rey didn't feel the same, if all she would do is let him stay by her side it would have to be enough. He made sure the blankets were tucked around her and she was warm and comfortable, and listened to her soft puffs of breath as she drifted into sleep before the rhythm of her breathing edged his own awareness into slumber.

***************************************************************************************

It wasn't a long walk to the meadow, but long enough that the first of the suns broke the horizon by the time they got there. Rey grabbed the training sticks from a large boulder just off the path, tossing one to Ben and spinning the other in a practiced rhythm. 

When Rey had woken in Ben's bed she had suddenly been filled with a nervous energy. It hadn't helped that Ben had woken up almost at the same time, feeling that frisson through the bond as well. Rey had jumped out from his embrace, pacing a few steps and fiddling with her wrap. He watched her impassively as she struggled with whatever was bothering her, worried she was going to push him away, tell him spending the night in his arms was a mistake. Even if _all_ he had done was _hold_ her.... despite very much wanting to do so much more.

He thought his worst fears were about to come true when she started to say she needed to get away from the huts, but then she had surprised him by asking him to go with her to the meadow and spar with her. Then perhaps it was just a reflection of most of their previous relationship had been - a series of violent clashes punctuated by painful if truthful words, and a handful of moments where they shared one space despite being light years apart.

Apart from the invitation to spar, Rey hadn't said anything yet. Ben had only nodded agreement and followed her, afraid to say anything in case the words were wrong, and upset her again. And maybe Rey just needed to blow off some steam.

He rolled his neck with a crack, and gave a few practice slashes and his signature backwards twirl. Rey, for her part, paced around him with that feral glint he remembered after she had slashed his face, taking the measure of him like a predator eyes it's prey. After a long moment she nodded, mouth set into a thin line, and she ran at him.

Her movements could sometimes be aggressive, but usually quick and light as she danced around him. _This_ was far more like his own brute force approach, but she was all aggression and no finesse, without the quick footedness his size belied. Ben rapidly realised Rey wasn't even trying to land any blows on _him_. This wasn't sparring. Rey was angry and hurt and taking it out on a pair of weighted sticks instead of dealing with her emotions. Ben kept it up for a few minutes, not sure what he needed to do, but she wasn't even trying to defend herself and in the end he began to worry that this might set a pattern he didn't wanting her taking into a fight. So when he saw his opening he knocked her stick from her hands with a one armed blow and caught her with his free arm as she fell backwards in surprise.

Ben dropped his stick next to hers, and grabbed both of shoulders with a gentle shake and an intense stare. Her face crumpled, and she began to cry as she grabbed at his wrists on her shoulders to steady herself, knees buckling slightly with the force of her internalised pain.

"Talk." It was gentle, but firm, and a command not a request.

She sniffled and tried to hold back her tears. 

"I'm so angry. And I'm so tired. And it's all because I'm afraid all the time," Rey confessed in a small voice. "Afraid of being alone. Everyone expects me to be something I'm not. They think I'm so brave but if only they knew. Everyone thinks they know me, but the only person who ever really has is you."

"Rey," Ben smiled and gently pulled her into an embrace, "Being brave isn't being without fear. Bravery is facing fear and doing it anyway. You've always done that."

He kissed the top of her hair, and she found it gave her the strength to go on.

"When you came for me, I realised what our bond meant. I knew that you were with me, making me stronger, and for the first time since we fought together in the Snoke's throne room I was complete. But it was better, like the first time was just an echo of what we were meant to be. I truly felt like I wasn't alone any more, we were what we were meant to be."

Rey was crying, but still strong, although Ben could feel the edge of panic through the bond as she recalled the events of Exegol.

"When Palpatine drew from our dyad, and you were thrown down that hole, I was frightened at first that you were gone forever. And I was ready to give up Ben, I really was. But then I realised I could feel you still, even if you were somewhere down that hole and in pain. So much pain, though I knew you would make it, and you gave me the strength to go on. All those past Jedi urging me on, their spirits with me. But what made me strong in that moment, strong enough to rise up off that floor like they were telling me.... it wasn't them Ben. It was you. How much I loved you. Even when I defeated Palpatine, and I knew I was about to die, it was okay because you were still there. As long as you were alright I was at peace."

He struggled to process it at first. She was reliving her horror, and somewhere in there she had just _said it._ She loved him too. And in her need to tell him everything, she didn't seem to have realised. He didn't draw her attention to it, wondering if she wasn't ready to say it openly yet. 

And then he thought about how she had been ready to die. Ben pulled her tighter, rubbing her back with one hand in small, comforting circles as she shuddered a few restrained sobs. He was reminded of how he had felt when he'd found her, when he realised how he could save her and he remembered how he had been so at peace with sacrificing himself. _Because she would be alright_.

"When you died a part of me died too, and I wasn't the same Ben. All I wanted was to have you back, it was like half of me was just gone. I don't think I could have gone on much longer alone. Now, even though that feeling of being whole is back, even though I know I'm not alone anymore.... I'm just afraid you're going to be taken away again, or that you want to leave me and I'll be alone again."

_Why would you think I would ever want to leave you?_

"You spent your whole life with other people in your head, manipulating you, lying to you, torturing you.... and now we're in each others heads. You deserve peace."

He sighed, and Ben lifted her chin to look at him.

"Rey, having you 'in my head' brings me peace."

She flushed slowly. "I'm a scavenger, one step up from a slave, _nobody_ from _nowhere_."

"Rey," Ben sighed, "I didn't mean it like that, I should not have said you were nobody. You're certainly not _nobody_ to me."

"And I hate the idea that you might only be here because the Force bound us together and you can't escape it."

Ben frowned at her, surprised that some of her fears echoed his own. He lowered his face towards her and gently brushed her lips with his own.

"Rey," Ben's voice was deep, and serious. "Do you think I'm only here because we are connected to each other? Are _you_ only here because of it? If you want to be free of it I promise I'll do everything I can to release you."

"No! I don't want to break this. I _don't_ want to lose this connection."

She shook her head vehemently, and tears threatened to fall.

"Unless....," her voice was quiet, sad. "Maybe you do?"

"I don't _want_ to be free Rey" he chuckled. "Not from this anyway. You brought me back in to the light. You gave me balance again."

Rey nodded mutely, staring down at the hand she had somehow rested just below his ribs, twisting his sweater in her fist.

"Even if we didn't have this bond, I think... No I _know_ that I would still want to stay with you Rey." 

Ben was smiling down at her now, one arm pulling her close, the other still rubbing those warm comforting circles up and down her spine. Rey suddenly decided she loved those circles.

"I didn't respond too well to your rejection of my _repeated_ offers to share the galaxy with you, Rey. No because I knew we'd be powerful. What I was offering... what I was _really_ offering you... _was me._ "

Rey's head shot up suddenly, her eyes wide open, the early morning light reflecting wetly from threatened tears.

"So I have to ask you Rey.... When you told me you wanted to take Ben's hand... was it because of our bond, or something more?"

Tears began to spill unbidden, as she Rey brushed her free hand along his jaw to his ear, noting the hint of stubble, and then on to the back of his neck. She leaned forward and pulled his head down to hers, resting her forehead against his. Ben brought his hands up to the sides of her face, each thumb brushing away salty tears, and he smiled at her. Oh that beautiful smile she remembered from the pit. The hand fisted in his shirt raced up to his chest at that thought, making sure his heart was still beating and he was not about to be taken from her again.

"Always," she finally answered. "It wasn't just about that connection, or the light in you that I wanted to show the galaxy. I think I fell in love with you when you took off that mask for the first time"

He brushed a tear soaked thumb over her lips, and she could taste the salt, and then his lips were almost on hers now.

"When I chased you in the forest near the castle," Ben offered back. "I _should_ have kept after the droid, but I had you....and I couldn't think of anything else. I think that's when I began to fall in love with you."

Rey sank down to her knees pulling Ben with her, leaning into him and offering up her mouth.

When their lips parted Rey was breathless, her head spinning and her heart racing. She made the mistake of looking into Ben's eyes, and saw the heat in his eyes. It sparked a flame in her belly, a slow flickering heat of her own that slowly expanded, and she fell back against the grass of the meadow as he leaned over and kissed her again, pressing on her shoulders. She she felt a pressure on her lips as his tongue sought entrance. Ben covered her body with his own, using his elbows to take most of his weight, and continued to explore her mouth with his tongue. Rey had never been kissed like this, and her first attempt to reciprocate was hesitant. But when Ben groaned that fire in her belly was fanned into a raging heat and she enthusiastically continued. Each kiss felt like it was healing the last cracks of her heart, making her part of Ben again. Making her whole.

Ben finally pulled away, panting slightly and staring down at her. She smiled, and tried to pull him down to her but Ben shook his head regretfully.

"I don't think the meadow is a good place to be doing this Rey, although I'd very much like to continue."

He sat up and pulled her into a sitting position.

"Besides," Ben nodded towards the path, "Finn and Rose are coming."

Ben picked up the training sticks, pulled her to her feet, and she tried to tidy her flyaway hair. By the time Finn came in to view they looked only as if they had been sparring. Rose was not far behind him, carrying a basket with their breakfast, although her eyes narrowed sightly as she saw them and Rey had an uncomfortable feeling that Rose, at least, knew exactly what had been going on.

Rey looked at her friends, and felt an uncomfortable resentment at their presence.

***************************************************************************************

After the four of them had eaten their breakfast in the meadow, Rey sent Finn to his hut to work on his unfinished saber. Rey had shown him the basics of her own, showing him the vision of her building it, and he had the basic concept of it, but he was struggling with the spiritual connection to the Force required to complete it. He was strong enough, but a lifetime of weapons as mere tools was interfering with the approach to a lightsaber - not a mere weapon but one bonded to a single Force user that in harmony with it's wielder could achieve far more than a simple "glowstick" as Poe had once disparaged the Skywalker saber Rey had wielded.

And as his teacher, Rey really did think Finn needed to spend more time on it.

She sent Rose to help Chewie on the Falcon. She had a feeling they would be leaving soon.

Both the tasks she set her friends were important, and needed to be done.

But truthfully, Rey just wanted to take Ben over to the village of the caretakers, on the pretence of thanking them and saying goodbye. And then show him the little rocky beach on the far side where they be alone and she could be kissed by him some more.

The Lanai seemed indifferent to the news they were leaving, which Rey supposed was better than the ecstatic response she got last time she said goodbye. She wondered if, should she ever come back again, they might actually looked please to see her return. As they walked hand in hand through the village, Rey felt as if they were all watching her and Ben, and she had an uncomfortable sensation she was being measured.

The pebbles of the little beach had been worn smooth and round by a millenia of tidal waters, and Rey took off her boots to roll her feet around on the warm stones. Here, with Ben, she felt free as she watched the waves, breathing in the salt tang of the air and feeling a warm hum in the Force that was recognisably Ben. A _happy_ Ben as he watched her slowly turn around in a spin, arms out and upturned face drinking up the warmth of the suns, before turning out to sea again.

Eventually he pulled off his own boots, and came up behind her to capture her in his arms, her back pulled in to his chest. Warm, strong arms wrapped around her, and he rested his chin in her hair as he stared out at the same sea. Rey felt safe, strong, and _loved_. 

He began kissing the curve of her neck, just below her earlobe, and slowly worked his way down to the shoulder of her tunic. Here, one arm still slung around her waist, he pulled the sleeve aside slightly to continue down to her collar bone, before slowly retreating back to her earlobe. Rey tingled and shivered with a pleasure she'd never felt before, and for a moment, when he retreated to her earlobe, she anxiously thought he was going to stop. But he merely exchanged the arm around her waste for the other, moving his mouth to her other ear, and proceeded to trace a similar path to the previous one. When he was done on that side, she began to tremble a little.

"Do you want me stop, Rey," Ben whispered in her ear, "tell me if you don't want me to touch you."

She grabbed at the arm around her waist and pulled it tighter to herself, and summoned enough breath to whisper back.

"Please Ben. _Don't_ stop."

He return to his kissed, first one temple, then another, before spinning her around to face him. He observed her for a moment - lips parted slightly, her breath faster, and her eyes seeking his. As he lowered his mouth to hers, Rey found herself wrapping her fingers in his hair, combing through the soft curls as his tongue explored her mouth. She thought he might devour her, and in the same instance _wanted_ to be devoured by him. That strange heat below had returned, and when Ben pulled her tighter to him, her thighs straddling one of his to get closer, she felt the hard evidence of his desire against her hip. She wanted this, wanted him, but she pulled away from him a little afraid of her desire.

Ben closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get his breathing and rapid heartrate under control. Kylo would have seen this as a rejection, but Ben knew Rey wasn't toying with him. He could sense that she wanted to keep going, yet she was also afraid. When he looked down at her he could see it, she wasn't afraid of him but what might happen. Rey laid one hand on his forearm lightly, and he could see she was trying to control her breathing too.

"I want to... I do....," she breathed. "I just...."

Ben remembered the first kiss on Exegol, when he had felt the emotion behind it but almost a tension as well. The tentative kiss in his hut. This kiss in the meadow that was unsure at first. Rey was.... inexperienced. He closed his eyes for a moment. _Oh kriff_. She was so beautiful, he hadn't even considered the possibility.

"Rey," Ben asked her, surprised. "Are you a.... virgin?"

Rey's cheeks flamed and she couldn't look at him. Ben lifted her chin and kissed her again. He could feel her embarrassment, and an unnecessary _shame_.

"It's okay, I just didn't realise. I cant be the only one who sees you this way."

"What way?"

"The most beautiful woman in the galaxy."

Rey hummed happily for a moment, and kissed him back with some of their previous passion.

"I've never wanted to be with anyone else Ben."

Ben captured her face again, stroking his thumb along her jaw, wondering at his luck to be with her again. All that he had done wrong in the galaxy, and yet she was here with him now. Ben kissed her again, but then drew her into his side instead of going any further. It wasn't the time or the place for what she deserved, and Ben had waited a lifetime for her already. He could wait a little longer. So he positioned her with her back up against his chest again, arms wrapped around her, and together they stared out to sea until they both felt calm enough to walk back.

It was noon when they finally headed back, Rey pressed into Ben's left side with his arm around her shoulders, smiling up at him as the walked. Rey didn't think she had ever felt happier, oblivious to whether or not the Lanai were showing their usual disagree of disapproval, and too wrapped up in Ben to notice anything else. Ben was similarly entranced, unable to stop staring at her and wondering how lucky he was that she love him too.

So it was understandable that neither of them initially noticed the unusual level of quiet in the village, or that all the Lanai seemed to be staring at something just outside the open gate, until both Ben and Rey were almost upon it. Ben recognised the presence first, and stopped suddenly jolting Rey to a stop. He hadn't looked at her yet, eyes fixed on Rey afraid of what it meant. Would they be pulled apart once more?

"Hello again, Ben Solo."

When he finally raised his head to look at her, Ben noted that damned bird was perched on her shoulder again.


	16. A Warning

"Rey - meet Ahsoka Tano," Ben introduced them. "She was my grandfather's Padawan."

Rey was confused. Vader had been dead for more than 30 years, and he was last Anakin two decades before that. This Togruta looked far too young to have known either version of Ben's grandfather. Her garb was unusual for a Jedi - a tunic under a breast plate of leather, and a leather skirt, leggings and long boots that laced up just belore the knee, a white cloak with the hood thrown back and a tall but thin white staff which Rey immediately dismissed as unsuited to battle. Her leather belt held two sabers with white hilts of different design, and she stood with both hands lightly grasping her staff. At first, Rey had the impression she was young. Then she looked in to her eyes, and the wise look suggested something far more ancient. And she realised she had seen Ahsoka before - hers was the face she had seen in the stream that flowed from the ruined temple to the kyber cave in Lothal, before Ben had appeared.

She held out her hand in greeting, as she had seen most of the Resistance do when meeting people although such familiarity was still slightly foreign to her. On Jakku people had touched her at their own risk, and she found it hard to allow strangers to do it now despite all the diplomacy Poe and Leia had tried to instil in her.

"I'm Rey... umm... Rey Skywalker."

"I know all about you Rey."

Now Rey had the strangest feeling she knew her voice, too. A memory, just out of the grasp of her mind, but one Rey thought was associated with comfort and strength.

The Lanai seemed in awe of Ahsoka, and so too the white bird that perched seemingly asleep on her shoulder.

Ahsoka bent down, motioning the Elder towards her, and whispered in her ear for a moment. Rey noted the bird didn't move even once, and added that to the list of questions that were rapidly forming, not the least of which was how _Ben_ knew this woman. The Elder gave a command, and the Lanai reluctantly stepped back from the gate and allowed them passage. 

"Come along." Ahsoka lead them through the gates and out to the path towards the meadow. "Time is short and there's much to discuss."

At the top of the path, in the meadow, Ahsoka sat down cross legged and encouraged the two of them to do the same. Ahsoka noted that despite the difference in height and bulk, they had the same fluid motion, mirroring each other, and when they sat there was a point of contact at all times. Each knee, the tips of each others boots, twined fingers of the hands that lay next to them. It seemed to be an unconscious manifestation of their dyad bond, and Ahsoka wondered if this was how they were all the time or if it was a response to the wave of nervousness she sensed from Rey. After a long minute, Ahsoka felt the approach of someone else.

"Your Padawan is coming," Ahsoka informed them simply. "He's excited to show you something."

Rey nodded, and more to fill the silence she nodded at the bird. "What kind of bird is that?."

"A Convor. Althought she is a very unusual one." She tapped the bird gently on the beak, and it opened it's eyes to stare at Rey. "This is Morai. She belonged to someone who gave her life force to save me, as Ben did for you. She comes and goes as she pleases, right now it pleases her to come with me to meet you."

The reminder of Ben's sacrifice, of losing him, clearly made Rey uncomfortable. Ahsoka reached out one slim arm to grab Rey's free hand.

"The Force refused to take him from you, Rey. So he wound up in the world between, what you know as the Vergence Scatter."

Ben squeezed Reys other hand, the hand he held, reminding Rey he was still here. And across the bond she could sense him. _I'm not leaving you. You're not alone_.

They could hear Finn calling her name, excited about something. He was not far off, and within a minute or so he came around the bend in the path carrying something. He stopped, noticing the stranger, then approached more cautiously. 

"This is Ahsoka," Ben inclined his head towards the Togruta as he leaned forward to look around Rey to the young man. "She's a friend. But please, show Rey what you've done"

Finn held out the object he had been carrying, passing it to Rey for inspection. He had completed the construction of his light saber. It was surprisingly elegant, unlike Rey's own, with a sleek silver hilt that seemed a suitable width for his grip, and copper coloured accents. She could feel the kyber calling out to it's master, and Rey inclined her head slightly to Ben. After a moment Finn nodded, giving permission for her to pass it to Ben for inspection.

It was an odd moment for Ben. He had helped Luke train younglings, but had never been given the newly made saber of another Force weilder for critique. He worried the best he might be able to say was that it was "adequate", "sufficient for it's purpose", as Luke had called Ben's. Or worse, "a poorly built toy" as Snoke had made comment on his red saber. But the blade Finn had built was well made, simple but elegant in the hilt design, and reminded him of Anakin's old saber. And better yet, Finn had built a saber with a crystal that was eager to respond to him. And just for a moment, he missed his old saber. Not the tortured red blade he held after he cracked the crystal, but it's predecessor, the same crystal in harmony with the Padawan he had been.

"It's well made," Ben noted, "and your crystal seems attuned to you. It will serve you well."

Finn seemed please with the appraisal, as Ben passed it back to him, and Rey grinned at him encouragingly.

"What colour is the blade," Ben enquired after a moment, waving his hand in the air. It was clear the question was also an invitation to show them.

Finn jumped back, and Rey quickly stood up to join him. Both Ahsoka and Ben quickly followed, but stood back to observe.

Ben had seen her saber clipped to her belt, but realised he had never seen it ignited. So when Finn and Rey ignited their blades to swing a few practice blows, he was surprised by the colour of the blade.

Finn's was the common colour of the old Jedi Guardian, blue, and perhaps slightly predictable for a soldier. Ben's own saber had originally been the same colour.

Rey's however was brilliant yellow. Ben knew the old Guardians of the Temple yielded yellow pikes, and the Sentinels yellow blades. He knew it could be associated with a balance of the physical and the mental discipline of the force. But the colour itself could be created from a combination of red and green lights, a balance of a common Jedi colour Luke himself had used, and the red blade typically associated with a Sith. The double meaning was fitting - Rey carried a balance of knowledge and skill, and represented the balance of the light and the dark that the Force yearned for.

Or maybe she just liked yellow. Ben remembered meditating on his crystal and thinking of blue.

As Rey and Finn crossed sabers a few times, Finn getting the feel of his new weapon, Ben noticed Ahsoka watching Rey's blade. It was clear she too had reached the same conclusions about the weapon and the woman herself. _So maybe it's not that she just likes the colour_.

After a few blows, Rey and Finn both retracted their blades, and clipped their sabers to their belts, before all four of them sat down on the grass.

"Where is your saber," Ahsoka nodded to Ben. 

"I don't have one anymore," Ben admitted, "I threw Kylo Ren's weapon into the sea at Kef-Bir."

"It is the weapon of a Jedi," Ahsoka looked displeased.

"That one was the weapon of a monster," Ben sighed, "and even though I was no Sith, I am no Jedi. I haven't earned the right to a saber."

Rey was surprised at this statement. Why would Ben think he was unworthy of carrying a saber?

Finn too was surprised. Kylo Ren had sought power, and had achieved much of it through the Force and his fearsome crossguard saber. Ben Solo, however, seemed to have no interest whatsoever. He wondered if Ben was afraid taking up a saber again might lead him to corruption once more. And whilst a part of him was pleased Ben was actively seeking to prevent Kylo Ren from ever rising again, he also felt it was a lost opportunity. As Kylo he had been formidable, and the demonstration he and Rey had given with their training sticks had shown that skill remained. Ben Solo would have made an excellent teacher.

Ahsoka sighed deeply as she reached over to Morai and tickled her under a wing. The convor stretched, and took flight, and Rey watched it for a moment.

"Aren't convors shades of brown and yellow? To better hide in the trees?"

"Yes. But as I said Morai is a very unusual convor. She wasn't always white. Our first meeting she had green wings."

It wasn't what Rey really wanted to know, but she realised her time with other people had given her a hesitancy to be direct sometimes. Rey used to be very blunt, to the point that one of Poe's squadron, Jessika, had called her _rude_. When Rey had asked Kaydel what she had done wrong, Kaydel had sighed and explained to her that some question can be impolite, especially when asked in public. And as time had gone on, and with some of the things that happened, Rey found there was a lot she had experienced she just didn't _want_ to share, or was afraid of people judging her about. Even with her friends she could be this way. And worse, it had caused misunderstandings with Ben. She hadn't realised her mind had wandered until she heard Ben speaking.

"Why are you here anyway Ahsoka," Ben asked curiously.

"I came to give you a warning. Something is coming for you. And for Rey."

Rey remember the dream, the shadow that curled along the floor of Exegol and hovered over the place where she and Ben had both died. A dream that perhaps had been something more.... a vision? Rey was momentarily surprised when Ben shuddered, and she realised she had left her mind wide open to him and had shared that nightmare. He looked over to her, troubled, and reached out to her mind.

_I had a nightmare too, and I was in the same place._

"What is it?" Finn asked, suddenly afraid for Rey, "Palpatine?"

It was a sobering thought to Ben, but he had seen Rey's memories of the fight against the Sith lord, and he was certain the Sith were all gone.

"I do not know what it is yet," Ahsoka told them, and her voice was slightly frustrated. "I don't _think_ it is Palpatine. But the Sith were not the only evil in the galaxy that worshipped the dark side, just as the Jedi Order were not the only force users who aligned themselves with the light side. But whatever it is, it seems it was awakened by Ben's return, and now seeks to use the power of the Dyad."

Rey recalled Palpatine's words... _a dyad in the Force. A power like life itself_. And how his attempt to harm them had rebounded and renewed him, and then Ben had been thrown down a dark abyss and Rey had been left to face him alone. She could feel her heart beginning to race, and her chest becoming tighter. It was all happening again, there would be no peace for them, they would be torn apart again. Ben dying for her.... the familiar panic was rising as her thoughts spiralled into despair. 

From the edge of the bond Ben felt Rey's dismay. She had made a poor attempt to hide it from him, her distress making it impossible for her clamp her feelings down tight, and he could see her chest heaving silently 

"Rey," Ben gave a soft murmur of concern and warning, trying to get her to take a moment.

But it was too late. Rey jumped to her feet, and the look of desolation he saw on her face broke Ben. It took him a moment to realise she had walked away, headed off along the path towards the Jedi village, and by the time Ben rose to follow her she was out of sight.

He found her kneeling on the path, not too far from the meadow, staring out at nothing. She looked deflated, as if she had nothing left, but Ben could sense the pain and anger. He knelt down behind her, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her into his chest. Rey trembled for a moment, then her arms rose to rest on his tightly, but she wasn't pulling away. She was bracing herself against him, something building in her until it had to be released.

A great primal scream of frustration, pain, and anger. Ben lay his chin against her shoulder as she let it out, lips against the space below her earlobe, rocking her gently in a soothing, comforting rhythm he knew she liked. She didn't cry, as he had expected her to, but just rested against him as he continued the gentle swaying, warm breath against her neck.

 _It isn't fair Ben_.

"I know sweetheart," he kissed her neck as he agreed, and Rey relaxed a little. 

She felt better for letting some of it out, but coloured a little thinking at how she had become a shameful shadow of her stronger self. Before Exegol, she had been strong and self assured, the way Jakku had made her. Now she was a blubbering mess. Would Ben want to be with her like this? Ben stopped rocking her, and pulled her a fraction tighter, hearing her thought

 _I will always want to be with you._ He was firm. _What we have been through Rey - it's not exactly a normal experience._

Rey huffed, smiling at the understatement despite herself, but her gloominess quickly returned.

Ben let her go, rising to his feet and helping her to her feet. He turned her around to face him, and leaned his face down slowly to hers, tilting his chin with one finger as he did so. A long, slow kiss, without much heat but that clearly told her the depths of his affection for her. There was no judgement from him for her reaction. He took her hand in his, and lead her the rest of the way to the Jedi village, back into his hut. 

They sat together on his bed, side by side, Rey at his left and leaning into his shoulder, her head over his heart hearing it's beat as she so liked to do.

"It's just the same cycle over and over again, Ben. Darkness and light, battling each other, and we pay the price."

"It will be alright Rey."

"You don't know that," she sighed.

"No, I don't," Ben agreed, kissing her temple over the fine scar that lay there, "but this time we are on the same side. I know that we need to trust the Force to show us our way. And the Force wants us together Rey, I really do believe that."

Rey wanted to believe him, but she was frankly tired of sacrificing everything for the good of the galaxy, for the "right" side. And how was it fair that Ben had been tortured all his life, even from the cradle, so twisted by it all that he split into the persona of Kylo Ren? Ben was such a good person, he had been a kind and gentle and sensitive boy who Snoke and Palpatine had driven to the dark side. He had been able to resist them until Luke had given up on him, raised a saber against him, and Ben had lost all hope. Rey just wanted them to be happy.

She wanted to be free of this pain. 

"Am I selfish for not wanting to do this again?"

"Rey, nobody should have to shoulder this. But we will do it together."

It was almost time for dinner when Rey felt composed enough to face the others. Ben had sat with her in his hut the whole afternoon, holding her, and Rey had found her strength in the simple comfort he provided.

Ahead of their leaving tomorrow, Rose and Chewie had packed most of the food still in stasis units onto the _Falcon_ , providing some ration packs and a bowl of fruit for the evening meal. Rey had worried that Ahsoka would judge her, but she had simply smiled at Rey and squeezed her hand in a brief gesture of understanding as she sat across from Rey, the whole group ssitting down on empty crates and stools to eat.

After they had eaten, Ahsoka continued with the conversation from earlier.

"The First Order has a larger remnant than you think. They must be dealt with or just as the Order rose from the crumbs of the Empire, so too will something else rise from the Order. Your friends in the new Government will need to be careful, and will need the Jedi"

Finn scowled at the notion. Another generation of stolen children brainwashed into becoming stormtroopers, another fascist dictatorship ruling over the galaxy. Another Kylo Ren? Finn swallowed and tried not to let his old hatred cloud his thinking regarding _Ben_.

"It is important your finish training, and in turn train others," Ahsoka looked directly at Rey. "You will need strength from others if you are to succeed."

Rey nodded silently. She had been _feeling_ that her next step needed to be Tatooine, but a part of her still yearned to just run away with Ben. From the Force, the new fledgling democracy and the remaining remnants of the First Order, and the evil that was supposedly coming for them. And she had thought the ghosts of Luke and Leia had already helped her to complete her training, but she chose not to question Ahsoka. She chewed her bottom lip, worrying a little about something else she chose to keep to herself for now. What if Ahsoka, who had been of the old Jedi order, would expect her to follow that path - no attachments, no love, only studying the light side and not the balance?

"I will make sure you have help," Ahsoka promised them, and then stared pointedly at Ben. "Solo, you _must_ build a new saber if you are to complete Rey's training and stand together with her."

Finn contemplated the issue of a saber as he munched a handful of small red berries.

"So home then, via Lothal," Finn suggested. "After all, doesn't a new saber require a kyber crystal?"

After the meal Ahsoka announced she would be leaving them now, but drew Rey aside to talk to her alone for a few minutes before she left. Ben noted Rey looking down at her feat, her posture one of discomfort, and he wanted to run to her to enfold her in his arms and promise all over again that they would be alright. He was about to act on the impulse when Ahsoka reached out to Rey, a hand to the young woman's cheek and then a huge smile on Rey's face as she briefly turned her head to smile at Ben. Ahsoka embraced Rey, and after a moment Ben could see Rey return the gesture.

Ahsoka looked up at the sky silently, eyes closed, and then she opened them again as Morai slowly drifted down to perch on Ahsoka's shoulder.

"Until we meet again, Ben Solo," she called, heading out through the village towards the saddle.

Rey watched her for a moment, then walked slowly back to Ben and buried herself in his shoulder.

"Ready to face the galaxy again?" Rey asked him.

He kissed the top of her head.

"Together."


	17. Chapter 17

Ben had assumed Rey would retire to her own hut that night. After all she was exhausted, emotionally spent, and in desperate need of sleep. And true, when they both said goodnight to Finn, Rose and Chewie, holding hands as they walked back to their huts that stood opposite each other, he had taken her sudden stop outside them as an indication they should say goodnight to each other. But as Ben leaned toward her to kiss her goodnight, Rey decisively tugged on his hand to bring him through her own doorway.

"Stay."

Ben looked at her for a moment, unsure of what she meant.

"Stay. _Please_ Ben. I don't want to be alone."

And so he had excused himself long enough to change into the soft pants he used for bed, grab his pillow and some extra blankets, and bolted back to her. Rey had also dressed for bed, an oversized shirt that had been intended for Ben, but she had appropriated from the assorted clothes Rose had brought, and a pair of old but comfortable leggings grown soft from use. Ben rearranged the bedding, Rey watching silently with one tiny upturned corner of mouth, but said nothing. Once Ben seemed done with his work, Rey slid under the blankets on her pallet, lying on her side on one edge so that there was room for Ben's much larger body.

When they were finally together under the blankets, facing one another, he draped his arm over her shoulder and she nestled her forehead against his chin.

"Better?"

"Much, thank you," Rey gave a soft chuckle. "I don't want to ever sleep alone again."

Ben kissed her forehead, and as she tilted her face up to meet his eyes he took her lips in his own and kissed them. When Rey sighed against his mouth Ben deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring gently. After what seemed both forever and only a moment to Rey, Ben broke their kiss. 

"You need to sleep Rey. And if you want me to stay with you every night to keep you warm and safe, I'll be there. I want to be there. I just... "

"What?" A soft breathy whisper.

He kissed her forehead again.

"Sleep. We can talk more in the morning when we aren't exhausted."

***************************************************************************

There was no discussion in the morning. Wrapped around each other in a tangle of legs and arms, their slumber peaceful as it so rarely was, they had slept late. They were rudely awakened by Rose storming in calling her name and looking for Rey, Finn similarly barging into Ben's hut calling _his_ name. The only difference was Finn was still calling Ben's name, his voice sounding further away as he walked along the village path toward the hut they had used for storage. Rose on the other hand had her arms crossed as she stared at the two of them. 

They knocked against each others forehead's as they sat up, a pair of "Ow's" muttered as they rubbed their fingers against the respective points of impact in a synchronous movement. Rey scowled up at Rose, but Ben simply wrapped his arm around Rey's shoulder and then shrugged up at Rose with the other.

"Late night was it," Rose sneered, giving the pair her most disdainful look.

Rey blinked at her, unsure why her friend was upset. Ben's arm around her shoulder tensed for a moment and she looked to Ben, his mouth a firm line, but when she saw his mouth relax again she looked back to Rose. The smaller woman had a look of wicked delight, and was desperately trying to hold back a chuckle.

"Guess I've got to pay out to Finn and Chewie. I thought you two would be pining over each other at least another standard month before you, you know...."

"ROSE!" Rey scowled at her. "That's not what this is."

"Really?", Rose brightened. "Maybe my credits are safe then. Although you _are_ in a bed together....."

"Rose..." Ben and Rey sighed in unison.

"Okay, whatever. Get dressed, gather everything you're taking. Chewie's threatening to leave without you if you're not on the Falcon within the hour."

Ben was the last up the Falcon's ramp, and he observed Rose clambering over something or other under the floor as Finn sat on the edge of the opening swinging his feet. They were passing tools back and forward to each other, although Ben noted Rose usually had to ask him two or three times before he found the right one. Rose seemed to have endless patience though, and he had a brief vision of a far less patient Rey in the same hole in the floor, Finn also passing her tools, with that little droid who had caused the First Order so much trouble loudly chattering away. 

After placing his pack and bundle on one of the bunks he made his way to the cockpit. He'd last set foot in here briefly on Starkiller, and like that time as he approached Ben saw flashes of memory - Han and Chewie piloting as Ben sat in one of the rear seats, barely more than a toddler. Older, in the co-pilot seat, Han instructing him. The trip where his parents took him to meet Luke on Bespin, before leaving him in his Uncles charge.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to clear his mind, and stepped into the cockpit. Chewie was in the co-pilot's seat, but his father's seat was empty. Rey had taken the seat behind it, in her usual white tunic, three quarter pants and wrap but with her hair down for once. Ben looked to her questioningly and she smiled encouragingly.

"We thought you might like to pilot, Ben."

Ben sank into the cracked leather and ran his fingers across the console. His father had let him pilot the ship a few times when he had come home to Chandrilla from the academy to visit. Though Ben felt he had made his peace with his father after the vision on Kef-Bir, he hesitated for a moment thinking about Han and their conversation on Starkiller. _Ben, c_ _ome home_. He didn't really have a home anymore, not after all that he had done as Kylo Ren, but with Rey and Chewie close by the _Falcon_ felt near enough to it.

As the _Falcon_ rose above the island, Ben swung the ship around, dipping her nose slightly to get a good look at the island. He had known Luke had been looking for the first Jedi temple, and suspected that was where the Jedi Master had exiled himself, but he had neither the name nor the location. Over time this place had gone from being the hiding place of his enemy, to the location of _Rey_ when he first connected with her via their bond, to the doorway through which he stepped back into the living world after Exegol. Something told Ben it wasn't the last he would see of Ahch-To.

Once they were out of the atmosphere, Ben entered the coordinates he had calculated for the various waypoints that would make for the trip to Lothal. After a short pause the ship jumped to light speed, but it would take a few hours to reach the first stop for fuelling before going on to the nearest hyperspace route to Lothal. Chewie put the Falcon on autopilot before leaving the cockpit, patting Ben's shoulder as if to say _Well done kid_. Chewie smiled at Rey, then shut the cockpit door behind him, leaving Ben alone with Rey. 

"So... we didn't get to have that talk this morning," Rey offered, and Ben turned around to look at her.

"No. I suppose not."

He climbed stiffly out of the seat, coming to stand next to Rey, offering her his hand to help her up. She took it, smiling as she remembered it was the same one had he had offered her on the _Supremacy_ , and let him help her up. When Ben opened his arms to her, she let herself be folded into his embrace.

"So we're all alone here for now," Rey pointed out. 

"I noticed that."

"Do you want to have that talk?"

Ben kissed her forehead, and then sighed, letting his arms drop away from her. He stepped back to lean against the seat behind the copilots, and ran one hand through his hair.

"Ben?", Rey probed, his silence worrying her.

"I know how we feel about each other Rey. I just..", he looked away to the view port, seeing but not really taking in the blurred lines of hyperspace racing past. "I'm worried about how being with me might have repercussions you haven't thought of yet."

Rey had, of course, considered the possibility that Ben's reception from the remnants of the Resistance and the fledgling new republic might not be very welcoming. She hoped her friends at least would be more understanding. Since Crait, Kylo Ren had gone without his mask and his face was now reasonably well known, despite the fact that the true identity of Kylo was not well known. Even without the scar that had marred it, he would be recognised. 

But Rey didn't care. She knew only what mattered to her. Kylo Ren was the broken persona of a man who had been abandoned by those who should have loved him and helped him, the victim of mental torture, manipulation, and outright abuse by his Masters. He had turned to the dark side when it had offered him purpose, but buried beneath it Ben Solo had still been there. Yes, Kylo had hurt her. Lashed out with angry words, he had taunted her and hunted her. But he had also protected her from Snoke, killing him to save her. And then _she_ had abandoned him, and after that loss he had entered a period of his most fragile mental state yet, chasing the purpose the dark side had given him because that lie was all he had left. But when Palpatine had ordered him to kill her, he had refused.

And whilst he _was_ Ben now, and he had come back to the light, he still had the memories and pain of his past that had made him Kylo. Rey realised that Ben was afraid of her. Or rather, how he felt for her. What losing her might do to him. Ben wanted to take this path with her, but his love for her made him feel vulnerable and he was afraid of her rejecting him again. That she might find the burden of being with him too great, and leave.

It wasn't until she found Ben was looking at her with some alarm, large hands on either side of her face and his thumbs brushing beneath her cheeks that Rey realised she had started to cry.

"Nobody understands us like we do each other," Rey sniffled. "I wouldn't leave you, not willingly at least."

Ben smiled sadly, leaning down to kiss her tears away.

"We have to stop doubting ourselves Ben. We push and pull at each other, second guessing everything, letting our past interfere with our future."

"We allow ourselves some happiness?"

"In between raising a new Jedi Order, fighting a new evil, and helping rid the galaxy of the last of my grandfather's legacy?" Rey smiled at him.

"Sure." He said it as if it was the simplest task of all, but she could still feel his sadness.

She gave him one last kiss, before her rumbling stomach protested its lack of food. Ben laughed, and led her by the hand out into the lounge with the others.

***************************************************************

It had been little more than a month since they were last on Lothal, but if anything the weather was worse. Rey had been places colder - _Hoth_ came to mind - but the sight of a thick layer of snow as the _Falcon_ came to land caused her nose to wrinkle in distate. Ben couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

But the cave didn't seem to call to Ben the way it had Rey and Finn. 

He walked hand in hand to the cave with Rey, but there was no sense of direction or calling. When she sat to wait on the same rock she had when Finn came, he slipped into the cave and wandered around. There was a muted singing, the kyber was not silent, but none of the thousands of voices whispered to _him_. No point in harvesting one that was not suited to him.

Ben wondered bitterly if the Force was denying him for his past sins.

He found the stream, and felt the same energy from the temple that he'd shown Rey when he connected to her there. The memory of Ahsoka smacking the back of his head when he expressed doubt he was still alive. And then Ben had an idea... more of an _urge_ really, as if there was something he had to do.

Ben knelt by the stream, hands loosely resting on his thighs, and closed his eyes. He had usually meditated by placing a hand on Vader's twisted and charred mask, but long before he had left Luke's temple Ben had been taught the skill and though it felt slightly unfamiliar he had not forgotten.

Reaching out in to the force he let it guide him, direct him. Where did it want him to go? Was there a Kyber calling his name?

_A landscape of crystalline outcroppings._

_Large insect like creatures, multi headed and with long limbs and sharp edges._

_A city of tall, sparkling buildings, not far from a wild shore of sparkling white sand at the bottom of tall cliffs of that same crystalline earth._

_Ben saw himself climbing, slipping on a razor sharp edge. He grabbed a handhold, safe, his hands now slippery with blood. But he had reached the ledge he needed, and the crack in the wall that led to where he needed to go. The song that was calling to him._

Ben opened his eyes and breathed slowly. So there was a kyber for him. Just not here.

He looked down at the water that flowed to this place from the old Temple, and laughed to see Ahsoka looking back at him. It was only a moment, but it preceeded the faint blue glow of a ghostly presence. Ben had never seen a Force ghost, despite pleading for years for his grandfather to come to him. 

"Well hullo there."

Not who Ben had hoped for or expected then, but then he wasn't exactly in a position to dictate who provided the help. He should be grateful anyone was helping him, as long as it wasn't Luke. Ben hauled himself to his feet, and turned to look at the ghost of the Jedi he had been named after.

"Obi-wan Kenobi", Ben inclined his head.

Kenobi eyed Ben up and down, as if assessing his worthiness, and nodded once. It seemed Kenobi was satisfied with what he saw.

"Do you know where you are going?"

Ben gave a frustrated sigh. "I can see a place, but I've never been there. Tall cliffs and outcrops that look like they're cut from crystal, and.."

"I saw your vision," Kenobi waved a hand, cutting him off. "Don't bother describing it. I suppose I'm here to help because I've been there before."

"You know where I need to go?"

"Christophsis, to the west of the capital Chaleydonia. Anakin and I went there during the Clone Wars. I don't recall seeing any cave, but there's definitely kyber crystals there."

"Thank you."

Ben had a place to go now, but didn't want to just leave. It seemed, well perhaps a bit rude, just to get up and go even if Kenobi was a _ghost_. So Ben stood awkwardly, watching the Jedi who sighed as he walked up to the stream and looked down into the water.

"Everything we suffered and fought for," Kenobi muttered, "and look what it gained us all. All of us are gone now, except Ahsoka, and she might as well be with what she has become."

Ben didn't know what to say, so he just turned to look down into the water as Kenobi had. No Ahsoka looking back.

"The Jedi were supposed to be instruments of peace. It wasn't always about destroying the Sith, or fighting battles for the republic. No attachments, no love. No feelings, yet the first thing you are asked to do is reach out _with_ your feelings."

"I love Rey," Ben admitted. "And she loves me. I suppose that means we're not going to recreate the Jedi Order."

"Let it die," Kenobi scoffed. "Build something better in it's place."

Ben walked out with his hands empty, yet Rey felt a sense of peace and triumph as he emerged from the cave mouth. She let him pull her to her feet and wrap his arms around her in a hug, before they began to slowly walk back to the _Falcon._ One arm was draped across her shoulder, and she had one of hers across his back to the curve of his hip on the other side. They walked a few steps before she spoke.

"What happened Ben?"

"We're not going to Tatooine yet."

One eyebrow quirked slightly up at him in an unspoken question.

"There was no kyber for me here. But I had a vision... and a visitor. My crystal lies at Christophsis."


End file.
